How to lead the invisible

Leader is not a title. You can’t get promoted into it.  And you can’t get demoted out of it.

Nelson Mandela was a great leader even when he was in jail.

I’m coaching many leaders, and many individuals with high potential for leadership.  As I watch them change, it’s clear that communication skill marks a leader.

Yes, you have to have good ideas.  But lead means cause to follow.  And people don’t follow good ideas poorly communicated.

For example, I’m coaching Steve, a new SVP of a major corporation.  Steve’s first day on the job was the first day his organization sheltered from home.  So he’s met no one in person. It’s all virtual.

Steve’s predecessor had been in the role many years and was well loved.  But the organization had gone stale. They were seriously falling behind others in their industry.  

Steve was hired to create breakthroughs. Not incremental change.  Breakthroughs.

Steve was very successful as a technical leader in another major, but smaller, high tech corporation. He had risen through the ranks and proven himself, both as a technical leader and as someone people could talk to, as trustworthy.

The problem was, it took years to warm up to him.  Mainly because his communication skills were those of someone who is, as he calls himself, a technical guy.  It’s one of the first things he told me, “I’m a technical guy.”

It was his way of saying, “I haven’t worried about my communication skills.”

Over time you learn that he is a GREAT technical guy who actually SHOULD lead because he has GREAT ideas, but it’s not something you see right away.

About a month after he started, the CEO asked Steve to present his strategy for the organization to the thousands who would be watching him virtually.

The reviews he received after this presentation were lukewarm.

Steve was the new leader of an organization that was uninspired, and even skeptical, about following him.  He desperately needed a breakthrough in their trust of, and enthusiasm for, his leadership to innovation.

Let me repeat this:  Steve has GREAT ideas.  But he did not get them across to the thousands of people watching him.

I watched him change as I coached him. 

I never coached him on the words he was using.  His words were fine.  I coached him on the RELATIONSHIP he built with his audience. 

Now, keep in mind, this was all VIRTUAL!  So this is an audience Steve has NEVER SEEN.  And it’s a LARGE audience.

I coached him on creating a strong CONNECTION with the audience and a powerful RAPPORT with them. 

Also on HOW to make eye contact with a virtual audience.  Everyone “knows” eye contact is important – but there are 1,000 different KINDS of eye contact.  You have to make the ONE kind that really matters.

And I coached him on how to make everyone feel like he was right there WITH them – in the SAME room – and feel like, “He is talking to me.” 

Steve just sent me the video of his most recent presentation.  He looks like a completely different person.  It’s powerful and compelling. 

The feedback Steve received on this last presentation was dramatically different from the first one.  Emails are flying through the organization by managers who had planned to work on their emails while listening to Steve’s presentation and they found it AMAZING (their words) – they were incapable of multi-tasking – they were riveted to watching and listening to him.

And (this is so politically incorrect), he looks really handsome in this one (don’t worry, he’s very happily married).  I just find the people I coach look more handsome and more beautiful when they become GREAT communicators. 

In short, Steve is now coming across as a LEADER.  It wouldn’t matter where you put him in the organization.  People will follow.

Great ideas + great communication skill = you’re effective.

Build the relationship with your audience.  Communicate exceptionally well. 

For decades, I have been on a mission to take will-be leaders like Steve and help them acquire the skills to fully step into that leadership position.

You’ll see the list of offerings below this message that we use to do that. If you see something that resonates with you, choose it.

Just remember this:

It doesn’t matter what your position is. If you learn to lead, others will follow. And when they do, you’ll KNOW you have just put yourself in a position to create powerful change.

Be the cause!

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The power of choice and what I predict is going to happen

It was a beautiful early Spring day in March, mid-afternoon, my assistant and I were in the office, heads together working on my schedule for the rest of the month. Out of the corner of my eye, as I glanced at my computer, I noticed an unnrgent email saying that beginning at midnight we all had to work from home.

My staff and I mobilized quickly.  Within three hours we had a plan and a new life.

For over 30 years we have delivered training and coaching largely in person, only very occasionally and sporadically delivering online webinars.

What we did that week and in the last two months is build a brand new business entirely from scratch overnight. Online training and coaching.

In less than two months about 500 people have completed our training programs, way more than we ever reached in person given that amount of time.  We’ve added over 20 corporations newly to our list.  The success stories and the wins flooding my inbox completely blow me away.

But this blog isn’t about that.  It’s about our country and even the world.

The word crisis is older than our civilization and many others civilizations that came before us.

Following its trail to present time …. by the 1400’s crisis had come to mean a decisive point in the progress of a disease.  But it also meant a vitally important or decisive state of things, point at which change must come, for better or worse.

It arrived in English by way of Latin, which acquired it from the even earlier Greek word krisis which meant turning point in a disease, that change which indicates recovery or death. 

It also meant judgment, the result of a trial, selection and had arisen from the even earlier word krinein which meant to separate, decide, judge.

The actual root of it all was a spoken word that earliest humanity was using before they could even write or draw on cave walls.  This was the word krei which meant to discriminate, distinguish.

Distinguish means the ability to see the difference.  Often between the false and the true.  Between what’s right and what isn’t.

In short, crisis is that vitally important, critically decisive turning point where recovery happens.  Or doesn’t.

When it comes to the recovery, or even renaissance, of a society, it depends on our ability to distinguish the false from the true.  To judge.  To decide.  And make choices.

