I’m working with Ann, a beautiful new Senior Vice President responsible for leading 20,000 people. You would think that with this much success, she would feel good about herself.
And she does … much of the time.
But show her a video of herself, and she cringes.
She is far from alone.
I hear the words, “I hate to watch myself on video” many times each week. From all levels of professionals and executives. It attacks everyone equally.
There have been many times in our planet’s history, some not so distant, when people held their heads high with pride, free of self-consciousness, filled with inner feelings of self-worth.
Society has changed. (One day I’ll write about why this is.) And many people today are filled with excessive self-consciousness. They very simply forgot how to like themselves.
This brings us back to Ann …
Regardless of her competence, notwithstanding her great success, when many eyes are on her, when she’s being recorded, she’s overwhelmed by self-doubt. The anxiety starts weeks before, at the event she talks too fast, her eyes dart around, you don’t really get what she’s saying, and she can’t wait for it to be over. She hates watching the video. No amount of reassurance prevents the next attack.
I’ve written much about the importance of your affinity for others and the power of your affinity for your audience.
Big news: Your affinity for yourself has a big impact on how well you communicate.
It’s not what you’re intellectually thinking about yourself. It’s not your “logical assessment of your strengths”. It’s not “what’s in your head.”
It’s a feeling.
We like whatever gives us pleasure. That’s a feeling.
When you see yourself on video, what’s the feeling you get?
It’s a very simple: Do you like yourself?
It’s a worthy goal and you can take a look for yourself and see if it’s one you want to achieve. Your videos shine the light on this path and help you chart your route forward.
If you hate seeing yourself on video, you’re at the very beginning of the journey. Keep moving. Do the work of eliminating the things you don’t like, wake up and build up all those massive abilities sleeping within you, and you’ll get there.
When you hit that elevated dimension where, when you watch yourself on video, you really like what you’re seeing, when you’re swept away with the enjoyment of seeing yourself, then you have conquered the greatest obstacle between you and your audience.
As I work with Ann, I know it will happen because I see it happen all the time.
Gradually, gradually over a couple hours, she will become comfortable, she will gain control. She will master her own presence, her ability to pervade her audience’s universe with her own essence, her ideas. Her ability to create understanding, appreciation and admiration will blossom.
There will come a point where she admires herself.
It’s a moment of very quiet, but deep, self-satisfaction. It’s a solid experience and certainty of who she is and of her ability to express it beautifully. She will experience freedom from all that crippling self-doubt. She will spread her wings and fly.
She will be smiling as the video plays. Quietly enjoying the moment. Seeing her true self create real communication. Not the usual, undistinguished corporate endless talking, talking, talking.
But the real deal, solid 24-karat gold, communication.
The world is starved for it. They’ve been fed junk food much too long. They are most certainly ready for the real deal.
Many people are waiting for the power of you to emerge. End the wait. Start with great affinity for yourself and the world will respond.
If you want help, that is available. It’s what we do.
But no one can give you permission to do this. That has to come from you.
Are you ready?
Be the cause!