Coaching, Executive Presence
Ingrid Gudenas
Never start talking before you see them do THIS

Javon was watching Anthony intently. He had just acknowledged him and was waiting in the pause. He was looking at Anthony’s reaction to the acknowledgment.

Slowly Anthony looked very satisfied, nodded his head, relaxed his shoulders, leaned back and smiled. Javon saw Anthony was ready to listen.

That had never happened before. Anthony was never ready to listen. Here’s what led up to it.

Coaching, Executive Presence
Ingrid Gudenas
Becoming the most listened-to person in the ...

Farzad is the most listened-to person in the division. But it wasn’t always that way. His boss had contacted me saying, “Farzad is a great guy with tremendous substance, but his rambling presentations are driving everyone crazy. Especially my boss!”

Farzad was known as “The guy who talks the most and says the least.”

Farzad showed up for Coaching eager and interested in learning. He said, “I know I’m doing something wrong because everyone multi-tasks when I’m talking, but I have no idea what it is. If you can help me with that, I would love to have everyone listening to me.”

Coaching, Executive Presence
Ingrid Gudenas
When you're one conversation away from success

It was Valerie’s first Executive Coaching session of the new year and she was spiritless. She found out the CEO had decided to bypass her for the promotion from VP to Senior VP that she had been counting on. They wanted to bring in someone “fresh and with more experience” from the outside to be her new boss. Ugh!

Valerie got the bad news and then went out on the end of year holiday. It didn’t improve her mood.

“What’s going on?”  I asked her.

“It’s hard. It’s hard to come back. It’s hard to look forward to this new year with any optimism. I feel like I’m not being valued. My enthusiasm for what I’m doing is completely drained.”

What was really drained was her ability to communicate effectively. If you look at the above definition of causative, it’s the ability to make what you want happen. And the ONLY way to do that is through the way you communicate.

The only way to persuade is to communicate persuasively. The only way to convince is to communicate convincingly. The only way to shape reality with others is through your communication.

Coaching, Executive Presence
Ingrid Gudenas
Your most powerful tool for success in 2025

Happy New Year!

I want to share my secret. People often comment on my confidence. They think I’m always confident I’ll get the outcome I want. I don’t look at it that way.

Let me give you an example.

Coaching, Executive Presence
Ingrid Gudenas
The gift that transforms our world

Some gifts we give to enrich the lives of those we love. Presence is a gift we give ourselves that transforms our entire world and everyone in it.

Wishing you a very happy holiday with the people you love most!

Coaching

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Wearing your thoughts on your face

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“She gets very defensive whenever I ask her a question.”

Vincent was describing Vickie, the Executive Vice President who had just cast the deciding vote to veto Vincent’s promotion to Vice President.

Vincent was complaining about how difficult Vickie was just to talk to. And he was trying to get her to understand how qualified he was to be a VP.

From his perspective, the problem was …. Vickie.

And, it was true. She did get defensive with Vincent. He visibly irritated her.

But Vincent had identified the wrong root cause for why Vickie reacted this way to him. As you know, if you have the wrong root cause, you’ll get nowhere.

What was Vincent not seeing?

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"It's not my nature..." and other lies you've been told

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Valeria had a problem. She’s a passionate woman and it was a passionate problem. “People don’t listen to me. They tune me out. They don’t do what I’m asking them to do. They don’t even give me a response after a while.”

“It’s not my nature to talk slow.”

It has nothing to do with her nature. If it did, I wouldn’t have been able to help her.

With a little bit of coaching, I got Valeria to adjust her velocity (think of it as her “speed”, how many words she was jamming in) so people could really understand the individual words she was saying.

An amazing thing happened. And it happened very naturally. Valeria used fewer words.

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How to give up “persuasion” for something much better

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Tim: “You’re not going to believe this. It feels weird to have everything suddenly going well.”

What is Tim talking about?

He’s talking about a change in strategy that initially seems subtle, but one that creates more power than most people have had in their lives.

To understand it you have to understand humanity and the better you understand that, the more successful you will be.

