Alistair came to me for coaching because his evaluations were filled with words like “Dry”, “Dull”, and “Not inspiring”. They thought Alistair was a smart technical geek with no leadership ability. The “Loyalty” scores in his division hit the bottom.
It was very quickly clear to me that Alistair had tremendous leadership ability and was an exceptional strategist. He was tripping up on his ability to communicate, and so the outside world never saw it.
When you trip up on communication, you will trip up on leadership. They go hand in hand.
I coached Alistair on many skills. The continuing monthly evaluations from his All-Hands told us whether he was winning.
Watching Arjun’s initial presentation, I could see he was rational, professional, very corporate. But it was not compelling. You might walk away liking Arjun, but not much moved or influenced by him.
Virtual presentations had always thrown Arjun off, especially with people that he didn’t work closely with and didn’t see that often.
We worked on many skills. I’m going to talk about two that really made a big difference. They both have to do with your state of mind.
A well-loved and successful Vice President recently came to an in-person Causative Communications class we were delivering for their company to talk to the students about how she utilizes the skills she gained from our classes to create real success in her daily life and her career.
The students loved her talk. She was supposed to talk for about 20 minutes, but they were so enthralled it went on for about an hour and a half, with question after question, each followed by her giving them practical advice that inspired them. Their faces were glowing listening to her.
One question she was asked was, “How do you prepare for a challenging meeting or big presentation?” This was a particularly good question for her because she goes into many very difficult negotiations and conversations, as well as gives many important presentations. Her answer will surprise you … (read more)
Tuesday was the first day of the Causative Communication course. Prasant had just learned about affinity and the difference it makes to communication. He learned that he actually needed to feel it if he wanted to be successful, and that finding something to like about the other person was the key to feeling it.
That sounded “great in theory”, but Prasant said it was “impossible” for him to find anything to like about Martin. However, Prasant knew only too well that what he was doing wasn’t working. He’d reached the point of being willing to try anything.
A number of years ago, my father called and told me he was going to be in San Francisco giving a talk. He said, “Let’s have dinner afterward!” I was thrilled, and said I’d love to also see his talk. I’d never seen my father give a presentation. He was a trial attorney who won a lot of cases, including one in front of the Pennsylvania Supreme Court. I knew he did a lot of public speaking, but I’d only ever seen him be a father.
Following signs in the hotel lobby leading to his talk, I walked into the glittering ballroom in the Mark Hopkins, a grand 5-star hotel high atop ritzy Nob Hill, and found my father speaking … to hundreds of attorneys who packed the room to listen to him.
What?????? This was my father??????
Terror, fear, even a little anxiety, makes people talk too fast. When you talk too fast, your words lose their meaning. Correct pacing is the hallmark of a professional speaker. There was one thing that Mariela was doing that was causing ALL the problems I just mentioned. She was talking to EVERYONE.
It seems logical. You have 300 people in your audience - you should talk to 300. Right?
This is the worst thing you can do.
Alan has been giving “All-Hands” presentations to the 1500 people that report to him. His organization has over 80,000 people. They’re currently getting hammered in the news. The company has been struggling, trying to recover from mistakes made by the then-CEO five years ago. Unfortunately, they’ve just had to announce layoffs. There’s a tremendous amount of re-organization and re-shuffling happening. Where people will land is up in the air. The future of the organization is uncertain and morale is at an all-time low.
Alan’s group has been the only one that’s been inspired. Why are they inspired? In the midst of all this, there is one reason only: Alan is inspiring them.
This wasn’t always the case.
When Alan came to me for coaching, his desperate “pep talks” had been falling flat. Alan said, “If I don’t inspire them, I’ve lost them. I need them inspired, aligned, engaged, and enthusiastic. I know it’s impossible, but I need them to stop listening to the news, to tune out what’s happening in the rest of the organization and focus on what we need to be doing. I haven’t been able to get them to see it, but I know we can make a difference.”
That’s a difficult assignment when the only conversation in the halls is the latest trash in the news, who got laid off, who’s afraid of getting laid off, how all the “good people” are leaving, the shattered trust in management and loss of faith in the vision.
Alan wanted to be MORE than just understood. That wasn’t enough. He wanted to inspire. Many people who come to me for coaching want that.
It’s an important ability for a leader to have, at any time.
I received a tremendous number of emails in response to my last article, many people tremendously grateful for a way to rebuild relationships that are being destroyed by today’s politics. Many asked for a link so they can post on their social media and I want to also provide that here for you
I’ll be writing more about this topic next week as we are on the cusp of Thanksgiving, our deeply cherished and joyous celebration of family, love, and way too much food. How do we create the great emotional, spiritual and physical satisfaction we crave during this crazy time?
For this week, I want to address a lighter topic: your camera presence.
Camera presence is how you show up for your conversations, meetings and presentations when you’re virtual.
You want to make the people you’re talking to feel like you’re right there with them. You want all the technology to melt away to create a feeling of closeness. And you want them to react warmly toward you the moment they see you.