I’m watching the politics of the situation, and especially the politicians, very closely. On a local, state, country and international level.

Usually words, words and more words obscure their actions, many of which are hidden from our view.

Today their actions have no cover, you can see them clearly.

This creates a turning point.

I think our world will respond the way one of my neighbors did. This is what she chose. She put a little red bucket outside by the street with a note that said if you give her rocks, she will paint rainbows on them for you.

Neighbors have been pouring rocks in on her daily.  You see her results in the photo at the top of the article.  Throughout the neighborhood you can see these rocks sitting prettily on mailboxes.

The politicians right now are not giving us choices.  How we deal with that is a choice.  A big one.

I believe we have been given rocks. What we do with them is our choice.

I believe in all of our ability to transform society’s current reality into something beautiful.

It’s something we have to do well as individuals. Only then can we come together as a group.

I believe we can.  I believe we will.

Be the cause!

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Unlocking the door to the moment

Yesterday morning I kicked-off a new Causative Communication Skill-Building Summit

with 10 extremely intelligent, competent professionals. They want to sharpen their communication skills because their lives are full of challenges.

One of them wants to redirect the marketing strategy for a product, another wants to get promoted, a couple of them need other teams to commit resources.  

All of them have to deal with people who are stubborn, pressed for time and have their own priorities.  All of them are experiencing push-back.

I start the Summit by role-playing the exact situations they want to handle.  I want to see how they manage these situations with what they know. Each one of them got into a debate with me.  None of them got the outcome they wanted.  

I wasn’t being particularly difficult.  They simply didn’t have the skills to handle me.

I realized any situation looks difficult if you don’t have the skills to handle it. 

One the first things I coached all of them on was the skill of being in the moment and putting all of their attention on me, being very aware of me.  In other words, the skill of getting totally rid of the “noise” in their heads.

I pointed out, and they realized, they were all mentally focusing on the outcome they wanted. In other words, they had more attention on the outcome they wanted than on me.  That put them slightly into the future, not in the moment.

Concentrating their attention on the outcome also made them all look stressed and uncomfortable.  When you look stressed, uncomfortable or tense, it makes the other person defensive.

As I showed them how to develop the skill of staying in the moment, and they became competent comfortably keeping their attention in the present and on me, their faces changed completely.  They relaxed.  Each one of them developed an executive presence that was very comfortable and powerful.

They said the same words that they had said the first time, but this time their meaning came across very differently. With no other skills except these, they were already persuasive.

Now they have a good foundation for building the other set of complex skills they need for tough situations.  I’m looking forward to working with them again today.

How powerful is being in the moment?

I recently got two emails from people I coached referring just to this small skill set.

One of them has been looking for a job for eight months and had gotten increasingly frustrated and worried. She emailed me that she had two job interviews immediately after the training.

She had realized during the training that during her previous unsuccessful interviews she was concentrated primarily on the outcome she so desperately wanted.  During the training she realized this was messing with her mind, and keeping her from being her irresistible best during the interview.

In these next two interviews, she made herself comfortable and kept her focus on staying in the moment and keeping her attention and awareness fully directed on the interviewer. I am sure she came across as competent, poised, and compelling.  I am sure she came across as relaxed and wonderful to work with. 

She heard back quickly and got job offers for both jobs, chose the best one and started her new job with a truly fabulous company on Monday. 

Keep in mind, everyone I’m working with is doing all of these things virtually right now. With a camera instead of a real face.  Now that’s a real skill.

The other person wrote me:

“I am on a stressful assignment that is focused on my organization’s response to COVID-19. I started my workday doing the ‘being there’ exercise. It gave me focus, better mental clarity, and calm.”

What a great way to be!

I’m writing this to remind you that being comfortable, really comfortable, being in the moment and directing your attention and awareness fully on the other person opens the door to magic.

It’s impossible to feel stressed, worried, anxious or self-conscious when you are comfortable, in the moment and your attention is fully on the other person.

Yes, it’s a skill. And it feels great.

Your life and work will change the moment you put this skill to work for you.

We have the tools to make it possible.  You’re the one who has to take the first step.

Be the cause!

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A Leader Alone in The Room

I’ve had an exhilarating five weeks. Delivering live online training has proved to be thrilling, for me, for my team, for everyone attending. What people are writing on their evaluations is profound, some of it even makes me cry, and I wake up each morning to an inbox flooded with wins and successes from all over the country, and even the world.

We’ve trained hundreds of people, WAY more than we would’ve ever reached in person in five weeks. The live online training has been so successful, we have corporate clients now booking them for their organizations into October already.

Just as an example, this was from a 6-hour coaching summit with 5 leaders. This is after the first day, applying their “homework” and what they reported back the morning of the second day after only three hours of coaching:

• After a virtual meeting with senior executives, a number of them texted this VP that she was highly effective, straightforward and sincere – they were blown away. She said she was comfortable presenting to them for the first time.

• A VP has a direct report who, for the past year and a half, didn’t respect her the way she’d respected the VP’s predecessor that she’d worked for for many years. The afternoon of the Summit they had an hour-long conversation. It was the first time the VP felt she received the same high level of respect this person had given her predecessor, and it felt great.