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The pure signal you send to your audience

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A man on stage plays the trumpet. The note he plays floats out over the crowd. The audience is still. Listening. Absorbed in that note. Nothing exists but that moment, that note. He gives his note everything and, as he does, so does the audience. He holds it, lets it go. The audience lets out their breath as they gently land into the silence.

When he’s not playing his trumpet, this man is a powerful force for good in a leadership position within his world-renowned organization.

He aspires to senior leadership and came to us for coaching on Executive Presence.

It turns out that what he learned about presence elevates not only his communications in the challenging professional world he inhabits, but also in his extraordinary other world as a musician.

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The attorney who “out sold” the sales team

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Daniel wasn’t supposed to say anything. He was the Corporate Attorney in the meeting between Sales and the customer they hoped to get. It was a big customer: the government of a major European country. If they signed a deal, it was going to be hundreds of millions of dollars.

He was only there because the prospective customer had initiated a strong dispute about his organization’s licensing terms.

His only charter in this meeting was to protect their intellectual property. He was there to tell this prospective customer, “No, we can’t do that”.

Daniel was fresh from a Causative Communication workshop and was watching it all go down. What he saw was painful. He could see every mistake being made, but it was his job to stay silent until the discussion about the license dispute made its way to the top of the agenda.

Finally, he couldn’t take it anymore. He thought to himself, “Well, I don’t think I can make it any worse than it already is.”

And so he jumped into the conversation. The sales team was shocked. What did the corporate licensing attorney think he was doing????????

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The singular power of self-awareness

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“They don’t want to change.”

“They’ve been doing everything the same way a long time. They’re stuck in their ways and they just don’t want to hear about any new way of doing it.”

Adira spent 15 minutes detailing events and deeds that proved how stubborn “they” were and, with a flourish, she finished with, “Perhaps I should leave and go to a different organization where they value creative thought.”

So I asked, “What would be the most ideal outcome you can imagine? What would be really wonderful if it happened?”

She looked at me as if I had lost my mind. “Wonderful?????” She spent another 5 minutes patiently explaining to me how “these people” were far from ideal, how they did not measure up to her standards, did not live up to her expectations, and how disappointing it all was.

Adira had no awareness of what she was doing. None.

She had no idea she was being critical. She thought she was being objective.

My job was to raise her awareness.

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When you're not a "natural" public speaker

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Thomas was one of three experts on a cyber-security panel, a media interview with a live audience televised across the world.

Thomas was looking directly into the camera, eye contact strong, executive presence strong, confidence strong, competence undeniable.

I started coaching Thomas about two years ago. The presentations he was giving back then had much less visibility. As his competence increased, he was asked to present more frequently.

When you see him now, you would say he’s a natural.

That doesn’t mean he started out that way.

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How to get a thank you note when you say "NO"

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“No, I can’t do that for you.” “No, I can’t attend that meeting.” “No, I can’t give that presentation.” “No, I can’t be there.”

No one likes to say, “No”. It’s the same when you have to give bad news.

People are basically good. They don’t like saying, “No, you can’t have that.”

Imagine you’re in a job where you have to say, “No” 37 times a day.

Such was the life of Debbie Gross, Chief Executive Assistant for Cisco’s John Chambers, one of the top, most dynamic and cover-of-every-magazine CEOs in the world, leading a mega-organization of 70,000 employees, revenues of $48 billion.

Debbie had to say, “No” to heads of state, global CEOs and a multitude of impressively pushy individuals both inside and outside Cisco.

I remember well what happened the day Debbie changed her approach after one of our coaching sessions.

Results were instant.

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The art of knowing without seeing

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Alisa had an important presentation before our second Mastering Virtual Presentation Skills coaching session. She decided to try what she learned instead of her normal routine which is to look at her notes or her slides.

Afterward, Alisa made a brilliant observation, “The results exceeded expectations. Looking into the camera made me tune into their voices, how their voices sounded.”

I asked her, “What did the voices tell you?”

Alisa said, “I could tell they were warm, receptive, interested and engaged. I didn’t need to see their faces.”

Alisa is right. Human voices, when you really tune in, tell you everything.

