Coaching, Executive Presence
Ingrid Gudenas
Holiday Family Survival Guide

The reason I’m writing about this is because of the holidays.  I’m the daughter of Lithuanian immigrants and we celebrate Lithuanian as well as American holidays. So we always get a double dose of celebrations throughout the year.

From my earliest memory, there was never a holiday dinner where someone did not get up from the table, possibly in tears or wounded silence, storm out of the room and slam the door loudly. Never.  It was not always the same person, we would rotate.

We got offended easily, and the way we handled it only made it worse.

Even so, I challenge you to find a family that loves each other more than we do.  If ever anyone said anything bad about any one of us, they were in trouble.

That’s how it used to be.

Coaching, Executive Presence
Ingrid Gudenas
The one thing that can transform every ...

Gregor had made an overnight change, both at work and at home. The results were so powerful, it turned his world inside out.

It was during the Causative Communication workshop that Gregor came to realize he only “half listened to anyone”. His mind was always moving on to “what’s next”. He was mentally halfway out of this meeting and heading to the next one no matter where he was.

At the end of the 3rd day of the workshop, Gregor made a life-changing decision. He said, “I’m going to stay fully present in every conversation. I’m going to give 100% of my focus, really listen and really understand. No shortcuts.”

Coaching, Executive Presence
Ingrid Gudenas
How to change people without saying a word

Thanksgiving has inspired this article because Thanksgiving always reminds me how wonderful, even magical, affinity is.

Affinity is a feeling. It’s what you’re feeling about the other person, your emotional response to them. And very specifically, it’s how much you like them in that moment.

Affinity can fluctuate, even within one conversation. You can start out with low affinity and end up with high affinity. Or start high and go low.

Coaching, Executive Presence
Ingrid Gudenas
How to completely change the way people listen ...

“I’m now walking into meetings and making what I want happen. The first thing I noticed was that everyone started listening to me differently. Even my boss. Now people go quiet when I speak and genuinely listen, even my superiors. I hadn’t realized there are different kinds of listening. This is REALLY different. After that, it’s not hard.”

This broke all the rules considering where Agoston was on the corporate ladder. He was young, early in career and had no authority. But he spoke up at meetings, in hallways and conversations. His influence was growing daily. It wasn’t long before he was promoted and began rapidly moving up the organization.

Before he did the Causative Communication workshop, no one listened to him.

What made the difference for Agoston was mastering the skill of…

Coaching, Executive Presence
Ingrid Gudenas
Instead of persuading, try this...

The question, “What do I need to say to get the outcome I want?”  is a good question. Knowing the answer to it is essential to being causative.

The reason people experience difficulties when they’re looking at a situation through this lens is because they don’t realize that they’re skipping steps.

Public Speaking

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The best way to show up on camera

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“Camera Presence” is how you show up when you’re virtual.

You want to make the people you’re talking to feel like you’re right there with them.  You want all the technology to melt away to create a feeling of closeness.  And you want them to react warmly toward you the moment they see you.

Camera presence is a subject where small things make a big difference.  Here are some of the key mistakes people make.  I’ll show you with photos of Janet, our Lead Trainer. 

See how you’re doing with all these points.

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How to have the audience see the best in you

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I’ve worked with professionals and executives of large corporations for over 30 years. They are used to feeling tense.  It’s become normal. Feeling completely comfortable is not normal. Being relaxed is not.

That’s how being slightly tense, or even very tense, becomes habitual. And they’re surrounded  by others who are also slightly or very tense. So they’re swimming in a sea of uninspected “normal”.

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How to talk to a large audience

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Terror, fear, even a little anxiety, makes people talk too fast. When you talk too fast, your words lose their meaning. Correct pacing is the hallmark of a professional speaker. There was one thing that Mariela was doing that was causing ALL the problems I just mentioned. She was talking to EVERYONE.

It seems logical. You have 300 people in your audience - you should talk to 300. Right?

This is the worst thing you can do.

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Seeing the real you

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Let’s begin our New Year by talking about Vision.

