“I don’t know who I am anymore.”
I was coaching Victor, a young man in his early 30’s who had already made millions. He came to me questioning everything. Early success in the venture-capital world led Victor on a hot pursuit of things he found did not matter to him once he had them.
The things that matter most are the ones you can’t see, like deep human connections. Like kindness, respect, real understanding, and emotional well-being.
Victor was missing all of the above and burst into tears when he found a safe haven with me to be able to say it out loud.
“My life feels like it’s been stripped of meaning.”
He was living other people’s purposes. Powerful purposes revolving around money. Houses that would make your jaw drop, cars that drive like the wind, shoes that cost more than some people make in a year, designer drugs to infuse him with the positive emotions he could no longer feel.
Not his purpose. All the purposes of others.
Substitutes for the things that really matter.
“Success” had destroyed his soul.
Victor came to me to give himself the space and time to look, to recover himself and rediscover his true purpose.
They weren’t hard to find. He just needed someone who wouldn’t judge or evaluate, someone who would look past his Rolex into his eyes and see into his heart and love the young man found there, and make it safe for him to see himself.
Knowing who you are is the most important possession you can have. Being who you are is the most important being you can be. All the “doing” and “having” that come from that, you don’t have to worry about, they will bring you joy.
Victor made decisions that turned his life around. He left the venture capital world for a much simpler one. He reconnected with his family and the friends he’d left behind. The last time I saw him, Victor was smiling big and his eyes were laughing. He’s back to wearing the kind of shoes regular people wear.
Even the smallest wandering off the path of our true purpose is enough to push us into the misery of knowing something isn’t true, isn’t good, something isn’t right.
Staying true to our basic purpose is a life’s mission that allows us to wake up in the morning with our hearts singing.
When the heart stops singing, it’s trying to tell you something.
The path back is not hard to find. The heart is your Pied Piper and starts to hum a little tune when you approach the path.
I wish you a life filled with purpose, that important invisible force that guides and fulfills you. The one that always whispers to you and, if neglected, has been known to shout, “Hey, what about me?”
May this year be the year you say to your true purpose, “From now on, it’s all about you.”
Be the cause!