• A Director scheduled a virtual meeting with a person she was struggling with. She had talked with her the day previous to the Summit. The conversation ended badly after going around in circles for 2 hours. The afternoon after the coaching she created a completely different virtual conversation and said the relationship “completely changed for the better. We built solid trust for the first time.” It happened in less than 5 minutes.

Our large group live webinars have also resulted in tremendous wins, but what I want to talk about today a particular observation I’ve made coaching leaders. What do they run into after they gain the skills?

It’s the communication skills of the people around you.

You don’t want to be alone in the room.

Communication skills are not something that only one leader should have. For an organization to do well, every leader needs them.

But even that is not good enough. It’s not good enough for only the leaders to have outstanding communication skills.

If only the leaders have outstanding communication skills, they will be continuously frustrated. I know because I’ve been contacted by MANY continuously frustrated leaders wanting help.

It’s when everyone in the organization has outstanding communication skills that frustration with each other ceases and a high-performance team goes to work.

It doesn’t matter if the team is 10 people, 10,000 or more. Here’s an example from a VP talking about what happened when all the senior leaders in his organization gained real communication skills:

“The following Monday I saw a change. The tone of our meetings changed. For the first time it was a meeting where respect for each other enabled us to make terrific progress on the task.”

Causative communication skills are crazy powerful on an individual level. You can see that from the wins above.

When it’s on a team level, it’s the best team you’ve ever worked on.

When it’s on an organizational level, you, your team, and your organization are invincible.

So, if you’re a leader reading this…

The question is:

Are you alone in the room?

How great do you want your team to be? Because while greatness is directed by leaders, it is executed by everyone below them.

Here’s the good news about building up everyone around you:

As people learn how to communicate and see they can achieve great results, they start taking more and more responsibility for helping others win. They stop being so threatened about their own survival and they start really assisting the world around them.

You can be the cause of your own success. You can be the cause of your team’s success. You can even be the cause of your organization success.

Ensure your communication skills are up to the job. And then ensure everyone else’s are also.

If you want more information about our current online offerings for groups, please reply to this email and let me know.

Be the cause!

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Virtual is REAL

I woke up this morning to an email from a recent student.  She just got promoted and could not be more excited.  She’s a Millennial.  It’s her first promotion.  She’s flying high.  Another student was promoted to SVP of a major Silicon Valley multinational corporation.  Someone took a screen shot of the joy in her face when she was told the news during a virtual staff meeting and this beautiful photo has been shared a thousand times.

My inbox is full of good news.  Some days I can’t even keep up with it.

I’ve been wanting to create online training for years.  My staff will tell you it’s been on my “goals for the year” for a loooong time.  I never had the time.  We were always so swamped with in-person clients, there wasn’t a moment to sit down and design training for a whole new medium.

And then “now” happened.  When I pulled the staff together and asked them what they thought about the situation, they didn’t even have to think.  They said, “Great opportunity to do what we’ve been wanting to do for years.”

And so we are. 

In the last several weeks we’ve built an online business overnight.  Everyone working overtime.  It’s going better than even we expected.

We’ve been overwhelmed by the client demand for this training.  It turns out we have people all over the country and the world who have been wanting to do our services, but weren’t able to travel or have us come there. 

We’ve trained hundreds of people in the last several weeks, WAY more than we were ever able to do in person, and the wins are pouring into my inbox more than ever.  I was delighted to discover that the amazing wins our clients have always had working with us in person also happen when they work with us virtually.  I can’t tell you how relieved I am!  I was worried the client wins would be less.  Not so!  Whew!

We were able to offer free webinars for several weeks.  But we’re now being asked to do so many sessions for individual corporations, we simply don’t have time to continue them at the moment. 

There’s one exception.  A number of organizations asked me to put something together specifically for engineers.  We have so many of them around us.  So you’ll see a free webinar just for them below (or for you if you are one!).

I’ve learned so much in the last several weeks.  Some I already knew, but it really came home to me seeing so many people win in such a short period of time:

When you have the ability to engage any audience or any individual and create a powerful impact when you’re virtual, there’s no one in the world you can’t reach. 

Despite what most people think, the word virtual does NOT mean, “Not there.” It means, “MAKE IT REAL.” The word virtual literally means, “Having the power of being real.” Even though it’s not actual, it is AS POWERFUL as if it were real.

That means your virtual presence should be as strong, powerful and real as if you were in the same room. It means your communication should be as strong, powerful and real as if you were right in front of their face. It means your impact needs to be REAL. That’s what the word “virtual” means.

When you can do that, no one tunes you out. No one multi-tasks. They listen. They get it. They respect you. They’re inspired. They buy-in. And, if you’re really good, they admire you.

That takes some serious skills.  They’re easy to learn. 

When it comes to communicating effectively, even very capable people are operating at less than 10% of their potential.  Bring out the other 90% of yourself.  It’s there waiting for you.  There’s nothing more thrilling.  You’ll fly high.

Don’t listen to feedback that’s not helpful. The only feedback you should listen to is feedback that gets you excited and makes you feel your true power is being released.

Find a good source to work with.  If you didn’t invent Jedi, you’ll need a Jedi Master to help you become Jedi.  You won’t figure Jedi out on your own.  Work with a Jedi Master and you’ll achieve extraordinary results so fast it’s exhilarating.

We’ve had many organizations have their folks do live group online training together.  It’s crazy awesome fun.  I’ve never seen groups have such a good time!  Learn new skills together and support each other and keep the skills alive when the training is over.

