Coaching, Executive Presence
Ingrid Gudenas
Never start talking before you see them do THIS

Javon was watching Anthony intently. He had just acknowledged him and was waiting in the pause. He was looking at Anthony’s reaction to the acknowledgment.

Slowly Anthony looked very satisfied, nodded his head, relaxed his shoulders, leaned back and smiled. Javon saw Anthony was ready to listen.

That had never happened before. Anthony was never ready to listen. Here’s what led up to it.

Coaching, Executive Presence
Ingrid Gudenas
Becoming the most listened-to person in the ...

Farzad is the most listened-to person in the division. But it wasn’t always that way. His boss had contacted me saying, “Farzad is a great guy with tremendous substance, but his rambling presentations are driving everyone crazy. Especially my boss!”

Farzad was known as “The guy who talks the most and says the least.”

Farzad showed up for Coaching eager and interested in learning. He said, “I know I’m doing something wrong because everyone multi-tasks when I’m talking, but I have no idea what it is. If you can help me with that, I would love to have everyone listening to me.”

Coaching, Executive Presence
Ingrid Gudenas
When you're one conversation away from success

It was Valerie’s first Executive Coaching session of the new year and she was spiritless. She found out the CEO had decided to bypass her for the promotion from VP to Senior VP that she had been counting on. They wanted to bring in someone “fresh and with more experience” from the outside to be her new boss. Ugh!

Valerie got the bad news and then went out on the end of year holiday. It didn’t improve her mood.

“What’s going on?”  I asked her.

“It’s hard. It’s hard to come back. It’s hard to look forward to this new year with any optimism. I feel like I’m not being valued. My enthusiasm for what I’m doing is completely drained.”

What was really drained was her ability to communicate effectively. If you look at the above definition of causative, it’s the ability to make what you want happen. And the ONLY way to do that is through the way you communicate.

The only way to persuade is to communicate persuasively. The only way to convince is to communicate convincingly. The only way to shape reality with others is through your communication.

Coaching, Executive Presence
Ingrid Gudenas
Your most powerful tool for success in 2025

Happy New Year!

I want to share my secret. People often comment on my confidence. They think I’m always confident I’ll get the outcome I want. I don’t look at it that way.

Let me give you an example.

Coaching, Executive Presence
Ingrid Gudenas
The gift that transforms our world

Some gifts we give to enrich the lives of those we love. Presence is a gift we give ourselves that transforms our entire world and everyone in it.

Wishing you a very happy holiday with the people you love most!

Coaching

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Communicating "up" without feeling intimidated

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“I want to promote him, but I can’t.”

I heard three different executives say this last week. They were talking about three very different people that report to each of them, that they want me to coach, people who – by total coincidence – have the exact same problem holding them back.

It’s not an inability to do good work or a lack of their boss’s support.

Vikram, Martin and Sharni are all doing great work. Their bosses absolutely want to promote them and are going to bat for them as best they can. They want to make Vikram a Vice President, and Martin and Sharni each a Director.

However, the bosses are getting stopped by pushback from their peers and their own bosses – all for the exact same reason:

Vikram, Martin and Sharni are not seen as “good communicators”.

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How to sound authentic

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Victor says, “I want to sound authentic.”

What a funny request. I started laughing before I caught his serious look and stopped myself.

I asked him, “Are you saying you’re not authentic, but you want to sound like you are?”

Victor: “No, that’s not it. I think I’m authentic.”

But he didn’t sound sure.

Me: “Then what’s the problem?”

Victor: “I just don’t think I sound it. And I don’t know why.”

In a flash, I took in everything about Victor, and I understood.

It started when Victor was little and in school.

Authentic means being who you are, being genuine, true, in opposition to that which is false, fictitious or counterfeit, in other words “put on” to create an appearance.

When Victor was little, I’m sure he had no trouble being authentic. No 2-year old does.