Camera presence is a subject where small things make a big difference. Here are some of the key mistakes people make. I’ll show you with photos of Janet, our wonderful Lead Trainer. See if any of these photos look like you.
Camera angle is important. This is the most frequent mistake I see. Your camera lens needs to be on a straight horizontal line directly across from your eyes. Most people are looking DOWN at their laptop. This makes you look like you’re looking down at me. HOT TIP: We should NEVER see your ceiling. Looking up isn’t any better. You need to be looking directly across into the lens. This means putting your laptop on a laptop stand (or a bunch of books, or a box, etc) and making sure the lens is HIGH enough to be horizontally across from your eyes.
2. In Hollywood the stars know that lighting is everything. Most people are in the dark. They don’t know what ENOUGH light looks like. The light needs to be in FRONT of you. It needs to light up your face. It needs to not reflect in your glasses. See how COLD Janet looks when she’s in the dark.
3. Some people are so thoroughly in the dark, they look like they’re in the Witness Protection Program. This is mainly because the source of light is behind them (usually a window) and they have no light in front of them.
4. This is better, but many people make the mistake of lighting only half their face (usually because there’s a window on one side), while the other side of their face is dark. This does not bring out the best in you.
5. Here the lighting is good, but Janet is sitting too far away. Look at all that dead, empty space over her head and around her. Whatever she says to you will not be as impactful as it would be if she were filling the screen. You don’t feel close to her. You should fill the screen.
6. Fill the screen, but not at a weird angle – the top of her head is chopped off.
7. This is what you look like when you are looking at the other person’s video on the screen during the conversation. If you’re talking while looking at my video, it looks like you’re talking to my knee. Not impactful, not powerful, not effective. I know, I know, I know – YOU feel comfortable looking at the video and you don’t feel comfortable looking into the camera lens. I totally understand. But this is how you LOOK when you feel comfortable. Not good. You need to get comfortable looking into the lens while you’re talking. If you have any difficulty doing that, sign up for Mastering Virtual Presentations and I’ll teach you how to do it. This makes a HUGE difference in how effective you’ll be. I have a great knee, but it doesn’t deserve all that attention. :)
8. This is what you look like when you are looking at the camera LIGHT. You need to look at the camera LENS – NOT the light. Yes, this is better than looking like you’re talking to my knee – but now it looks like you’re talking to my left ear. Eye contact is king when it comes to human relationships and the camera lens is their eyes.
9. Here Janet is off-center. You need to be in the center of the frame for the most powerful and effective communication.
10. Here we go! The camera angle and lighting are terrific. Look how good she looks with her face fully lit up! Compare to the darker photos above and you’ll see what I mean. She’s centered and close enough to fill the screen. Looking straight into the camera lens, she looks like she’s looking straight at you. If she showed up for your meeting looking like this, what would be your first reaction? If you’re like most people, you’d like her right away. Her camera presence is great. And that sets the right foundation for excellent communication and a wonderful relationship.
Take a look through all these photos and see which person you most connect with. You can see the difference all these points make and adjust your camera presence accordingly so YOU create the best impression and relationship.
NOTE ABOUT LIGHTING: Lighting is SUPER important. You can get an inexpensive (less than $20) “Ring Light” that clips onto your laptop and a wide variety of others on Amazon. No, we don’t sell them, but you can easily find them with a search on Amazon. I and my team had to experiment with different lights until each of us found the right ones for us. Janet has a window on her left side (you can see it in the photo) and a ring light clipped to the laptop on her right side to light up the dark side. You need to light up your WHOLE face and make sure it is WELL LIT. This is important. For sure you won’t make it in Hollywood without it. :)
Please feel free to send me a screen shot of yourself and I’ll give you coaching tips on what you need to do to look fabulous on camera. I’ll do this with the first 25 screen shots I get.
Are you ready for your close-up?
Be the cause!
Their VP sent them for coaching on virtual presentation skills. It was obvious they didn’t want to be here. They’re Senior Directors, Senior Managers. Busy, don’t have time for this. Forced to endure. Probably secretly planning to multitask.
It was a group of 20 and, after the main intro lecture, the ETS Trainers and I divided them up for personal coaching. I took 5 into my breakout session.
I soon had them laughing. I hate seeing the misery of being forced to be somewhere you don’t want. I don’t try to make people learn something they’re not interested in. I personally had too much of that in school, where often I was more prisoner than student.
I established a fast friendship with the group and let them know I would teach them only what they wanted to know.
I asked each one how good they wanted to be. I let them know I could take them to rock star level if they wanted, but they were responsible for furnishing their own personal goals. I expected their goals to be as individual as they are.
I also warned them: the higher your goal, the tougher a coach I’m going to be. I have much to accomplish in six hours. So I don’t spend time messing around with anything not important.
I asked what level of coaching they wanted: light, medium or really tough. They all perked up by this point and unanimously requested tough coaching. They were now fully engaged. So we dove in.
As each one gave a short presentation, I got a sense of how they were currently doing it.