Possibly the most important thing I learned is that ALWAYS is a good time to develop your skills.  It’s always a good time.  You are alive and have goals that matter to you today.  Don’t back-burner your happiness.    

You are important to the world.  We need you.  We need to hear your voice.  We need you to win at the game of life.  Whatever way you do it, gain the communication skills you need so life is not directing you, but you are causing it to go the way you know it should.  We will all be happier because of it.

Be the cause!

Upcoming Online Services

NOTE:  Please check with your company’s Learning & Development department to see if our programs are in their catalogue.  If they are, that’s the best way for you to sign up.  The free webinar for engineers is not in catalogues yet.

1.       FREE Webinar: Virtual Communication Skills for Engineers

April 28, 2020

11:00 – 12:30 PST

Click here for information and to register.

2.      Live Group Webinars for Teams or Employees to Keep Morale High

Click here for information and to schedule.

3.      One-on-one Virtual Coaching to Build Life-Changing Skills

Click here for information and to schedule.

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7 minutes on the road to mastery

I was blown away by how many hundreds of people attended our webinars in the last several weeks. My email is flooded with success stories and I’m delighted so many people found them valuable.

Every single volunteer I coached made an almost unbelievable improvement. And, remarkably, each one only received an average of seven minutes of coaching from me. 

After learning and practicing several key skills, each volunteer was overwhelmed with genuine admiration from the many others in the webinar, probably more positive feedback from more people in an hour and a half than they’ve gotten in the last two years.

This is why:

• Most people are operating at less than 10% of their potential.  I know they’re capable of much, much more and how to bring it out fast.

• People learn incredibly fast when they’re given good, solid, true principles that work every time. Most of the time they’re stumbling in the dark trying to figure things out, they don’t have a good source that can tell them, and even more important, show them how communication really works and what it takes to make their own communication powerful. They’re missing data. Once they know, the change is immediate and they start winning.

• People have blind spots.  They don’t know what they’re doing wrong.  They don’t know why what they’re doing isn’t working. They can’t see it.

• People are given terrible feedback. The quality of feedback they’ve gotten is awful. It’s not helpful. When they’re given powerfully correct feedback in the form of laser-precise accurate coaching tailored precisely to them, they’re capable of dramatic improvement in split seconds.  I very rarely meet anyone who’s had an expert communication coach work directly with them directly.

• They’re not given the opportunity to practice enough times with a coach who very rapidly guides them around their blind spots to true mastery. If they’re given this, they’re capable of extraordinary things so fast it leaves you breathless.

The comments that I got over and over and over again in the past couple of weeks is that no one‘s ever seen coaching like what they saw in these webinars. I believe them.

Even the people who didn’t receive the coaching were blown away by how much they learned.  My chat was LOADED with people telling me how helpful it was.

And I got emails from many participants the next day saying they were applying what they learned and seeing a BIG difference.

I believe so many hundreds of people are signing up for our online services for two reasons:

People really want to get better.  They want to be causative and powerful.  They hate feeling like they’re coming up short.  They want to be the best. 

It’s hard for many of them to come to Emeryville, CA where we’re located, and now that we have the time to offer so many services online, they’re grabbing this opportunity.  My incredible team and I are usually swamped with in-person workshops and clients.  Now people all over the world have easy access to us.

It’s made me realize how much the world needs a path to mastery.

How do you make the journey to become a world-class causative communicator?

1. You have to learn what you don’t know.

2. You have to learn the right way to do it and why it’s right, not just what to do but the principles behind it.  It’s best if someone SHOWS you, both modeling/demonstrating it for you and showing and guiding you to do it yourself.

3. You have to perfect the many skills it takes.

Even step #1 is powerful, as our webinars have been demonstrating.

How fast you achieve true mastery depends on the source of learning you choose.

If you find someone who’s already expert and a great teacher and coach, you’ll learn fast.

If you’re spending a lot of time on Google, YouTube and Ted talks, it will take you a lot longer. 

I believe people are capable of so much more than what they’re currently doing, I don’t want to see them take a long time to discover the power within.

I’m in the process of creating an online path to mastery because I see how badly the world who can’t come to our office wants this.  Based on the results I’ve seen in the last several weeks, what I and my team have built so far is exceedingly powerful.

If you work for a corporation, please check with your Learning & Development department to see if our programs are already in their catalogue as that will be the best way for you to sign up.

We have one more free webinar on Building the Foundation for Causative Communications that I’ll be delivering April 14. Everyone says this webinar is eye-opening and many say it’s life-changing.  It starts you on the path to #1 above:  learning what you don’t know.

If you’re ready to do the work to develop powerful communication skills that less than 10% of the world has, I have an online 6-hour intense skill-building session scheduled for April 15-16. I limit the size of the group so I can personally coach you.  If 7 minutes of coaching can create such dramatic change, imagine your life after 6 hours of intense instruction and coaching. Right now I’m offering it to you with a significant 70% discount. It’s normally $997 but with this promo code it will only be $495 (it’s a special for you during this time).  This summit puts you firmly on the path to #2 and #3 above to perfect the many skills it takes to achieve mastery.

April 23 I have a paid 90-minute webinar on Mastering Virtual Presentation Skills that will enable you to have a very strong presence and be compelling in all your virtual presentations.   