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The Stepping Stone to Executive Presence

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I was coaching Jon, a senior executive located in bustling New York City’s mid-Manhattan.

Jon wants to develop Executive Presence.

We began with presence.

Executive presence is a particular type of presence. It’s an advanced type of presence.

You need to possess tremendous presence before you can develop Executive presence.

A key factor in presence is the ability to stay in the moment.

I taught Jon the robust theory behind presence, and now he was practicing the first exercise he had to master. Jon had his eyes closed so he wouldn’t be visually distracted. He was simply sitting there, being in the moment, learning how to control his attention and awareness and simply stay in the moment.

It was difficult for Jon in the beginning. As he sat there with his eyes closed, he was struggling with a traffic jam of thoughts in his head. Worries about an upcoming meeting, snatches of yesterday’s conversations, sudden rememberings of something he’d promised. A mad rush of thoughts whirled around, colliding in his mind, distracting him from the present moment. Creating chronic anxiety.

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The secret to keeping your audience on the edge of their seats

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Here’s the thing to know about audiences: they will only stay with you as long as they are learning.

I know, I know. The problem is you don’t have exciting content to work with. You have, well, corporate presentation material. And, let’s face it, nobody’s ever made an action movie out of a corporate presentation. I know your challenge. I get it.

But just because the material may seem boring, does not mean that you have to be.

This is something you can do with your own presentations to keep your audience on the edge of their seats. I’m going to tell you how a professional keeps their audience engaged.

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The end of "flat" presentations

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George was droning on. And no matter how hard he tried, his sounded like every other flat corporate presentation.

Not only was it boring, it made George boring. There was nothing of value in his work or in George. Nothing to pay attention to.

Never having had a real mentor, George was following in the footsteps of the thousands of other tiring corporate presenters he’d seen, all stamped from the same mold.

His presentations had devolved into a stream of words with no meaning.

But George always had the feeling that he was capable of more.

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The one thing that can free you from fear of any audience

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“I get stage fright so bad, my mind freezes up and my ears start to burn.” So said Matt.

Janet, our Lead Trainer, and I were coaching Matt, preparing him for an upcoming in-person presentation he will be giving to 500 leaders from his company, gathered together for a quarterly meeting in a large convention center. Matt is a Senior Vice President, responsible for $6.2 billion worth of annual revenue. He knows his stuff, he’s a good man. Yet terrified of public speaking.

Put Matt in front of 500 people, his expertness, confidence, talent and intelligence drain right out of him.

“I feel all alone up there, completely disconnected. Even when I know what I want to say, it all leaves me.”

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Seeing people transform into powerful beings

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We’re still delivering an abundance of virtual coaching, and we also recently opened up our office for in-person training for the first time in 2 ½ years. It’s been thrilling. It’s for small groups of no more than six, so it’s also very personal.

Having the whole person in front of us for the whole day, several days at a time, seeing them laugh and smile in all dimensions, has been rich.

Even more remarkable have been the incredible transformations in their presentation skills.

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How to tell the truth...and why it matters

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Walter is a very high-level engineer who works on new product development, critical products that generate billions in annual revenue for the corporation. He presents quarterly to the CEO and executive leadership team who rely heavily on Walter’s technical expertise.

Walter is a really nice guy with a great sense of humor. I liked him right away. But when he started the presentation that he wanted to practice during our Executive Coaching Session, all the life in him drained away.

I asked him, “Walter, you don’t look like you’re enjoying this very much. What’s happening?”

He said, “I really hate giving this presentation.”

Me: “Why?”

Walter: “Last quarter, without talking to me or my team, the CEO promised Wall Street we would have a new product release in January. A brand new product that’s really complicated to develop. The CEO was feeling pressured because our competition is ahead of us on it.

“In our last presentation I tried to tell him that we’re not ready, that it will take us at least a year and I tried to explain why.

“He cut me off and told me that he had already publicly promised Wall Street and we had to do it. He said that since the competition had done it, he didn’t see any reason why we couldn’t do it. He said it was my problem to figure out, and just to go solve it.

