Three years ago, Bridget showed up for Causative Communication with five pages of notes she had taken during a performance review where her boss explained to her that she was, in his words, “a bad communicator”. Bridget had written it all down.
Bridget was honest and direct, you could say completely unfiltered. She had extremely good intentions, but she could rub people the wrong way and furiously antagonize them with her bluntness. She believed in telling the truth, she thought being “diplomatic” was not at all in her personality. Bridget could not figure out how to be a “good communicator” and still be herself and get things done.
Bridget was focused on getting to the outcome she needed and didn’t have time to be nice. She had a very tough job and she worked extremely long hours, literally from 6 am to 10 pm, not only because of what was happening in their industry, but in her area specifically. Long hours added to her being cranky. Bridget was good at her work, and brutal to her colleagues.
After the marathon criticism session with her boss, Bridget decided to take my class. When I asked what her goals were, she said she wanted to know how to communicate effectively with the “total idiots I work with”.
As I was teaching the concept of affinity, Bridget very bluntly told me she doesn’t have time for it. I told her that I understood, and with her busy schedule she certainly doesn’t have time to do anything additional that would add time. But I explained to her that affinity is not something you do in addition, it’s HOW you do what you’re ALREADY doing. It doesn’t take any time.
I talked about finding something you like about the people you’re working with. Bridget said, “There’s nothing.” I said, “Keep looking.”
Her homework after the 1st training session was to apply what she was learning to her life.
Bridget came back to the second session and said, “I tried it. I decided to do it all day with every person I talked to. I kept focusing on what I liked about them. The most amazing thing happened. They CHANGED. And I got MUCH better outcomes. And it was EASIER. At the end of the day, I felt completely energized instead of my usual drained and tired self. I can’t believe it! Affinity is THE most energizing energy I have ever experienced!”
Bridget was beaming, radiant, and suddenly unbelievably beautiful. You would have thought she had gotten a complete physical makeover including hair and makeup. She had changed nothing about her physical appearance and wore no makeup, but her entire physical appearance had completely changed into one of beauty.
Everyone in the class was completely blown away. Affinity had made her, as it does for everyone, unbelievably attractive.
In the next training session, Bridget learned about the power of REAL listening, one of my students calls it “deep listening”, along with the incredible power of genuinely good acknowledgments. Then Bridget learned the FULL Communication Formula and practiced putting it all together and doing all of itdoing all of it over and over againover and over again until it was completely natural and she could execute on it beautifully. Bridget said she really appreciated the opportunity to practice so many times with a good coach and a supportive class of other students who were also practicing.
Bridget was smiling and happy at the end of the class, and I sent her off into the wild blue yonder knowing she had a whole new set of skills to help her navigate.
Now, three years later, I had tears in my eyes as I read an email from Bridget that came from out of the blue. It started with, “I don’t know if you’ll remember me, I did the class about three years ago.” I instantly knew who she was. She wrote,
“An email thanks to you and your team is long overdue! I can’t begin to tell you how impactful the class has been for me. I am daily hearing your voice in my mind and using what I learned. It works like a charm! Here’s my deep gratitude and Acknowledgement!”
Despite what you may have been told, success is not a goal you pursue directly. Success is the natural byproduct of becoming a master of communication.
Bridget didn’t know that when she started the class, but she certainly knows it now.
Be the cause!