Just as I was signing off late Friday, a final email pinged into my inbox. I ended my week grinning hugely after I read it, replied and logged off. So much joy.
Daniel had been in my virtual Mastering Virtual Presentations workshop a couple weeks earlier. He was in a new role with global responsibilities. For the first time he was required to meet with, present to, and persuade a fast-paced, high-powered senior leadership level.
Daniel was stressed by the intense pressure of visibility in a high-voltage world. He was feeling out of his league and, for the first time in his life, he was feeling nervous.
When he presented, he was in a room with very accomplished people and felt a very strong need to impress them. That was his purpose for the workshop: learn how to impress them.
What Daniel ran into is what all human beings run into: the more you try to impress others, the more you move away from your true self. You get tangled up in knots. The more you do it, the less impressive you become.
People are not impressed by someone who is trying to impress them. It’s a road that leads to anxiety and defeat.
The problem was that Daniel didn’t know how to be himself in this room of high-powered individuals.
There are many wrong purposes for communication. I call them wrong because they all lead nowhere. Possibly even to a fight or argument.
The purpose “To impress” is in the Wrong Top Ten.
There’s only ONE good purpose for communication. And that is to be understood.
The power of understanding is greatly underrated. And, in most people, the ability to be understood is greatly under-developed.
Not being understood quickly leads to frustration, and that frustration quickly leads to nervousness. Eventually, you end up with all kinds of unusual solutions and undesirable emotions, feelings and outcomes.
As he presented, Daniel was trying so hard to impress these senior executives, it was difficult to get him to focus on simply being understood. He kept wanting to go beyond that. But that is pointless. Until you are fully understood, you can’t go beyond it.
Over the course of two days, Daniel changed completely. Not his core personality. That got stronger and more powerful. But his ability to express himself and convey what was inside him changed dramatically.
As he gained the ability to be understood, his confidence grew and the feedback he received from the others in the workshop became spectacular, building his confidence even more.
By the end of the workshop, Daniel wasn’t trying to impress anyone. He let go of that that useless goal, he was making everyone understand. And that, in and of itself, was impressive.
By the end of the workshop, Daniel was getting applause.
Daniel is ready to make himself heard in that room filled with high-powered leaders.
And that’s what he wrote about in his email that burst forth in my computer inbox late Friday afternoon with the tremendous joy of good news.
Daniel wrote:
I just presented my team’s FY22 plan to my VP. It went very well! I applied all the learnings such as one that I think I’ll have in my mind forever! You told me:
”You’re not trying to impress them, your goal is for them to understand what you want to say …”
This resonated so well in me, that it was my guiding principle, along with making sure that she understood what I needed her to understand. All went really well, I made it clear.
And my VP actually said: “I love the work you’ve done, you have a great story here.”
Daniel is floating on air with the great joy of being understood. The best part is knowing he can do it again. Anytime. Anywhere.
That, my friends, is true power.
And a really great way to end the week.
Be the cause!