I can say this about all of them.
Their camera presence was uninspiring. In dark shadows, bad lighting, terrible camera angle, weak positioning. No executive presence. None.
These are leaders!
When it came to speaking, they were corporate and wooden. Stiff.
Not engaging. No chance of it. Audiences would be multitasking in less than three minutes.
Brilliant minds. Fabulous content. No impact. Yawn.
And with the birth of sudden hope that I could get them there, they all now wanted to be rock stars.
No problem.
You know why I say that? Because every ability they want is within them, just as every ability you want is within you.
Education comes from the Latin word educare, which came from the Latin ex (out) + ducare (to lead), to lead out.
And that’s what I do. I show my students how to find that ability within themselves and I lead it out of them. I lead initially, and they follow until they get the hang of it. And then they can finish the job and lead it all the way out. Then they are the leaders. Of themselves.
I often spend a good bit of time undoing all the damage that’s been done to their natural ability.
The informal and formal training they’ve gotten on “how to give presentations” often ruins it.
All these people who think they “have no natural ability” find out: not true. You do have great ability. And once you tap into it, it’s unstoppable.
I’ll give you an example that affected these five. It ties back to the reason why they were corporate and wooden.
They explained to me that they’re in a “technical field” and this is “how people in this field are.”
They had the firm belief that they needed to be “serious and professional”. And that “serious and professional” means using big words, formal language, erasing the pleasure in their hearts, killing the twinkle in their eyes, and wiping the smiles off their faces.
This is faulty education.
Professional should come from the quality of your work and serious should come from the intensity of your commitment. Both of these are demonstrated in your results, not how cold your face and your eyes are.
We got the lighting right for each of them so they showed up handsome and with executive presence. It’s politically incorrect these days for me to tell my clients that they’re handsome, but I can tell you.
When you get your camera presence right, you are handsome. Or beautiful, as the case may be. I see it every time.
Trying to be “serious and professional” (you can now read that as “corporate robot”), had diminished and almost extinguished each of their intensity.
These are VERY intense men. (I love intense people.) I gradually, gradually, gradually brought out all their intensity. I showed them how to experience and communicate that intensity while still being fully connected and in rapport with their audience. It’s glorious to see them speak now.
Learning to form a connection with their virtual audience, to speak naturally and powerfully, to really get their message to land, transformed these five.
Each of them now has charisma. Unique, very individual, powerful charisma.
As I coached each one, I had the others give feedback also. I thought I was a tough coach! They were brutal with each other once they got the hang of what I was doing. Relentless critics. But it was all done in the spirit of helping and we were laughing a whole lot. It was fabulous.
By the end, they were giving each other enthusiastic thumbs up, blown away not only by what they were capable of themselves, but what they now saw in their colleagues.
I fell in love with all five. There’s many kinds of falling in love. I’m talking about the swept away by competence kind. Of course it’s politically incorrect for me to tell them, but I’m telling you. They were amazing. Each one of them had the rest of us on the edge of our seats feeling like we could listen to them forever.
I can’t even describe the feeling it gives me to know that each one of them is now going to create that feeling with all of their virtual meetings and audiences. To know that every future audience is in for the most delightful of surprises.
Audiences are hungry for great presenters, especially virtual audiences. And these five, actually the whole group of 20 who worked with the other incredible ETS coaches, have the power now to create that charisma, anywhere, anytime, with any who.
And so do you, my friend. And so do you.
Get your camera presence right. Connect with your audience. Forget all the BS you’ve been taught about being stiff and wooden to convince the world that you’re really professional. Tap in to that charisma within you. And sweep them away.
Be the cause!
I get a sense of how desperate audiences are for someone who can give them REAL communication whenever I speak at conferences. It starts during pre-conference meetings with the conference organizers as they prepare me for what to expect.
I was recently asked to speak at a week-long virtual conference. I was speaking on the third day and the organizer wanted to touch base right before. So we talked on Tuesday. He said I would have to” really worry” about this group. “They’re only 2 days into the conference and they’re multitasking through everything. We can monitor engagement and it’s only around 20% at any given time.”
And then he started suggesting all kinds of techniques and gimmicks for me to use to increase engagement. Like calling participants out by name and other dreadful things my third grade teacher used to do.
I sincerely appreciated the heads-up going into my talk, but I’m antipathetic to any techniques or gimmicks. I believe in the power of new truths, in my own powers and in the intelligence of the audience.
I also believe that if the speaker isn’t good enough, the audience should multi-task – just to preserve their own sanity, especially during a week-long conference!
So, I started my presentation. The audience was engaged from the get-go. I was anticipating a challenge and there wasn’t any.
The conference organizer called me the next day, beside himself with enthusiasm, to tell me engagement for the 3 hours of my seminar had been 100%. They’d never seen anything like this. I let him know that I really appreciated his heads-up going in.
Right on the heels of that, I spoke at another week-long conference with a large international audience. This time I was on the fifth day, Friday. By this time, virtual audiences are usually as close to dead as you can get without actually burying them.
