Coaching, Executive Presence
Ingrid Gudenas
How to draw-in an audience of 40,000

Alistair came to me for coaching because his evaluations were filled with words like “Dry”, “Dull”, and “Not inspiring”. They thought Alistair was a smart technical geek with no leadership ability. The “Loyalty” scores in his division hit the bottom.

It was very quickly clear to me that Alistair had tremendous leadership ability and was an exceptional strategist. He was tripping up on his ability to communicate, and so the outside world never saw it.

When you trip up on communication, you will trip up on leadership. They go hand in hand.

I coached Alistair on many skills. The continuing monthly evaluations from his All-Hands told us whether he was winning.

Coaching, Executive Presence
Ingrid Gudenas
Two skills you need to create human connection

Watching Arjun’s initial presentation, I could see he was rational, professional, very corporate. But it was not compelling. You might walk away liking Arjun, but not much moved or influenced by him.

Virtual presentations had always thrown Arjun off, especially with people that he didn’t work closely with and didn’t see that often.

We worked on many skills. I’m going to talk about two that really made a big difference. They both have to do with your state of mind.

Coaching, Executive Presence
Ingrid Gudenas
The VP Secret for preparing for critical ...

A well-loved and successful Vice President recently came to an in-person Causative Communications class we were delivering for their company to talk to the students about how she utilizes the skills she gained from our classes to create real success in her daily life and her career.

The students loved her talk. She was supposed to talk for about 20 minutes, but they were so enthralled it went on for about an hour and a half, with question after question, each followed by her giving them practical advice that inspired them. Their faces were glowing listening to her.

One question she was asked was, “How do you prepare for a challenging meeting or big presentation?” This was a particularly good question for her because she goes into many very difficult negotiations and conversations, as well as gives many important presentations. Her answer will surprise you … (read more)

Coaching, Presentations, Executive Presence
Ingrid Gudenas
How to transform your audience without ever ...

Tuesday was the first day of the Causative Communication course. Prasant had just learned about affinity and the difference it makes to communication. He learned that he actually needed to feel it if he wanted to be successful, and that finding something to like about the other person was the key to feeling it.

That sounded “great in theory”, but Prasant said it was “impossible” for him to find anything to like about Martin. However, Prasant knew only too well that what he was doing wasn’t working. He’d reached the point of being willing to try anything.

Coaching, Presentations, Executive Presence
Ingrid Gudenas
Communication coaching from my father

A number of years ago, my father called and told me he was going to be in San Francisco giving a talk. He said, “Let’s have dinner afterward!”  I was thrilled, and said I’d love to also see his talk. I’d never seen my father give a presentation. He was a trial attorney who won a lot of cases, including one in front of the Pennsylvania Supreme Court. I knew he did a lot of public speaking, but I’d only ever seen him be a father.

Following signs in the hotel lobby leading to his talk, I walked into the glittering ballroom in the Mark Hopkins, a grand 5-star hotel high atop ritzy Nob Hill, and found my father speaking … to hundreds of attorneys who packed the room to listen to him.

What?????? This was my father??????

negotiation

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How to negotiate anything

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Matthew: “I saw it work 40 times in a row.  It saved me endless hours.  I’ll never go back.”

Matthew negotiates contracts for a large general contracting construction company. I’ll give you an example of what that means. Matthew’s organization won a contract to build a very large, very beautiful, very modern new building for a prestigious university in California. It’s a big deal.

What Matthew’s organization does is hire all the people who are going to do the work:  the builders, the electricians, the plumbers, the landscape gardeners, everyone involved in construction. Matthew’s company oversees all of the work, and is held responsible for the ultimate success of the project.

Once they select all the people they’re going to hire to do the work, Matthew negotiates all the contracts with each of those individuals.

For this particular project, Matthew had to negotiate 40 contracts.

Negotiations are ferocious and ungiving, and there can be endless hours of wrangling spent over one clause.

After many hours of negotiating contracts, Matthew completed Causative Communication training a couple months ago.  He was thrilled by the difference in his negotiations after the class.

In the past, when the subcontractor would explain why he didn’t want to commit to a particular clause, Matthew wasn’t really listening to him. He had already heard it 30 other times. He already knew what they were going to say.  Matthew simply wasn’t interested in hearing it.  As a matter fact, he was slightly irritated having to listen to it over and over again.

But this time, Matthew changed. 

How I “negotiate” with expert negotiators

Alexander: “We’re trying not to like you.”

Me: “How’s that going for you?” (Laughing)

Alexander: “Not well. Why do we like you so much?” (Laughing)

Me: “Well, I like you!”

So, that sounds like the absolute silliest conversation you’ve ever heard, right? It gets even more absurd when I tell you that it was with three of the most highly trained, most highly skilled negotiators in a large global corporation that has over 100,000 people.

They put three top negotiators up against me. They heard that we don’t give discounts. Their Procurement Division found that utterly unacceptable because they always demand deep discounts. So they put three of their best people on the call to negotiate a discount with me.

They were serious, rough, tough, brutal, cold. I would describe them as even vicious. I didn’t know people could get so mean and demanding.

Then, 20 minutes into the call, the above conversation happened.

Negotiating with an enemy

Enemy

Jake’s usually successful negotiation strategy was failing…

There was a $4 billion deal on the table and at the rate things were going, Jake wasn’t going to see any of it.

Across the table from Jake was Ricardo. Currents of suspicion, distrust and mild hostility flowed between them. Then Ricardo said, “No,” blocked the deal, and it was over.

Jake showed up at my place to find out what he did wrong.  He wanted to learn how to negotiate with an enemy.

Jake’s problem was that he had incorrectly identified the enemy.  He thought it was Ricardo, a man Jake described as stubborn, old-school, narrow-minded and doesn’t know how to cut a deal.

Jake’s opinion of himself was much more flattering.  He saw himself as a visionary. He thought the problem was that Ricardo couldn’t deal with a visionary.  

The real problem is that Jake didn’t know how to make effective communication happen. He believed it depended on the other person, how open they are, their ability to understand, their ability to communicate, etc...

If you pin effective communication, and therefore your outcomes and therefore your life, on the other person’s ability to communicate, you’re going to be very unhappy.

Anytime you depend on the environment or other people to make something happen, you put your life in their hands. This is a strategy that will lead to disappointment a good percentage of the time.

Happiness requires that you sit in the Director’s Chair of your life.

In the Director’s Chair, you have the power to make things turn out so you’re truly satisfied, regardless of initial opposition, resistance or blindness.

Jake’s REAL enemy was thinking that because he’s been talking his whole life, he knows how to communicate.  As Jake discovered, he was wrong.

People often tell me communication “didn’t work.” What they’re really saying is what they think is communication didn’t work. Communication always works. You just have to know the formula (yes, there is a formula) for making it happen.

It’s not one skill, it’s a package of skills. And when you execute on this package of skills, you get understandings that automatically lead to agreement, commitment and action. If you’re not getting that, you’re not communicating.

After three days of coaching and watching the difference between his “before” and “after” videos, Jake could clearly identify what REAL communication is and what he’s been missing. More importantly, he knows how to make it happen.

Jake went back and in less than five minutes of talking with Ricardo, he got a completely different result. Ricardo was now on board. There was trust and credibility.

Ricardo was never the enemy.  Ignorance was. Once Jake dealt with THAT enemy, the obstacles vanished.

Being causative means being able to make what you want to happen. Ignorance of how to do that is the only enemy standing in your path.

Be the cause!

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