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Managing 12 people in a heated debate

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Teams from three companies, different time zones, were coming together to discuss supplier issues. All three anticipating an unpleasant, contentious, argumentative, blaming, confrontational series of disagreements, punctuated by complete resistance on three sides.

Valerie, the vice president I’m coaching, was one of 12 people attending.

Valerie arrived to the meeting early. And did something no one had ever done before in their previous meetings: She turned on her camera.

As each person joined one by one, Valerie greeted them warmly and used the new skills we practiced in her coaching.

One by one, they all turn their cameras on and the next thing you know they were all talking warmly with each other. Like friends, actually.

And the meeting transformed into a collaboration.

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This never happens …

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Linda was given work that was beneath her capability. When she spoke up, she was dismissed. They gave a project that belonged to her to someone less qualified. No one would talk with her and her boss kept canceling their one-on-one meetings.

Everything about her was dark. She came across like doom and gloom combined with fear, resentment and blame.

Linda decided to find out what she was doing wrong that was causing her to fail, and to discover what she could do about it.

She transformed during the coaching. Every video showed dramatic progress. New strategies. New abilities. Real personal growth. She learned how to handle not just that situation, but any conversation, any communication challenge.

After using what she learned in our one-on-one coaching program, she became radiant and compelling. The people she works with changed from cold and hostile to warm and greatly appreciative.

They pushed her into a leadership position because they wanted her there. This never happens, ever.

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Being the seventh person

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Solomon Asch was a pioneer in Social Psychology. He designed and conducted a series of many experiments trying to understand individual judgment, including moral and ethical judgment, and the powers that, for better or worse, influence it.

The number of participants in the experiments varied, but often there were eight. One of them was always told they would be part of an experiment on visual judgment. This person believed the other seven people were told the same thing and were participating in the experiment on the same terms. What they didn’t know was that the other seven were all actors following a script.

It is stunning to realize that there was no instruction to conform given, suggested, or even implied. Not from the experimenter. Not from the other participants. The pressure and demand to conform came entirely and completely from the pressure the person put on themselves. They were their own executioner.

There are many, many situations in life in which each of us is the seventh person.

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Painting 2022 with your palette of dreams

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This week right now is for dreaming your 2022 into being.

2021 was all about What do I need to do to survive?

2022 does not have to be more of 2021. 2022 can go way beyond a survival endurance contest.

2022 can be about dreams that come true. Don’t look to the world for permission. There is no “Dream-Come-True Licensing Entity” that’s ever been any good.

You are your own licensing entity. You are the one who gives yourself a license to dream and to paint those dreams into reality, to make them come true. Or not.

Don’t limit your dreams by what other people dream.

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The tortured life of Senior Leadership

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Senior executives spend their days listening to endless proposals and briefings. They sit through so MANY presentations, it TORTURES them to listen to presenters who don’t get right to the point.

I’m sure you watch YouTube videos. Have you ever watched one that took a long time to get to the point? You know that feeling you got? Did you ever fast-forward hoping they would get to something good? Did you ever skip out before the end?

Senior executives LIVE with that feeling.

It’s torture. There’s no other word for it.

I’m sure they would wish for a remote control that could fast-forward. And they would use it liberally.

This is how to stand out from this crowd in your executive presentations:

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A night of goodness

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I love tomorrow’s holiday, a great tradition born on a chilly November night, exactly 400 years ago.

Dreamed into being in 1621 by a tough people after endless struggle through long periods of great hardship, tremendous hardship, more than we could ever imagine.

They sat down together as community, and enjoyed a moment of peace, for the simplest of purposes: to be grateful. Together.

Their hardships were not over. Far from over. This moment was no more than “a time out.”

It was a, “Let’s stop what we’re doing and create a night of goodness.”

It was also a perspective shift: “Let’s step back and admire what we’ve created amidst the swirling winds of adversity.”

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Executive presence doesn't work with training wheels

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Many executives who come to me for executive coaching come prepared with their word-for-word script.

What’s the problem with speaking from a script when you’re giving a presentation?

Well…what does a script say about your mindset? About your thoughts and feelings about yourself? Your feelings about the audience? About your true power?

Having a script sends out a lot of messaging about you that you might not want to be sending.

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