This conference organizer sternly let me know that the conference was precision-timed and no speaker was allowed to go even 60 seconds over their allotted time. I had precisely one hour. The clock would start ticking the second he was finished introducing me.
He made this clear in an email, in our 2 pre-conference planning meetings, and then just in case I hadn’t gotten the message, he told me again right before we started.
I had carefully precision-timed my talk to end precisely at the 60-minute mark, not one second longer.
It was going well and then unexpectedly halfway through my talk, the conference organizer was frantically texting my assistant, “The senior exec is loving this! Please tell her to take an extra 15 minutes! No one wants it to end!”
When I got this message, it was so unexpected, I was doing my best to not burst out laughing while wildly scrambling in my mind for, “What the heck am I going to talk about for another 15 minutes?”
And, less than 24 hours later, I was flooded with new requests to speak from that conference.
I can hear people asking, Well, how did you do that?
You should know that I am anti-technique, anti-gimmick.
Here’s what I do.
I have something worthwhile to say. Very.
I care about them. A lot.
I communicate. And I do it very well.
And I maintain a meaningful dialogue throughout. Many people think it’s challenging to do it virtually with a large audience, but I don’t find it so. That two-way interaction throughout is good for me and it’s good for them.
This is what I teach others to do too because I want to live in a world where we ALL are able to communicate with each other. As one of my clients said, “I am signing so many people up for your workshops because I don’t want to sit through any more boring presentations!”
And I don’t want anyone to ever be that boring presenter when I know the great things each one of us is capable of.
My real message to you in all this is this:
The world is being bombarded with people talking. Talking, talking, talking.
The world is starved for someone who can create a REAL connection, REAL communication. They eagerly tune in to you when you give them that. They enthusiastically engage with you. They want more of it. They are starved for it.
That is what they want from you.
You want 100% engagement? Go ahead and give them an abundance of the truly satisfying communication they are longing for. With the power of your ideas. With your powers to communicate them.
Be the cause!
The essence of humanity is our individuality. Because of this, we each have unique viewpoints. Often we have emotions attached to them.
“Viewpoint” literally means, “the point from which you view”. If you’re at the bottom of the mountain looking up, the top looks very different than it does after you’ve climbed it. You’ve changed your viewpoint. You now see it from a different viewpoint. You now possess two viewpoints of the mountain top.
You can say what is true for you at the bottom. The truth will be different when you’re at the top.
The challenge becomes when we try to communicate our different viewpoints. Often it goes smoothly. But not always.
When it doesn’t, it’s generally because disagreement is overwhelming the conversation, and has overpowered understanding.
When there’s no understanding, there’s no real acknowledgment of what is said. And that’s when communication goes south.
Understanding and agreement are very different. “Understanding” means, “I can see it from your viewpoint, I see what you’re seeing from your point of view, I perceive it clearly.”
“Agreement” means, “I think the same way as you do, I consent, let’s do that, I have the same opinion, I even think you’re right.”
To simply see something from another’s point of view is often the greatest challenge people have.
They’re so busy disagreeing, they stop seeing.
The problem people have is this: when they don’t agree, they withhold their understanding. They say things like, “I don’t understand how you could feel that way.” Or they mistake this for understanding: “I totally understand you. You’re selfish, stupid, stubborn and you’re wrong.”
The moment you withhold your understanding, even a little, you suppress the one thing that makes communication, and relationships, work.
Understanding is a skill. A high level skill. A powerful ability.
The more you perfect it, the more magical your life becomes.
I received this email from a student who completed Causative Communication online training a week ago:
“I'm amazed at how quickly it allows a conversation to move on by acknowledging, and how finding the words is easy when you have affinity. It's exactly what we learned, but it has not stopped happening outside of class or at work. I've also shared the approach I learned with my kids, and I've seen them be successful with it as well.
“My son struggles with anxiety, and in particular he worries about making people angry by not agreeing with them. I told him about affinity, acknowledging, and the difference between understanding and agreeing, and with a little practice at home, it has completely changed his perspective on interacting with people, and eliminated that fear!”
I love that there is a young boy who is learning how to be causative, how to freely communicate and exchange viewpoints with anyone, while still a child. This is going to serve him well throughout his entire life.
It gives me great joy that his fear, his anxiety, has vanished.
This opens up the whole world to him, and endless possibilities.
With affinity, understanding and acknowledgments, you possess the tools to create magic in any conversation, to bring about affinity, understanding and acknowledgment in others.
When you have this certainty, you can achieve harmonious collaboration with anyone, and the ability to create the future you dream of.
Every service we offer, whether it’s online/offline, in a group or even one-on-one, will move you forward towards that goal.
Be the cause!
Learning does something nothing else can. It engages and exercises your mind, fills you with well-being and makes you feel powerful.
Today I’ll tell you about Virginia and the transformation that learning created in her life…
Virginia is a really good person, but she never stood out. She interviewed for a number of exciting new roles within her company … and kept not getting them.