“I went back to my team and we’ve all been running around in complete confusion for the past quarter. We’ve gotten nothing done and now I have to present our quarterly results and we don’t have any. I have to make it look like we’re working on it and moving forward when we’re not, and you’re right - I’m most definitely NOT enjoying this at all.”

Walter was faced with the dilemma of: How do you present something that violates your integrity? (READ MORE…)

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How the "techie guy" learned to win over every audience

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“I’m a techie guy. I’m not one of those dynamic, charismatic types. I don’t even like them.”

I’ll never forget the first time I saw Steve. He had just been promoted to Senior VP. His boss, the Executive VP, reached out to me within weeks of Steve’s starting in his new role:

“You’ve got to help him. He’s in a very visible position now. His presentations are dreadful. He’s dry, monotone, off-putting. The employees are not warming up to him. Frankly, I don’t think they like him.”

The problem was that, while Steve dislikes the dynamic, charismatic type, that’s exactly the words used to describe the previous Senior VP, the one Steve was replacing, the one everyone loved, the one who had just left the company, the one everyone missed, the one everyone wished would come back.

You see the problem.

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This is better than being polished

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“I was struggling to find words.”

Vince, one of our Executive Coaching clients wrote that in an email that he sent along with the video of an extremely difficult conversation he had with a group of very unhappy individuals who felt they had experienced a great injustice.

He wanted to show us how, in an hour, this extremely distrustful group transformed into a smiling, grateful, warm, and unbelievably appreciative group of individuals who beamed at him with great friendliness.

It was remarkable to see.

Vince’s journey has been a fascinating one. He is a deep man, a good man.

Like many who come to us for Executive Coaching, his goal was to have executive presence and polish.

Isn’t it funny that now, after his coaching, he is writing about struggling for words? It sounds like he’s not “polished”. You would think he didn’t achieve his goals.

Yet Vince achieved something that goes way beyond.

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The secret to more progress, faster

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Don (VP of a major corporation here for coaching): “I want to extend my executive presence throughout the organization, beyond my immediate area.”

Me: “What does that mean?”

Don: “I want them to know I can add value to their activities.”

Me: “Is there a problem with that?”

Don: “Yes, they’re not seeing it. They think that I can only add value in my own area. Not outside of it, not for them cross-functionally in the organization. It’s frustrating.”

Me: “Have you ever told them that you can add value?”

Don: “No.”

Me: “Why not?”

Don: “They need to see it for themselves.”

I call this “Executive Charades”.

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The end of dull corporate presentations...forever

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“Can I send you the feedback from my last presentation?”

Only a week earlier, Lukas had completed the Mastering Virtual Presentations workshop.

It was supposed to be “just another normal corporate presentation”.

When you see those two words together, corporate presentation, what do they conjure up for you. Something thrilling? Gripping?

Very few people find them exciting.

Lukas was asked to give a “quarterly update,” which is the same low level of thrilling as a “corporate presentation”.

Except that Lukas surprised them all. And he was amazed by the response. He’d never gotten feedback like this before. No one had.

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The price tag on your soul

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“I don’t know who I am anymore.”

I was coaching Victor, a young man in his early 30’s who had already made millions. He came to me questioning everything. Early success in the venture-capital world led Victor on a hot pursuit of things he found did not matter to him once he had them.

The things that matter most are the ones you can’t see, like deep human connections. Like kindness, respect, real understanding, and emotional well-being.

Victor was missing all of the above and burst into tears when he found a safe haven with me to be able to say it out loud.

“My life feels like it’s been stripped of meaning.”

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How to talk to someone who doesn't want to talk to you

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Victoria leads a high-level Engineering team. It’s vital to her team that Sales doesn’t promise the customer anything Engineering can’t deliver.

