Yesterday morning I kicked-off a new Causative Communication Skill-Building Summit
with 10 extremely intelligent, competent professionals. They want to sharpen their communication skills because their lives are full of challenges.
One of them wants to redirect the marketing strategy for a product, another wants to get promoted, a couple of them need other teams to commit resources.
All of them have to deal with people who are stubborn, pressed for time and have their own priorities. All of them are experiencing push-back.
I start the Summit by role-playing the exact situations they want to handle. I want to see how they manage these situations with what they know. Each one of them got into a debate with me. None of them got the outcome they wanted.
I wasn’t being particularly difficult. They simply didn’t have the skills to handle me.
I realized any situation looks difficult if you don’t have the skills to handle it.
One the first things I coached all of them on was the skill of being in the moment and putting all of their attention on me, being very aware of me. In other words, the skill of getting totally rid of the “noise” in their heads.
I pointed out, and they realized, they were all mentally focusing on the outcome they wanted. In other words, they had more attention on the outcome they wanted than on me. That put them slightly into the future, not in the moment.
Concentrating their attention on the outcome also made them all look stressed and uncomfortable. When you look stressed, uncomfortable or tense, it makes the other person defensive.
As I showed them how to develop the skill of staying in the moment, and they became competent comfortably keeping their attention in the present and on me, their faces changed completely. They relaxed. Each one of them developed an executive presence that was very comfortable and powerful.
They said the same words that they had said the first time, but this time their meaning came across very differently. With no other skills except these, they were already persuasive.
Now they have a good foundation for building the other set of complex skills they need for tough situations. I’m looking forward to working with them again today.
How powerful is being in the moment?
I recently got two emails from people I coached referring just to this small skill set.
One of them has been looking for a job for eight months and had gotten increasingly frustrated and worried. She emailed me that she had two job interviews immediately after the training.
She had realized during the training that during her previous unsuccessful interviews she was concentrated primarily on the outcome she so desperately wanted. During the training she realized this was messing with her mind, and keeping her from being her irresistible best during the interview.
In these next two interviews, she made herself comfortable and kept her focus on staying in the moment and keeping her attention and awareness fully directed on the interviewer. I am sure she came across as competent, poised, and compelling. I am sure she came across as relaxed and wonderful to work with.
She heard back quickly and got job offers for both jobs, chose the best one and started her new job with a truly fabulous company on Monday.
Keep in mind, everyone I’m working with is doing all of these things virtually right now. With a camera instead of a real face. Now that’s a real skill.
The other person wrote me:
“I am on a stressful assignment that is focused on my organization’s response to COVID-19. I started my workday doing the ‘being there’ exercise. It gave me focus, better mental clarity, and calm.”
What a great way to be!
I’m writing this to remind you that being comfortable, really comfortable, being in the moment and directing your attention and awareness fully on the other person opens the door to magic.
It’s impossible to feel stressed, worried, anxious or self-conscious when you are comfortable, in the moment and your attention is fully on the other person.
Yes, it’s a skill. And it feels great.
Your life and work will change the moment you put this skill to work for you.
We have the tools to make it possible. You’re the one who has to take the first step.
Be the cause!