She works for a company that offers our classes to their employees, which is how I met her. Virginia showed up for Causative Communication eager and motivated to find out how to create a winning streak.
The following week she was in Mastering Virtual Presentations and, as I started the class, she interrupted, bubbling over with enthusiasm, and said, “There’s something I need to tell you:
“Right after the last class I had to do an extremely difficult series of interviews for a competitive position. I was interviewed by a panel of executives, followed by a series of one-on-ones with key stakeholders. The next day their HR partner called me and said, ‘I normally never tell anyone this so quickly, but we’ve all talked and you are for sure the person we want in this role. Everyone who interviewed you said that, compared with everyone else they interviewed, you really stood out. You created such a bond and trust with each one of us, we all felt you’re part of our team already! One of the execs even said that a wonderful positive energy comes from your eyes. We can’t wait to have you start!”
She was the same person, but the result was completely different. Keep in mind: she created “a bond and trust” with people and execs she didn’t know and these interviews were all virtual!
REAL communication dissolves all barriers. It creates true understanding, trust and a closeness you wouldn’t think could be possible when you’re virtual.
Virginia had a clear and beautiful vision of success. And a firm decision to make it.
Learning enabled her to cross that bridge. And now she’s flying high with wings that will keep her airborne.
Learning enables you to cross any bridge into the land of your dreams. That’s why a great teacher is such a gift in your life and to the world.
Never let your current level of ability limit your dreams. There’s no ability you can’t develop. All the abilities you could ever want are inside of you, like many seeds waiting for sun and water.
Your dreams are there for a reason. They are waiting for you to live them.
And learning can make it all possible.
What are you going to learn next?
Be the cause!
Many, many people have been signing up for our online training. It’s very uplifting and, as one of my clients said, “It makes you feel good about the world and it makes you feel good about yourself.”
That’s one of my purposes, so it makes me very happy to hear that. It’s a good time for learning.
I’m coaching a lot of people on their virtual presentation skills these days. I have about 50 students this week alone, a combination of workshops and one-on-one coaching for execs.
Here’s one question that comes up a lot:
“I know I’m supposed to look into the camera, but I want to see their faces to see their reactions to what I’m saying. How do I look into the camera and see their reactions at the same time?”
My answer surprises them.
There’s a huge difference between:
A. Causing the reaction you want and KNOWING you caused it without having to look
B. Doing something and then stepping back to look and see what reaction they’re having.
When someone says they need to “see their faces” to know their reaction, it immediately tells me they don’t have enough ability or skill to simply cause their intended reaction and know they caused it. Without looking.
You have to be pretty good to do that.
This level of ability gives you a super high degree of certainty. It’s a, “I don’t have to look, I KNOW I did it.”
For example, when you can say, “I don’t need anyone to tell me no one was multitasking during my presentation. I KNOW they weren’t.” And you’re right.
Or, “I don’t need to see if they get it. I KNOW I delivered it so well that they absolutely got it.”
Or, “They don’t need to tell me. I KNOW they like me. I KNOW they agree with me.”
Or, “I don’t need to see if they’re inspired or are going to act. They are and they will.”
And they do.
In other words, you knowingly caused it and you’re sure you did.
This kind of certainty comes from being able to hit it out of the park, an expression describing an American baseball batter hitting a home run that makes the ball travel so high and so far, it flies way out of the stadium beyond anyone’s reach.
What I’m talking about is being able to tell by the perfect FEEL of your swing, by the impact when you connect with the ball, and the special sound of the crack of the bat … everything about that motion feels so right, you start running around the bases because you KNOW you have a home run.
It takes an incredible amount of intention to achieve that.
Intention is positive and deliberate purpose. Deliberate means you’ve decided. Positive means totally certain. Certain means no doubt. Intention means no doubt about the outcome.
When you have that level of intention, magic happens. Whether it’s baseball or communication.
Society encourages self-doubt, but surrenders to intention.
I think I’ve mentioned to you that my inbox is full of successes and wins from students. What a joy to read them!
This week one of our recent students from Mastering Virtual Presentations wrote that she’d been invited to present to 200+ people at a Virtual event earlier in the day. She wrote she created, “25 minutes of focused presentation, total connection with the audience, eye contact, Affinity, FUN and intention! It all came to life!”
She had 200 people watching her that she couldn’t see. Did she have any visible sign that she was connecting with them?
No, she just KNEW, just like the guy who hit the home-run knows.
It’s funny. When you have that level of ability, you can actually FEEL the energy of the audience coming back to you, even when you can’t see them. Don’t ask me how, you just do. It’s powerful.
What happened after her talk? Over 50 people spontaneously reached out and emailed her kudos. 50 out of 200. Spontaneously.
When does that ever happen? Home-run.
By the way, she’s not a senior executive. She’s not someone people have to play up to. She’s an individual contributor. With noticeably amazing communication skills.
You cause the reaction of the people in your audience. Or you are the effect of their reaction.
It’s all up to you.