It wasn’t going well. Engineering was no longer being invited to meetings involving Sales. That’s putting it mildly. Engineering was told to “stay out.” The relationship with Sales had gotten extremely contentious, to the point where the door was completely shut.

Victoria showed up for the Causative Communication workshop wanting to know how to communicate effectively with these people. How do you talk to someone who doesn’t even want to talk to you?

Her big focus was on finding out, “What do I say?”

She honestly believed she understood the Sales position and needed to get them to listen to her. She also knew they weren’t open to hearing anything.

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Fred’s search for executive presence

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“I’m the one who held back your promotion because I don’t think you have sufficient executive presence to be promoted to VP.”

I was helping Fred prepare for an upcoming one-on-one with the Executive Vice President, Olga, who was going to say these very words to him. Fred was there to change her mind.

We were practicing acknowledging the difficult things Olga would be telling him. Fred had earned some tough feedback and now had to pay the price of hearing it.

Even in the best of circumstances, Olga made Fred defensive. His hot buttons were triggered quickly. In past conversations, Fred’s strategy for getting Olga to change her mind was to overwhelm her with reasons she was wrong. But that didn’t work. It made Olga like him even less.

As Fred practiced acknowledging the piercing statements Olga would be making, I pointed out to Fred that his acknowledgements came across very reluctantly … and Fred just about shouted:

“Absolutely! I AM reluctant! Absolutely! I don’t WANT to acknowledge her when she’s WRONG!”

Acknowledgements have nothing to do with right and wrong. 

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What is essential is invisible to the eyes

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“What is essential is invisible to the eyes.”

Maxwell was quoting Antoine de Saint-Exupéry, the wonderful French writer, author of the lovely book The Little Prince.

Maxwell was a student in the early morning Causative Communication workshop I was delivering for European students last week. We were wrapping up the last 5 minutes of the 2-day training, talking about the class.

The golden sun was rising in California as he spoke.

Maxwell continued: “The Little Prince is required reading for every child in my country. I thought of this quote because ‘the invisible’ is what I believe you work on in this class, and this is what we have learned to do.”

He was right.

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Body language and other ways to ruin Executive Presence

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“What are you doing?”

I was asking Alessandro this at the beginning of the Mastering Virtual Presentations workshop. Alessandro was giving his first presentation and I was trying to make sense of his sudden stone-faced glare and forceful hand gestures.

“I was told I need executive presence so I’m trying to come across with gravitas.”

The problem was that he was trying to do it with his body.

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How to deliver bad news

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“I know it’s bad, but there’s nothing I can do about it.”

Morgan was demonstrating how she delivers bad news. She looks like she hates you.

The truth was, Morgan hated the message she was delivering. Because of the supply shortage, she now couldn’t get the order that you need right now to you for a year. Who could possibly love that message?

The immediate response Morgan got was, “Well then, we’re going to your competitor.” Morgan was in customer service. It was her job to save the customer.

What was upsetting Morgan was how upset she was FOR her customer. She could FEEL their pain. She felt horrible because she CARED so MUCH for them and because she could do nothing to change the vicious material shortage for them.

I asked Morgan, “Why don’t you tell them? Let them know how you feel, how much you care, and how much you would love to help them?”

That had never occurred to her.

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Fighting harder and other ways to fail

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“You have to be willing to fight for what you want.”

And Beatriz was only too willing.

However, no one she worked with, including her boss, was in the mood for a fight. They had started running the other way when they saw her coming.

Beatriz‘s response was, “If you’re not getting what you want, you need to fight harder.”

She came to me for coaching because this strategy was failing her. Beatriz had run out of ammunition, but didn’t want to surrender.

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The aura of executive presence

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“Dominique is smart, people like her, she gets things done. But we can’t promote her to VP yet. She has no executive presence.”

Imagine Dominique‘s reaction when she heard those words spoken by her senior management.

“But, but, but … I’m qualified! I don’t get it!”

That one missing ingredient was stopping it all.

What is executive presence? It’s an aura.

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