We are also being asked to deliver online training and coaching sessions for corporations and groups and we’re happy to talk to you about scheduling one of those if you would like a session just for your group.

And senior executives and people who are preparing for big presentations have been requesting virtual one-on-one coaching, so we have that also.

There is a path to mastery. I know it because I traveled it myself. I’m like the Sherpa that’s gone up and down the mountain many times and knows how to get you to the top. I personally think that’s where you belong.

Whatever path you choose, I encouraged you to be relentless in your pursuit of your own excellence. It’s there waiting for you to discover it.  And there’s nothing more exhilarating than finding it.

Be the cause!

Upcoming Online Services

1.      FREE Webinar:  Building a Foundation for Causative Communications

April 14, 2020

11:00 AM – 12:30 PM PST

Click here for information and to register.

2.      Webinar:  Mastering Virtual Presentations

April 23, 2020

11:00 AM – 1 PM PST

Click here for information and to register.

4.   Causative Communications Skill-Building Summit: 6 hours intensive skill building over the course of 2 days

April 15 – 16, 2020

9:30 AM – 12:30 PM PST each day

Link for information and to register

5.      Live Group Webinars for Teams or Employees to Keep Morale High

Click here for information and to schedule.

6.      One-on-one Virtual Coaching to Build Life-Changing Skills

Click here for information and to schedule.

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Confronting the CHOICE

One of my clients, Sharma, is a lower level manager in a huge organization with over 50,000 employees.  She has only 17 people reporting to her and many levels between her and the top.  She wanted to introduce a completely new company-wide initiative that would impact over 20,000 employees. 

This would have seemed impossible to most people.  The sheer number of people she needed to get on board, and the fact that she needed the SVP many levels above her to sign off on it would have stopped the average person from even trying.  The challenge of just getting everyone’s attention in this crazy busy high-tech organization would have discouraged the average person.

Everything surrounding her said, “No way.”

Being causative means making what you want happen.  It means being able to cause the outcome you want at will. 

When you are causative, it doesn’t matter what the environment around you is doing, you are the source and the cause of what happens.  You are able to cause what you want.

The environment could be your boss, co-workers, your family, or the pandemic. It’s anything outside of yourself. When you are causative, you can stay causative no matter what is happening.

Instead of relying on the environment, you’re able to rely on yourself to make what you want come true.

The catch is that it takes skills to be able to accomplish this. Not just knowledge… SKILLS.

The difference between knowledge and skills is that knowledge is in your head, skills are what you are able to DO. This varies greatly from person to person.

You could have knowledge in your head and know what you’re supposed to do.  For example, you know you’re supposed to speak up, or you know you’re supposed to give a great presentation, or have confidence, or you know you’re supposed to get them to buy-in, give you budget or a promotion, to cooperate or do what you’re asking.

Skills are when you can actually do it.

Highly skilled is when you do it extremely well, even in adverse conditions (like if the other person isn’t listening, they strongly disagree, they’re not interested or they’re way higher than you in the organization).

Mastery is when you can do it even when most people can’t, and you can do it in a big way others really notice and admire.

You can never look to other people to see how much ability you should demonstrate. To determine where you want to be on this spectrum, you have to look inside yourself to find the truth of the level of Jedi, Samurai, skill you want to possess.

What happens to many people, unfortunately, (but hopefully not to you), is that they shrink the outcomes they want, and the outcomes they go for, to fit the skill level they have.  They don’t possess the skills to make something really awesome happen, so they stop dreaming big. 

They start to have goals that sound like, “I just want to survive this year”.  Sometimes it’s, “I just want to survive this month.”  It becomes, “I just want to deal with what’s right in front of me right now.”

As your dreams get smaller and smaller, so do you.  And no one I know really likes being small. 

It may seem “safe”, but it isn’t.  The smaller you are, the more the world can eat you up.  And it will.

The reason I teach communication skills is because I believe (and I see every day with my clients) that, while you can do many things extremely well, these are the skills that matter the most in life.  These are the skills that shape your life.  These are the skills that define who you are, what you do, what you have.

These are the skills that shape your self-confidence, your self-esteem, your self-respect, your self-pride.

These are the skills the shape your relationship with the world around you.

These are the skills that define your life.

This is what I’ve learned over and over in working with tens of thousands of clients:

You CHOOSE the level you want to be at.

And then you take action to make it so.

That’s the responsibility each of us has. To choose.  To develop the skill to act.  When we have the skill, nothing stops us from acting.  It’s only lack of skill that stops us.

The fact is, there is no limit to how good you can get with your communication.  And the better you get, the more causative you are and the more you can make what you want happen, and that enables you to dream bigger and bigger dreams and make them happen.

Sharma just emailed that she is getting unprecedented interest and support for her initiative and that a pilot is currently in progress with everyone enthusiastically predicting it will be rolled out company-wide.  She’s doing the happy dance in her home office.

She also said that:

“Without my learning how to communicate causatively, none of this would have happened.”

I believe her.  I know how hard it is to get people to listen.  Especially now.

And speaking of now, whichever way you do it, now is the perfect time for you to work on your own personal-development and increase your skill level to the level you WANT to be.

Don’t shrink your dreams to match your skills.  Increase your skills to match your dreams.

We created the free virtual offerings below to teach you what you need to know to improve your communication.