That’s why it’s so important for you to have a clear decision about what reaction you want to cause and the ability to do it. Then you can go ahead and cause it.
And KNOW you did it, whether or not you see their faces.
Work on your abilities. Work on your intention. Work on your certainty. They will lead you down the path to magic.
If you want to fast track your journey down that path, I invite you to get involved in one of the events below…
Be the cause!
I just received an email from a recent student who wrote:
“I did your Causative Communication online training to learn how to handle difficult conversations. The weirdest thing happened. I’ve stopped having difficult conversations!!! I haven’t had ANY since the training!”
Then she wrote two words that I’m very used to seeing in my inbox:
“It’s magic.”
Magic is when you produce a spectacular, even impossible, effect with very little effort, done so swiftly it’s invisible how you did it.
In difficult conversations, most people are used to expending a TREMENDOUS amount of effort and getting a mediocre or frustrating result. So, what she’s describing IS magic.
The other word you see in her email above is one I’ve also gotten used to seeing and hearing from our students and clients:
Weird.
I hear this word a lot. At one point I joked I was going to call it Weird Communication, but I knew that unless someone’s done the training, they wouldn’t understand.
Let me explain why it’s weird.
I have another client who recently put all of our online training into their corporate catalog to make it available to 100,000 employees. She sat in to observe our first three training sessions to make sure they were going well. A lot was at risk for her if they weren’t.
After the first session she said,
“That was weird. They were all paying attention. That’s really weird for 6 hours of virtual training that they would pay attention the whole time. What was even weirder was I was planning to multitask as I was listening and I couldn’t multitask. I’m the world’s busiest multitasker and I just couldn’t do it. I found myself riveted and being attentive the whole time. That was really weird.”
After the second session she said,
“That was so weird. I can’t believe how much people change in such a short period of time. It’s like they blossom before your eyes. They become compelling. You start to really LIKE them WAY more. That’s weird to watch how they are at the beginning and how they are at the end, so different.”
After the third session she said,
“I know I keep saying the word “weird”, but it really IS weird. I’m watching these people transform in these workshops and you do it so quickly and so consistently, that’s so weird.”
Then I overheard her telling her boss, “These training programs are so good, they’re weird.”
She’s not the only one who’s used this word. I hear it often. Almost as often as I hear the word magic.
When some says something is weird, they mean it’s really unexpected. They mean it’s hard to believe.
I understand. I know the world we live in. I know it well.
It’s a world where GREAT communication is weird. A world where creating a spectacular effect with very little effort is weird. Where a “normal person” being able to create consistent magic is weird. Where having a great teacher and learning how to do it in such a short time is really weird.
It’s weird to suddenly have everything going exactly the way that you’d like.
It’s weird to suddenly have a great relationship with someone that you haven’t been getting along with.
It’s weird to suddenly be able to influence an entire organization.
It’s weird to tell your child to go to bed once and have them do it cheerfully and willingly.
It’s weird to present an idea and have it immediately accepted.
It’s weird to be alone in a room talking to a virtual audience that’s far away and be able to feel their energy coming back to you and know they are swept away and totally with you even though you can’t see them.
Great communication IS magic. Creating magic is weird. Learning how to create magic is weird. They’re all spectacular. They’re all hard to believe.
Want to hear something really weird? I looked up the derivation of the word weird (where it came from) and, get this, the word originally meant the power to control your fate or destiny.
That’s precisely what being CAUSATIVE is all about. That’s precisely the PURPOSE of Causative Communication.
So, I guess in today’s world – that’s weird!
I personally don’t WANT to live in a world where great communication is weird. I want to live in a world where BAD or frustrating communication is weird. Where argument, misunderstanding, conflict, hostility, crushing disappointment, bitterness, not feeling heard, anxiety and fear are weird.
That’s WHY I’ve chosen this path. To help the world around me gain the REAL abilities needed to make magic happen.
I was grinning reading the email above. Nothing makes me happier than to know someone came to me to learn how to handle difficult conversations (of which she had many prior to the training) only to find that, MAGICALLY, after the training she doesn’t have any.
This is what I have to say to her:
“Welcome to this new weird world. It’s so GOOD, it’s weird. You have a magic wand in your hand called new communication ability. I know you’re using it to make the world a better place and we are all grateful for it. Continue on!”
Be the cause!
Leader is not a title. You can’t get promoted into it. And you can’t get demoted out of it.
Nelson Mandela was a great leader even when he was in jail.
I’m coaching many leaders, and many individuals with high potential for leadership. As I watch them change, it’s clear that communication skill marks a leader.
Yes, you have to have good ideas. But lead means cause to follow. And people don’t follow good ideas poorly communicated.
For example, I’m coaching Steve, a new SVP of a major corporation. Steve’s first day on the job was the first day his organization sheltered from home. So he’s met no one in person. It’s all virtual.
Steve’s predecessor had been in the role many years and was well loved. But the organization had gone stale. They were seriously falling behind others in their industry.
Steve was hired to create breakthroughs. Not incremental change. Breakthroughs.