Vision is all about seeing. The kind of vision that I’m talking about isn’t seeing what’s on the surface. It’s about seeing PAST.

On Day #1 of Transforming Your Presentation Skills, we usually film our students.

As we watch the first video together, we see very different things, the students and I.  They usually hate themselves. This has everything to do with vision. What I do differently is….

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The single word that can transform any presentation

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George helps sales people close big deals. His track record is impressive. On average, he saves them 30 to 40 hours per sales proposal.  His advice also increases their win rate by a wide margin.

George can look at a proposal or presentation in advance and with 100% accuracy tell you whether it will close the deal.

He has a very simple method. He has a computer algorithm which simply counts the number of times they use the word “YOU”. He compares that to the number of times the sales person mentions their own company.

Proposals where the prospect name is mentioned 10 times for every one time the sales person’s company is named (a ratio of 10:1) are a slam dunk and the deal is going to be closed.

Why is that? Is it because people are egotistical and they want it to be all about themselves? No.

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Transforming Henry: the worst communicator in the room

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Some people think you have to be “born with” the skills and charisma that make a really great public speaker.  Not true.  Let me tell you the story of Henry.

I was invited to give a two-hour talk on presentation skills at a technical conference for a highly specialized professional association.

At the banquet the night before my presentation, I told the President of the association, Steve, that I wanted to line up a volunteer to coach during my talk.  He asked what qualities I was looking for and I said, “Someone who really needs to improve in their presentation skills.” 

Steve enthusiastically told me Henry would be perfect and I said, “Let’s go meet him.”  Well, meet him I did.  Henry hardly took his eyes off the floor while we were talking, and for the brief moments they did come off the floor, they went straight to the ceiling or the wall on our right.  Turns out, Steve interpreted my request as, “Who is the absolute worst communicator in this group?”

Henry didn’t look like someone who liked to be told what to do. I told Henry, “You know, I’m going to be coaching you in front of 300 people.”  He glared at me for a brief moment and said, “What does THAT mean?”  I said, “I’m going to be telling you what to do and you’re going to have to do it.  Are you okay with that?”  He mulled it over a little (looking at the ceiling) and then said, “I guess that’s okay.”  Neither one of us was sure that it was, but with these words we locked in our next day’s destiny.

After Henry left, Steve said, “I hope you’re going to coach him on looking at people!” And then laughed for 2 minutes straight. 

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How to light up the virtual meeting room by subtracting

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Tamara was nervous.  In two days, she had to give a presentation to 400.  Her first really big one.

It was Day 1 of Mastering Virtual Presentations and it was difficult for Tamara to practice without her teeth chattering.

The problem with being nervous is it makes you lose touch with everything good about you. Sometimes to the point where you can’t see anything good about yourself.  The things you tell yourself at these moments tend to be dreadful.

Tamara was doubting whether she could speak without forgetting what to say, without everyone seeing how nervous she was.

There was a lot riding on how well Tamara did. If the Salespeople got excited about the new product, the revenue it would generate would be tremendous. But they had so many other products that they were selling, one new one often didn’t register. Tamara was one of many speakers throughout the day that would all turn into a blur.

As one doubt piled on top of another, Tamara doubted even her own ability to speak coherently.

She was a nervous wreck.

It was a truly exciting product she was going to present. If only the Salespeople understood what it did.

In Tamara’s case, it was not a matter of adding anything to her presentation. It was a matter of subtracting.

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How to get the audience to “open up”

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I was watching Jed give a sales presentation. The faces of his audience were attentive and respectful.  They were also unsold.  Unmoved.

In other words, Jed’s ideas weren’t landing the way he wanted.

They were politely waiting for Jed to come to the end. They had probably already mentally formulated a polite way of telling him, “Thank you, we’ll consider it” as they gently ushered him out the door.

Jed had no idea why he was losing it, and he kept going. As Jed talked, he got visibly more and more enthusiastic as a way to pump energy into the meeting, which did nothing for his audience.

Jed knew something was wrong, but had no idea what it was.

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How to make stage fright go away

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I have seen innumerable methods for attempting to vanquish stage fright. 