We created the upcoming Skill Building Summits to transform your knowledge of WHAT to do into real SKILLS.  These Summits are normally $997, but to help you build powerful skills during this time, I’m giving you a Promo Code that will reduce the price for you to $297.  The Promo Code expires after these Summits.  Please use this Promo Code when you register:  m6k5sh

Our Skill Building Summits are also available as Live Group Webinars for Teams and Corporations to bring out their true power.

You can have One-on-One Virtual Coaching if you choose to achieve mastery.

Choose the option that matches the level at which you want to operate.

There’s nothing you can’t create, there’s nothing you can’t cause.

It’s an ideal time to become more of your best self.

Be the cause!

Upcoming Online Services

1.  Virtual Presentations Skill-Building Summit:  6 hours intensive skill building over the course of 2 days

April 8 – 9, 2020

9:30 AM – 12:30 PM PST each day

Click here for information and to register.

2.      FREE Webinar:  Building a Foundation for Causative Communications

April 14, 2020

11:00 – 12:30 PST

Click here for information and to register.

3.      FREE Webinar:  Mastering Virtual Presentations

April 7, 2020

11:00 – 12:30 PST

Click here for information and to register.

4.   Causative Communications Skill-Building Summit: 6 hours intensive skill building over the course of 2 days

April 15 – 16, 2020

9:30 AM – 12:30 PM PST each day

Link for information and to register

5.      Live Group Webinars for Teams or Employees to Keep Morale High

Click here for information and to schedule.

6.      One-on-one Virtual Coaching to Build Life-Changing Skills

Click here for information and to schedule.

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How to “predict” your own future in challenging times

I received an email you might consider highly unusual for this week.  It said:

“I feel with this pandemic situation my life will change for the better.”

I’ve been receiving numerous communications with this theme.  My job is to help people be causative in a world that isn’t.  It’s working.  Let me tell you what’s making this person feel good.

Whatever you put your attention on, whatever you pour your energy into, will create your present reality as well as your future.

99% of the world doesn’t realize it yet.

When you were a little kid, you were very clear about where you wanted to put your attention.  Your attention was free.  You daydreamed.  You imagined. 

From the time you went to school, the world has been trying to direct your attention.

You had to sit in one spot and fixate your attention on the person in the front of the room.  For hours.  Whether they were a good teacher, whether they were even interesting, or not.  Whether you wanted to or not.  You were little.  It wasn’t up to you.

If your attention strayed, you were reprimanded, punished, labeled.  You were rewarded for paying attention to one source only - the person in front. This person had “authority”.  You did not.

This is not about obeying authority.  I think authority is good, when it’s deserved.

What this is about is what happens to many people.  And that is not listening to the truest authority of all – that authority inside yourself.

Fixating attention on one person, whether they deserved your attention or not, signaled the end of daydreaming, the end of imagination, the end of being the source of your own creative realities and even your decision power. And for many, the end of being truly causative, being as powerful as you really are.

It became a, “I’m waiting to see what authority tells me to do next.”

When the world goes into a frenzy, this fixation of attention can happen again.

It’s fine to grant authority to others.  But to be causative, you need to do it while still preserving the finest authority for you – which is yourself.

You should be aware of the reality of the world around you, but you should stay in control of your own perceptions, in command of where you put your attention, your dreams and your own reality.  And most importantly, instead of just copying and agreeing with the reality around you (especially if it’s crazy), focus on creating the reality and future you want.

The more your attention goes on the positive, the more positive your reality will be. The more energy you pour into creating a beautiful future, the more future you will have.

You can predict your own future. Because you create it.  And seeing a beautiful future ahead for you makes you feel good.

So how do you create this?

By focusing on your own personal development.  Nothing beats feeling powerful.  You get there by developing knowledge and skills that enable you to be so positive in your thinking, so causative, so able to communicate well and make everyone around you feel good, so competent in handling anything life can throw at you, that you no longer worry about it, you just handle it and create the present and future reality you want.  For yourself and for others too.

I look at my own abilities and those of the people I and my team are helping today. The world can shake, scream and yell, thunder can roll, our abilities stand up in a hurricane. Why? Because we’ve invested so much energy in developing them. We’ve done the work. And continue to do it.

It pays off.  Our clients achieve spectacular outcomes in a world that has yet to see that such success can be totally under your control.

The rest of the email I received went on to say:

“The pandemic has created a higher necessity level that I have to rise up to.  So, I’ve been dedicating serious time every day to my own self-development.  As I do, I clearly see what motivates me the most and I’m shifting the focus of my career to be able to do more of that.  Other activities don’t give me as much passion and interest like that. And the more I learn new skills (like I’m doing quite intensively now) the more I get passionate about it.  I’m gaining such excellent knowledge!”

I love working with people in person. I’m one of those people that likes to hug people after we’ve gotten to know each other (often after one day of training).

But I’ve learned these past two weeks that I’m just as able to help people virtually. The incredibly wonderful online technology that we have today is enabling me and my team to sail through this storm and help even more people than before.  It’s really opened our eyes to all the possibilities.  We’re helping a lot of people.  And that feels good.

To respond to all the people who want our help and can’t show up in person, I have developed a menu of online training and coaching (and more is coming), each of which will enable you to be causative in a world that isn’t.

There are a series of free webinars you can take advantage of too.  Info is below.

What happens today is up to you. And so is tomorrow, and tomorrow’s tomorrow.