Steve was very successful as a technical leader in another major, but smaller, high tech corporation. He had risen through the ranks and proven himself, both as a technical leader and as someone people could talk to, as trustworthy.
The problem was, it took years to warm up to him. Mainly because his communication skills were those of someone who is, as he calls himself, a technical guy. It’s one of the first things he told me, “I’m a technical guy.”
It was his way of saying, “I haven’t worried about my communication skills.”
Over time you learn that he is a GREAT technical guy who actually SHOULD lead because he has GREAT ideas, but it’s not something you see right away.
About a month after he started, the CEO asked Steve to present his strategy for the organization to the thousands who would be watching him virtually.
The reviews he received after this presentation were lukewarm.
Steve was the new leader of an organization that was uninspired, and even skeptical, about following him. He desperately needed a breakthrough in their trust of, and enthusiasm for, his leadership to innovation.
Let me repeat this: Steve has GREAT ideas. But he did not get them across to the thousands of people watching him.
I watched him change as I coached him.
I never coached him on the words he was using. His words were fine. I coached him on the RELATIONSHIP he built with his audience.
Now, keep in mind, this was all VIRTUAL! So this is an audience Steve has NEVER SEEN. And it’s a LARGE audience.
I coached him on creating a strong CONNECTION with the audience and a powerful RAPPORT with them.
Also on HOW to make eye contact with a virtual audience. Everyone “knows” eye contact is important – but there are 1,000 different KINDS of eye contact. You have to make the ONE kind that really matters.
And I coached him on how to make everyone feel like he was right there WITH them – in the SAME room – and feel like, “He is talking to me.”
Steve just sent me the video of his most recent presentation. He looks like a completely different person. It’s powerful and compelling.
The feedback Steve received on this last presentation was dramatically different from the first one. Emails are flying through the organization by managers who had planned to work on their emails while listening to Steve’s presentation and they found it AMAZING (their words) – they were incapable of multi-tasking – they were riveted to watching and listening to him.
And (this is so politically incorrect), he looks really handsome in this one (don’t worry, he’s very happily married). I just find the people I coach look more handsome and more beautiful when they become GREAT communicators.
In short, Steve is now coming across as a LEADER. It wouldn’t matter where you put him in the organization. People will follow.
Great ideas + great communication skill = you’re effective.
Build the relationship with your audience. Communicate exceptionally well.
For decades, I have been on a mission to take will-be leaders like Steve and help them acquire the skills to fully step into that leadership position.
You’ll see the list of offerings below this message that we use to do that. If you see something that resonates with you, choose it.
Just remember this:
It doesn’t matter what your position is. If you learn to lead, others will follow. And when they do, you’ll KNOW you have just put yourself in a position to create powerful change.
Be the cause!
I woke up this morning to an email from a recent student. She just got promoted and could not be more excited. She’s a Millennial. It’s her first promotion. She’s flying high. Another student was promoted to SVP of a major Silicon Valley multinational corporation. Someone took a screen shot of the joy in her face when she was told the news during a virtual staff meeting and this beautiful photo has been shared a thousand times.
My inbox is full of good news. Some days I can’t even keep up with it.
I’ve been wanting to create online training for years. My staff will tell you it’s been on my “goals for the year” for a loooong time. I never had the time. We were always so swamped with in-person clients, there wasn’t a moment to sit down and design training for a whole new medium.
And then “now” happened. When I pulled the staff together and asked them what they thought about the situation, they didn’t even have to think. They said, “Great opportunity to do what we’ve been wanting to do for years.”
And so we are.
In the last several weeks we’ve built an online business overnight. Everyone working overtime. It’s going better than even we expected.
We’ve been overwhelmed by the client demand for this training. It turns out we have people all over the country and the world who have been wanting to do our services, but weren’t able to travel or have us come there.
We’ve trained hundreds of people in the last several weeks, WAY more than we were ever able to do in person, and the wins are pouring into my inbox more than ever. I was delighted to discover that the amazing wins our clients have always had working with us in person also happen when they work with us virtually. I can’t tell you how relieved I am! I was worried the client wins would be less. Not so! Whew!
We were able to offer free webinars for several weeks. But we’re now being asked to do so many sessions for individual corporations, we simply don’t have time to continue them at the moment.
There’s one exception. A number of organizations asked me to put something together specifically for engineers. We have so many of them around us. So you’ll see a free webinar just for them below (or for you if you are one!).
I’ve learned so much in the last several weeks. Some I already knew, but it really came home to me seeing so many people win in such a short period of time:
When you have the ability to engage any audience or any individual and create a powerful impact when you’re virtual, there’s no one in the world you can’t reach.
Despite what most people think, the word virtual does NOT mean, “Not there.” It means, “MAKE IT REAL.” The word virtual literally means, “Having the power of being real.” Even though it’s not actual, it is AS POWERFUL as if it were real.
That means your virtual presence should be as strong, powerful and real as if you were in the same room. It means your communication should be as strong, powerful and real as if you were right in front of their face. It means your impact needs to be REAL. That’s what the word “virtual” means.