Bianca addresses groups of 3,000 customers at a time.  She’s in sales.  Her way of coping with terror was to run out on a large stage with very loud music, seemingly all “pumped up” and yell at the crowd, “Hey!  How's everybody doing?”   It was about as far from her true personality as could be, and the second she started her presentation it was obvious she was tense nervous.

Peter found two people in the audience on either side of the room.   First, he talked to one, then he talked to the other.   They were the only 2 people he looked at. Anchoring on only 2 people didn’t handle his stage fright, but it kept him from totally losing it.

Risha is an engineer. She presents project updates to a skeptical and demanding senior leadership team.  Her solution was to avoid all eye contact because she didn’t want to see their disapproving looks, she forced herself to keep her eyes squarely fixed on her notes and her slides.

Lynette powered through her talks on pure nerves and adrenaline, and collapsed with exhaustion when they were over.

If any of these methods of handling stage fright worked, they wouldn't have it. 

What they’re all trying to do is drive their symptoms out of existence. The symptoms include every flavor and intensity of fear, from feeling slightly nervous and on edge to complete terror.

The reason these methods don't work is because they don't address the root cause of stage fright.  And most people have no idea what's causing it.

If you don't know what's causing it, how can you fix it?

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Do THIS to keep your audience on the edge of their seats

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Sam put them to sleep within the first 10 minutes of his 40-minute presentation.  He’s not alone in being able to do this.

The problem with corporate presentations is they’re lifeless.  Audiences slowly drown in a sea of droning boring corporate “they all look alike” PowerPoint presentations.

They all start with, “Today I’m going to talk to you a little bit about…”

Then they unroll a slowly moving parade of too many uninspired slides endlessly connected by unimaginative transitions of, “Now on my next slide you’ll see…”

If this is you, you’re gradually putting them to sleep. Your audience slowly, but politely, disengages. Their minds start drifting and they start covertly multitasking, their attention desperately seeing something to keep them awake. 

If they possibly can, your audience will start interrupting you.  I coached a VP last week who told me that when his people present to executives they always hear, “Okay, let’s stop here, stop presenting for a moment, just let me ask you some questions ….” and the execs just take over and drive the presentation into a ditch (as far as the presenter is concerned).

Here’s the thing to know about audiences: they only stay with you as long as they are learning from you, and what they’re learning must be new and interesting. 

I know, I know. The problem is you don’t have exciting content to work with.  You have, well, corporate presentation material. And, let’s face it, nobody’s ever made an action movie out of a corporate presentation. I understand your challenge.

But just because your material may seem boring, it does not mean that you have to be.

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When you hate seeing yourself on video

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“I hate seeing myself on video!  That person I see up there is not at all the person I want to be!!!”

I hear this all the time when I show my clients their first video at the start of their workshop.  It’s torture.

To see that person up there on the screen and feel powerless because it’s not who you want to be, and not even that person you know you are.

This is the struggle.  And it’s an incredibly important breakthrough when you are able to watch a video of yourself and love seeing yourself. 

Most people are not there.  What, and who, they are being is stiff, uncomfortable, disconnected.  And very unnatural. And they hate when they see themselves being this way.

By the same token, people don’t want to look the way many people look after they’ve done “speaker training”, like a speaker on steroids, overly pumped up, overly polished, over-rehearsed and scripted, performing not communicating.  That too is unnatural.

The worst part for people watching their first video is they don’t know what’s wrong.  They know there’s something wonderful trapped inside them, but when they get up to speak, it stays trapped.  This disturbs your confidence.  It disturbs your power. It disturbs your ability to be understood.

Being in a senior executive level position doesn’t alleviate this discomfort.  As a matter fact, it makes it worse, because there’s more “pressure to perform.” Your presentations are more visible and more widely critiqued.  Many senior executives dream of being free of presentation anxiety.

I’ve just described 80% of the people I see giving corporate presentations.  It’s so common, it passes for “normal”. 

But most people KNOW they’re capable of MUCH more.  Even if not one of them knows what’s wrong or how to get there.