Maybe when you were little it wasn’t up to you.  But it’s up to you now.

Being causative means you’re not just waiting around for it to show up. You’re actually creating what shows up.

It all hinges on what you put your attention on and what you pour energy into. 

Whichever way you can, pour energy right now into increasing your skills, your power, and your morale will be super high today, and your future will be more beautiful than you’ve ever dreamed.  Please see below for ways we can help you.

Be the cause!

Upcoming Online Services

1.  Virtual Presentations Skill-Building Summit:  6 hours intensive skill building over the course of 3 days (Registration closed - Click on the link below and put your name on the waitlist to be notified of the next one)

March 24 – 26

11:00 – 1:00 PST each day

Click here for information and to register.

2.      FREE Webinar:  Building a Foundation for Causative Communications

March 31, 2020

11:00 – 12:30 PST

Click here for information and to register.

3.      FREE Webinar:  Mastering Virtual Presentations (This session is full – Click on the link below and put your name on the waitlist to be notified of the next one)

April 1, 2020

11:00 – 12:30 PST

Click here for information and to register.

4.      FREE Webinar:  For Graduates of Effective Communications and Causative Communication and one-on-one Coaching

April 2, 2020

10:00 – 11:30 PST

Click here for information and to register.

5.      FREE Webinar:  For Graduates of Advanced Presentation Skills and Transformative Presentation Skills and one-on-one Coaching

April 2, 2020

12:00 – 1:30 PST

Click here for information and to register.

6.      Live Group Webinars for Teams or Employees to Keep Morale High

Click here for information and to schedule.

7.      One-on-one Virtual Coaching to Build Life-Changing Skills

Click here for information and to schedule.

Upcoming Open Enrollment In-Person Workshops

Causative Communication Live!

• April 29 – May 1, 2020

Click here for Information. Click here to register.

Transformative Presentation Skills

• April 23 - 24, 2020

Click here for Information. Click here to register.

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The incredible power of acknowledgements

I live on the West Coast. My sister lives on the East in Philadelphia. Every year we take turns visiting for Christmas. This year it’s my turn to go to Philadelphia.  I’m keen to see my family there.

I was on the phone with her over the weekend planning the details. In the middle of our conversation she got into an argument with her 19-year-old son, Gabriel. I could hear all of it.

It was a heated, passionate argument, but there was something about it that blew me away.

What blew me away was that I could hear love in both their voices as they argued.  And they were soon laughing.  And as the argument went on, they were laughing more and more.

It was very easy to see the reason for that. Even though they were arguing, and they were actually pretty mad at each other, they acknowledged each other.

They were completely disagreeing, but they were actually listening to each other and they would say things like, “I understand…”  and, “Yeah, I get what you’re saying …”  before they said what they thought.

It all happened super-fast.  The acknowledgments were quick, just like the responses were.  It happened at the speed of most arguments. But I could see that with every acknowledgment, there was a burst of love and laughter from the one being acknowledged.

The argument took less than five minutes to resolve and ended on a high note.  It was actually really fun to listen to.  I enjoyed it.

I told my sister about the power of acknowledgments years ago. She’s been doing it ever since. And Gabriel has learned to always acknowledge what she says before he responds.  Even when they’re really mad.

They have a normal amount of arguments, but they’re over so fast and they’re warm and affectionate and loving.

My sister even says the dreaded word “but” (which you’re never supposed to say after an acknowledgement), like, “I understand but …” And it still works!

It made me realize that you really CAN listen to and acknowledge another person, even in the heat of an argument. Most people think you can’t or that it’s difficult.  Not true.

You just have to DECIDE to do it.

It also made me realize that it doesn’t have to be a heavy or serious thing. It can happen fast and be light, and even happen at the speed of light.

For me the most important thing about these holidays and this season is the deep love, that I get to give and receive in abundance. To me that love is sacred.

I love knowing that there’s a way to protect and preserve it, even in a heated, passionate family like mine.

You don’t have to wait for an argument to acknowledge others.  Good acknowledgements will make even the best relationship soar.  And they belong in every conversation.

May you be filled with all that makes your soul sing during the holidays!  Wishing you a joyous time with your good friends and family.

Be the cause!

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Shifting out of automatic

John is charming and lovable. But when you put him in front of a prospect, all that drains away and he turns into a “sales guy”. The second he starts talking, it’s like you pushed “play” and he shifts into automatic.

Joan’s affinity automatically drops from warm to hard and cold if you say something she doesn’t like.

Jeff automatically becomes stiff and “corporate” in any conversation where he feels he’s on stage or senses there might be push back.

None of them knew they were doing this until they saw themselves on video during the Causative Communication Workshop.

The problem with shifting into “automatic” is that YOU are not there. It’s like something else has taken over and is talking for you. That something else is a machine, it’s not you.

That machine has no alternative but to do exactly what it’s programmed to do.

You, on the other hand, are the most creative, inventive and intelligent force in your life.

You don’t need to see yourself on video to start becoming aware of times when you shift into automatic. It happens to everyone, so don’t beat yourself up if you find yourself doing it.

Shifting out of automatic and into spontaneous action is liberating.  It restores your power. And it’s the only way for you to be causative.

I wish you could have seen the final videos from John, Joan and Jeff. You’d be blown away. You’d be instantly attracted to them. What they say in those videos is compelling, in an authentic, deeply heartfelt way that draws you into their world.