When you can do that, no one tunes you out. No one multi-tasks. They listen. They get it. They respect you. They’re inspired. They buy-in. And, if you’re really good, they admire you.
That takes some serious skills. They’re easy to learn.
When it comes to communicating effectively, even very capable people are operating at less than 10% of their potential. Bring out the other 90% of yourself. It’s there waiting for you. There’s nothing more thrilling. You’ll fly high.
Don’t listen to feedback that’s not helpful. The only feedback you should listen to is feedback that gets you excited and makes you feel your true power is being released.
Find a good source to work with. If you didn’t invent Jedi, you’ll need a Jedi Master to help you become Jedi. You won’t figure Jedi out on your own. Work with a Jedi Master and you’ll achieve extraordinary results so fast it’s exhilarating.
We’ve had many organizations have their folks do live group online training together. It’s crazy awesome fun. I’ve never seen groups have such a good time! Learn new skills together and support each other and keep the skills alive when the training is over.
Possibly the most important thing I learned is that ALWAYS is a good time to develop your skills. It’s always a good time. You are alive and have goals that matter to you today. Don’t back-burner your happiness.
You are important to the world. We need you. We need to hear your voice. We need you to win at the game of life. Whatever way you do it, gain the communication skills you need so life is not directing you, but you are causing it to go the way you know it should. We will all be happier because of it.
Be the cause!
1. FREE Webinar: Virtual Communication Skills for Engineers
April 28, 2020
11:00 – 12:30 PST
Click here for information and to register.
2. Live Group Webinars for Teams or Employees to Keep Morale High
Click here for information and to schedule.
3. One-on-one Virtual Coaching to Build Life-Changing Skills
Click here for information and to schedule.
Jesse, one of our clients, just sent me a video of his virtual presentation to VIP customers and senior execs after his coaching. It was SOOOO good, it blew me away. (Not just me, but his CEO and everyone else in the meeting.)
I was swept off my feet by how calm he is.
Jesse is dynamic and charismatic … and calm. It’s a powerful mix. The one adjective NEVER used to describe successful professionals in corporate America is CALM. And yet, that is the #1 barometer of real confidence.
He is looking right into the camera, his presence is STRONG and it feels like he’s talking right to you. He also makes you feel you’re the only person he’s talking to, and that really gets your attention.
He takes his sweet time and makes sure that the quality of his communication is extraordinary. He’s not trying to cram a whole lot of words into a short period of time (which always makes you look frantic).
His slides are in the background enhancing his presentation, but making a personal connection with you is his main focus.
Jesse has several key messages and takes his time getting them across, so you not only GET them, you’re impressed by them and you remember them.
The outstanding characteristics of his presentation are his comfort and clarity. He is completely comfortable and his presence is nice and strong. His pace is spot-on, he is extremely clear, and his slides now enhance that clarity.
And his great affinity and warmth for the people he’s talking to is evident in his tone, in all of his body language, facial expression and, especially, in his eyes.
All of Jesse’s effectiveness is entirely due to the fabulous connection he’s making by talking so directly to his audience, to you, via the camera. That is what is underlying all this other goodness.
It’s a rare kind of presentation. It’s personal. It’s real. It has personality. It creates rapport. It’s inspiring. You believe him. You want him in your life.
Jesse is normally very hard on himself. That’s all gone. This is what he emailed:
“My presentation was outstanding, even though it was virtual! It was one of my best presentations that I have ever made and I felt in the zone. As soon as it kicked off, I just felt comfortable and was able to flow with it. Your coaching prior to the session was career changing, literally. The CEO immediately sent me a note congratulating me and the head of Marketing sent a note to the execs in the company saying I “killed it!”... the Board member who founded the company also recognized what I did.”
Jesse ended his email by writing he feels like there’s still a lot for him to learn.
He’s right. There is.
But it's the difference between positive and negative gain. Negative gain is when the presenter is doing a lot of things that are negative. They detract from making a powerful impact. For example, experiencing anxiety, self-doubt, saying, “Uhm …”, being unable to connect with the audience, losing the audience’s interest, talking too fast, etc.
Jesse’s not doing that. He’s lost all the negatives and entered a new rank of presenters.
Positive gain is when you reach a new dimension of extraordinary communication and continue to build on the positives. You keep going higher and higher. This is where your communication becomes good enough for you to become a great world leader (or whatever your highest goal is).
You too can operate in this high class of presenters. As you achieve higher levels of ‘outstanding’ with your communication skills, your abilities develop into powers and you begin to feel you’re operating at your true potential. You’ve left the negatives behind. A worthy and exhilarating goal.
Helping others achieve this is our mission. It’s what we do here. So, consider this your direct invitation to join us in the upcoming Virtual Presentation Skill-Building Summit. I’ll open enrollment for this session on Friday, March 13, 2020. Feel free to contact us if you want me to put you on the list to pre-register.
Be the cause!
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