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Your Presentation Mojo

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I’ve been delivering tons of virtual and in-person presentation skills workshops and coaching.  Extraordinary executives, brilliant engineers, top sales professionals, fascinating attorneys, individual contributors, early in career, the complete spectrum of corporate life.

They’re dynamic, charming, funny, warm, open, personable …. that is, until the workshop starts.

Then they each take turns giving their 1st presentation, before any coaching.

Suddenly life, personality and charisma drains out of them, they become very corporate.  Very businesslike, deadpan.   Dry data, cautiously stated conclusions, serious, matter-of-fact, completely restrained and inhibited self-expression.  Conservative. Suddenly it’s SERIOUS.

I remember a student I had a couple years ago who, when I asked her to tell me her goals for the workshop said, "I want to get my Mojo back. I used to have Mojo and somehow I lost it." Such a good goal!!!

When your Mojo’s working, you’re feeling GOOD.  And the audience can’t help but feel good too, and absolutely love you.

It has nothing to do with content.  Nothing at all to do with WHAT you’re talking about.

It has everything to do with YOU.

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Why "trendy terminology" destroys communication

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I was watching a video of a live presentation by Mark, the CEO of a major corporation with more than 40,000 employees.  Mark was visibly and painfully uncomfortable.  Worse yet, he was making a fool of himself.

Mark had heard about me and reached out with a request that I coach him on his presentation skills.  He had his Chief of Staff send me a couple of his recent videos to watch in advance “to see what he’s doing wrong”. 

Mark knew something was clearly wrong.  In our initial conversation, Mark told me, “The more feedback I get, the worse I’m getting.  I need someone to straighten this out for me.  I may not be the best public speaker in the world, but there’s no reason I need to be the worst.”

I started our first coaching session wanting to understand what was going on in his mind. I asked Mark, “What were you trying to do up there?”

Mark answered, “I’ve been given feedback that as a CEO I need to be vulnerable, and that I also need to be more passionate. That’s what I was trying to do.” 

I asked, “What does that mean?  Vulnerable and passionate?”

Mark looked at me, and with great pain in his eyes said, “I have no idea.”

Well, there you go.  Mark was trying really hard to execute something that was completely incomprehensible and confusing.

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Activating your power to inspire

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Alan has been giving “All-Hands” presentations to the 1500 people that report to him. His organization has over 80,000 people. They’re currently getting hammered in the news. The company has been struggling, trying to recover from mistakes made by the then-CEO five years ago.  Unfortunately, they’ve just had to announce layoffs.  There’s a tremendous amount of re-organization and re-shuffling happening. Where people will land is up in the air.  The future of the organization is uncertain and morale is at an all-time low.

Alan’s group has been the only one that’s been inspired. Why are they inspired? In the midst of all this, there is one reason only:  Alan is inspiring them.

This wasn’t always the case.

When Alan came to me for coaching, his desperate “pep talks” had been falling flat.  Alan said, “If I don’t inspire them, I’ve lost them. I need them inspired, aligned, engaged, and enthusiastic. I know it’s impossible, but I need them to stop listening to the news, to tune out what’s happening in the rest of the organization and focus on what we need to be doing.  I haven’t been able to get them to see it, but I know we can make a difference.”

That’s a difficult assignment when the only conversation in the halls is the latest trash in the news, who got laid off, who’s afraid of getting laid off, how all the “good people” are leaving, the shattered trust in management and loss of faith in the vision.

Alan wanted to be MORE than just understood.  That wasn’t enough.  He wanted to inspire. Many people who come to me for coaching want that.

It’s an important ability for a leader to have, at any time.

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The secret to creating an aura of success

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Kendra was giving a sales presentation to VIP prospects. She was explaining why her company would outperform the competition and why they were a better choice as a partner, even though they were newer and not as well-known. The message was powerful. She was saying things like, “We’re best at … We have the highest record of … No one can match our…”

Her words were well crafted and she was beautifully dressed. But her overall body language was unmistakably expressing a suppressed anxiety, a “I hope you believe me, I hope this works. Are you getting what I’m saying? Do you believe me?”  It was a bit tense, with a very slight nervousness.

