One of the foundational, skills students gain in the Causative Communication course is the ability to BE THERE COMFORTABLY. This sounds insignificant to the untrained ear. Yet, without this ability as a base, no other communication skills function.
This is illustrated by an email I received from one of our students, Mariela. Mariela has a “Lioness” boss who crushes the spirit and destroys the self-esteem of all.
Mariela emailed me this after the course:
“On Monday, which was a blizzard of mayhem, she made a nasty comment about a meeting as she was walking past my desk. I gave her a full acknowledgment. It made her stop, turn around and stand still. She was at a complete loss, stumbled a little bit, and had to regain her balance before she moved. She said, “Thank you.”
“On Tuesday at 7:00am we had customers coming at 9:00am. She was in a huge frenzy and started questioning me in a very accusative way. I was very direct (huge amount of intention) and asked her what was causing such mistrust on the details, and what was it that she needed to move from mistrusting me to trusting me?
“At first, she was trying to fix all of the accusations she was making with, ‘Oh I didn’t mean, and yes, I trust you …’ I acknowledged her and she stopped in her tracks and looked at me. She said what she needed and where she was confused. She actually admitted where she was confused. I told her I completely understood and that I was just the right person who could help.
“Wednesday she started sending me emails saying, ‘Thank you for everything these past crazy weeks!’ And when I see her now, she’s smiling at me.
“I wanted you to know what was the actual breakthrough for me. Before the course, I didn’t understand that I had to “BE THERE” fully first, and that everything else followed from that. I didn’t realize that when she was in front of me, in my mind I was running away.
“I stood at the charging lioness … I didn’t think.”
“I stood there Being.
“I listened.
“I spoke with intention.
“And everything about it said, ‘I Am Not Messing Around.’”
“For the first time, I was stably present. I was BEING THERE. And I was COMFORTABLE.”
“Everything fell into place. Including my affinity for her.”
Being there comfortably is the foundation for your presence, your affinity, your intention, how you listen and the ability to express very powerful acknowledgements. It sets the stage. It sets the tone. It sets you up to win.
Being “causative” means you don’t look to the situation or to the other person to make you comfortable. You cause your own comfort independent of the situation or the person. It’s a solid skill, and it gives you presence. Now that you are really being there, all of your other skills can bloom.
The wonderful thing about the Communication Formula that you learn in the Causative Communication Course, is that not only does it help you create an extraordinary outcome, and not only does it help you build exceptional relationships, it brings out the best in you … and the best in them as well.
When you have the best of both of you communicating, stand back and watch the magic.
Be the cause!