Photo: @frankstelges
I have a special fondness for writing before dawn, as dark turns to light. This week it’s felt more powerful. This is the big pivot point of the year, the winter solstice. We’ve journeyed into the shortest, darkest day. And now each new dawn will gradually return us to light and warmth.
The complete dark of my pre-dawn morning is lit by the many colorful lights of my Christmas tree. This Noble Fir puts out a heady scent that makes me feel I am in a forest. A night forest lit by magical lights.
Before I write, I sit still and look out at the lights across the dark Bay. No thoughts, pure awareness. I tune into the world, specifically the world that you and I share. I tune in planet-wide and am simply aware. Inspiration comes to me and I start writing.
This morning was completely different. I sat still. Tuned in. And burst into tears. Not sadness. Overpowering realization about our world.
Our world is one I know something about. I’ve been delivering programs internationally for over 20 years.
I’ve answered questions and had discussions about “cultural differences” with people in 43 countries on every populated continent. They’re all interested in this.
The discussions always revolve around differences, not similarities.
Not one person has ever asked me about the similarities.
Think about that for a moment.
My overpowering realization was that we were missing something big, important. And I was suddenly stunned not by our differences, but by the magnitude of our similarities.
Our cultural differences are small. They mainly have to do with manners and politeness. They seem huge when we run into them, but they are pale and small compared to our similarities.
We are all part of something called humanity. Our similarities (when we find them) empower us to create a bridge to crossover and reach each other.
The similarities aren’t trivial. They’re the big, personal motivations in our lives. The things that matter. The hopes fulfilled that give our lives meaning.
Here are but a few I have found in people everywhere:
We have a powerful need to be understood
When someone understands us, we experience a beautiful feeling of relief and gratitude
When we fully understand another person, we feel closer to them, it swiftly brings us
closer to each other
When someone has affinity for us, it makes us feel respected, safe, valuable, important, it brings out the best in us
A day filled with affinity is a good day
Miscommunication is frustrating for all of us
We’re always looking for any way, for anything that will help us be better understood
The more people we’re able to communicate successfully with, the richer our lives are
When someone reaches out to us with kindness, we cherish it
We are capable of great love and when we have it, we like it a lot
No one has enough
I could go on. I have no doubt you could help complete this list. You know what’s important. Could this list ever be complete? I can think of hundreds more similarities.
We love to laugh. That’s an important one.
These are universal. No borders. We share them with everyone. That young boy in a yurt in Mongolia, that executive on the phone in London, that person you’ll be talking to today.
The magic of online technology has opened up a whole new world for me and my organization. We are reaching people more people and more countries than ever.
There’s a feeling that I always have at the end of my workshops and coaching sessions. As I look at my students’ faces, and they are radiant with joy, pride, affinity for me and for each other, I feel a closeness that I know they feel also, like we are right here together, inches away from each other, even though they may be 19 time zones away.
None of us wants the session to end because we’re enjoying the companionship, the understanding, we’ve all helped each other, we brought ourselves and each other to a new place, a new understanding, a new ability, a new level of humanity. The feeling is extraordinary.
Later, when I get an email from one of them, my heart accelerates seeing their name in my inbox. It’s a “forever” relationship of helping, caring and understanding.
The overpowering realization I had this morning is that this, communication, is what ties us together.
We share an overpowering human urge. It doesn’t matter where we are in the world, we want to be understood. We want to understand.
When I realized the power and simplicity of this, and what it means, what it truly means, I burst into tears.
I must say, as humanity, as badly as we all want this, we don’t know how.
And that’s why I love what I do. I help bring the how into people’s lives.
And when my students know how, they can communicate successfully with anyone, across any divide, any cultural barrier, disagreement, difference, and they can create understanding and that really good feeling.
When we can all do that, we can accomplish a goal that we have as humanity: to communicate successfully with each other, to understand and be understood. To have that really good feeling about each other.
From there, all things are possible. We have it within our power to turn this whole planet from dark to light.
Let’s bring this down into your world. How does all this help you communicate?
If you’d like to see a truly magical outcome, try this little experiment and see what happens. Pick someone in your life that you’ll be talking to over these next couple of weeks, whether it’s your weird uncle, your boss or a colleague across the ocean. Find as many similarities between the two of you as you can. Look for similarities you share on the surface. Look for ones that are deeper. Then start the conversation by talking about the similarities you share. See where the conversation goes. It will go to a new place.
If you need help transforming the relationships in your life, whether at home or at work, then get the coaching we offer to move you through the steps towards mastery. It doesn’t take long and it’s life-changing.
Also, I’ve announced a very special free workshop I’ll be delivering in January so you can start off the New Year filled with confidence you can create the beautiful future you want. Here’s the link if you want to awaken this sleeping power.
Be the cause!