The prospects were sitting there listening, no expressions on their faces. Kendra became progressively deflated as she went along, and then ended weakly with, “Well that about sums it up. Those are all of our strengths as a partner and we hope to do business with you.  Let me know if you have any questions.”

They chose the competitor.

When Kendra showed up for the Transforming Your Presentation Skills workshop, she explained to me that her company actually IS the best in the industry and why. It was clear she has a compelling story, and I mean really compelling.

Her delivery, on the other hand, inspired sympathy, not success.

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The day I helped an engineer perform a miracle

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I was part of the audience watching Louis present. The audience was listening, but unmoved. Louis could feel that and was suffering.

Until recently, his career had been focused on the engineering technology that was the core of his company’s success in the high-tech industry. He had now been promoted two levels up and his presentations were no longer to other engineers. They were now business presentations, not technical presentations. All the details that had made Louis an expert within the engineering community were uninteresting to his new audience of executives. Louis felt like a fish out of water. The senior executives he was presenting to looked and felt like a panel of cold, unresponsive strangers.

Louis had two goals when he began the Transforming Your Presentation Skills workshop, two skills he wanted to learn: how to keep his audience engaged and how to be persuasive. Louis felt both were impossible for him to ever achieve.

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You had me BEFORE “Hello”

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We've all heard the expression, “You had me at ‘Hello’.”  That sounds pretty good.  But when it comes to giving presentations, for a real winner that's way too late.  The really GREAT communicators will have you before they say “Hello”.

You see them standing there and, well BEFORE they ever say anything, you can SEE there's something different about them. 

Their poise, their dignity, their self-assuredness, their utter calm, make them stand out.

They don’t look like “normal” people.  They have presence.  They own the room.

It takes you in the audience only a split second to see all that.  Enough that you're intrigued, captivated, leaning forward a little to catch their words.

They have you well before, “Hello.”

This is the hallmark of a great communicator.

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How to sound authentic

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Victor says, “I want to sound authentic.”

What a funny request. I started laughing before I caught his serious look and stopped myself.

I asked him, “Are you saying you’re not authentic, but you want to sound like you are?”

Victor: “No, that’s not it. I think I’m authentic.”

But he didn’t sound sure.

Me: “Then what’s the problem?”

Victor: “I just don’t think I sound it. And I don’t know why.”

In a flash, I took in everything about Victor, and I understood.

It started when Victor was little and in school.

Authentic means being who you are, being genuine, true, in opposition to that which is false, fictitious or counterfeit, in other words “put on” to create an appearance.

When Victor was little, I’m sure he had no trouble being authentic. No 2-year old does.

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How to present in a very large room

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The room overwhelmed Alan the moment he stepped in and his eyes touched the endless space around him. Unfamiliarity with the enormous size crushed his confidence and sense of importance, leaving him feeling small, nervous and terribly self-conscious. His walk to the stage was uncomfortable, an awkward expression of embarrassment. Should he walk fast? Slow? He walked like he wasn’t sure.

Alan would be speaking to almost 1,000 of his organization’s leaders in this very room.

He already dreaded the moment the room would be filled with their faces, turned toward him, silently waiting for his first words.

Long before that moment arrived, Alan had already lost the battle to save his dignity and present with confidence.

It was an honor to be invited to join the senior leadership ranks, but Alan was far from feeling the grandeur he experienced when he watched the other senior execs present.

He simply felt small.

Anticipating the event had him drowning in a sea of misery and anxiety.

But Alan wasn’t ready to give in.

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The secret to keeping your audience on the edge of their seats

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Here’s the thing to know about audiences: they will only stay with you as long as they are learning.

I know, I know. The problem is you don’t have exciting content to work with. You have, well, corporate presentation material. And, let’s face it, nobody’s ever made an action movie out of a corporate presentation. I know your challenge. I get it.

But just because the material may seem boring, does not mean that you have to be.

This is something you can do with your own presentations to keep your audience on the edge of their seats. I’m going to tell you how a professional keeps their audience engaged.

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