Javon was watching Anthony intently. He had just acknowledged him and was waiting in the pause. He was looking at Anthony’s reaction to the acknowledgment.
Slowly Anthony looked very satisfied, nodded his head, relaxed his shoulders, leaned back and smiled. Javon saw Anthony was ready to listen.
That had never happened before. Anthony was never ready to listen. Here’s what led up to it.
After Javon learned about the power of Acknowledgements in the Causative Communication workshop he went out and tried them with Anthony and promptly emailed me, “They don’t work.”
I set up a meeting and asked Javon, “Show me exactly what you did.” It was clear that Javon’s acknowledgements were given with a minimum of effort, almost a brush-off. And then he rushed to what he wanted to say. Javon had stripped his acknowledgments of their power.
I practiced with Javon until he was able to give acknowledgements that would do the incredible work that a perfect acknowledgement always does.
What we worked on most was having Javon give a definite pause after the acknowledgement, to stop and observe, checking to ensure there was a look of real satisfaction on the person’s face.
This look of real satisfaction comes from the overwhelmingly powerful feeling that being truly understood creates. It is one of the most powerful moments in any conversation. If you don’t see it, you need to remedy it fast, either by listening more or giving a more effective acknowledgement.
After ensuring the look of satisfaction was there, I then had Javon observe – Are they ready to listen? If not, don’t start talking.
It didn’t take much practice because Javon learned all this in the workshop, but he had gotten impatient in life and dropped it out.
Javon went back to talk to Anthony, the conversation I described above. It was the best conversation they had. Ever.
Javon was blown away. He sent me an email saying, “The power of the pause has changed my life and every conversation and relationship I have. Life will never be the same.”
Most people think it’s what you say that matters most. Javon discovered the secret is preparing them to listen. That’s how you lay the foundation for creating extraordinary outcomes.
Be the cause!