Communicating "up" without feeling intimidated

“I want to promote him, but I can’t.”

I heard three different executives say this last week.  They were talking about three very different people that report to each of them, that they want me to coach, people who – by total coincidence – have the exact same problem holding them back.

It’s not an inability to do good work or a lack of their boss’s support.

Vikram, Martin and Sharni are all doing great work.  Their bosses absolutely want to promote them and are going to bat for them as best they can. They want to make Vikram a Vice President, and Martin and Sharni each a Director.

However, the bosses are getting stopped by pushback from their peers and their own bosses – all for the exact same reason:

Vikram, Martin and Sharni are not seen as “good communicators”.

All three have the same problem.  When they’re presenting to higher levels, they get intimidated, self-conscious, flustered, uncertain, and inarticulate.

As Martin‘s boss put it describing Martin: “He has too much reverence for authority.“

This is a good lesson for anyone who wants to get promoted to higher positions, but it’s actually a good lesson for anyone.

What’s happening? 

Sharni, Vikram and Martin don’t realize this, but I guarantee you, when they are talking to a high level executive, they are not actually SEEING the person in front of them.  What they “see” is the status and rank of the person.

If you took the exact same person and made them the janitor, Sharni, Vikram and Martin would have absolutely no problem talking to them.

When you are overly conscious of the other person’s position in the organization, you don’t “see” the person in front of you, you’re not talking to the person, you’re talking to the title.

The key to unlock this dilemma is to look at the person in front of you and see them. Look into their eyes, what do you see? Do you see kindness? Do you see stress? Do you see interest? What makes their eyes light up?  Get interested in them as a person and forget their title.

I’ve been coaching Vice Presidents and even some CEOs since I was in my 20’s. I can assure you. Underneath that title is a person.

They don’t want you to stress out. They want you to be confident as you communicate your ideas. Just the way you would if you were in their position.

Just imagine for a moment that you’re a Senior Vice President. How would you want people to talk to you? Would you want people to be fearful?  Or would you want people who are confident, warm, friendly, and smart below you?  Well that’s exactly what they want.

They want to hear from you. I’ve coached many people on how to communicate “up” and can assure you that the people above are always happy to hear from you if you have good ideas or good news.

And like Vikram, Martin and Sharni, when you do have great ideas, you don’t want your inability to communicate them to get in the way of your career.  Your ability to communicate well with ALL levels of the organization goes under careful scrutiny when you’re up for promotion.

It’s terrific that you have great respect for those in the upper levels.  But don’t diminish your own worth.  Don’t shrink.  Raise your chin up, put your shoulders back, think about what you DO know, and let them hear your voice.

Be the cause!