You are the most causative agent in your life. When you notice yourself shifting into automatic, make sure you bring the real YOU back as quickly as possible.

Be the cause!

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How to sabotage your own promotion

Chris, a highly successful and well-loved Director with solid business results, was a great guy with a lot of bottled up frustration.  He rightly felt he was due for a promotion to VP, but it wasn’t happening.  He saw other Directors around him getting promoted which added to his dismay.

During a one-on-one with his boss, Chris let him know he would like to be promoted to VP. He said: “I think I’ve been doing a really good job for a long time as Director and I’m ready for the next step which would be a VP role.”

The boss agreed Chris had been doing stellar work and could at some point be promoted to VP. But the timing wasn’t right, the organization was going through another re-org, they should let the dust settle before initiating anything, etc., etc., etc.  

That particular re-org led to another, and to another and it was eight months later that Chris asked his boss again when the timing would be right. The boss said he, “hoped it would be soon but not right now.”

Chris was now looking outside the organization because he didn’t feel there were opportunities internally.  He was pretty unhappy being stuck in a role he had mastered with a boss he felt didn’t support his career development.

But Chris’s boss wasn’t the one stopping the promotion, Chris was.

The funny thing is that no one actually TOLD Chris to stop communicating.  He had been told to stop so many times in the past, that now he stopped himself.  He didn’t need to be told.

Chris was suffering from too much obedience.

Obeying this self-imposed injunction severely restricted his boss’s ability to understand what was really happening with Chris.  If your viewpoint is not understood, the chances of the other person doing what you want are severely limited.

Unfortunately, Chris is not alone.  People in large corporations obey unwritten laws about what they can say, how much to say and to whom.

They shut down too fast.

This communication obedience training starts way back in school.  I never did well with it. We were threatened with trouble if we talked to other students or voiced our opinions to teachers.  I always talked to other students and let teachers know what I was thinking.  Teachers tried to make me stop, but they didn’t get anywhere with me.  

The problem with obedience is it takes away your freedom.  And when you give away your freedom, you give away your choices.

I taught Chris how to speak up to his boss about his promotion to VP.  Not in a disobedient fashion, but politely, in a way that would be interesting and valuable to his boss.  Initially Chris had a million reasons why he shouldn’t bring up the subject again, but once he learned how, he did it with confidence.

In the next one-on-one with his boss, Chris spoke up and filled the vacuum of missing information the boss had about why and how much Chris deserved the promotion, what it meant to him and how it would benefit the organization.  The boss was leaning forward in his chair the whole time.  His reaction was, “Wow! We should really get on this! I don’t think we should wait any longer. We need to get that promotion now.”

Chris spoke up to several more key individuals and suddenly he had team of champions doing the work of getting him promoted.

And now he’s enjoying his VP role.

Your career is never up to “them”.  It is always and only up to you.

Never allow someone else to stop you from communicating.  You need to speak up to be understood.  The question is never whether or not to speak up, the question is how to do it so you are truly heard.

Where have you stopped your own forward progress? Are you ready to do something about it?

Be the cause!

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Giving presence for Thanksgiving

Last week I delivered a Causative Communication workshop to a small group of wonderful professionals ranging from a reliability engineer to several senior directors. 

Every single one of them, in their final video, is radiant. There’s no other word for it. They are about to be confronted with a difficult situation.  And they are radiant.

As a matter of fact, even before they’ve said a word, they have won you over.  Any resistance you have, has completely melted away. You are already smiling and completely drawn to them.  You can’t help it. 

Their radiance steers the difficult situation they’re facing solidly on track towards a positive outcome.

It’s an almost overwhelming radiance. You might call it charisma, but charisma is a shabby word compared to this.  What you’re seeing is much more powerful.

Where does this radiance come from?  Two things.

In their first video, the “before” video, they were all thinking. This happens to pretty much everyone, no matter how successful they are.  They’re thinking about what they’re going to say, about the outcome, about how difficult the situation is, lots of things. This thinking introverts their attention.

They’re not really being there, not in the moment, fully present and so therefore, they don’t have presence.  Without presence, there is no radiance.

Secondly, in their first video, they don’t have much affinity for the other person. There’s no reason for them to have any because the other person is being difficult, so they don’t.

However, in their final video, they have stopped thinking. They have graduated to looking and knowing. They are completely in the moment, they are completely there, you feel them totally with you.  Their presence is strong.

Additionally, they are FULL of affinity.  For no reason, except that they are.  Their great affinity makes you smile back before you even have time to think about it.  It supersedes logic.

Radiant means to shine beams of light from a center.

That center is YOU.  The light that shines is directly from you.  

And when you are fully present, with your attention fully extroverted onto the other person, and when you are full of affinity, you are radiant.

You are also beautiful and handsome. We talked about how politically incorrect it was to mention it, but it just is that way.  Their unique personalities were shining and they were beautiful and handsome.

That brings us to our special holiday tomorrow.  In addition to being about fabulous food, Thanksgiving is about love. And connecting with the people we love most.  We choose carefully who we spend Thanksgiving with.  These are the people who really count deepest in our hearts.

You are what they are most thankful for.

A powerful connection is born when you connect directly from you, from your center, from your core. You connect by really being present with the people you’re with and by being full of affinity or even love for them.

Affinity is one of the highest nutrient-rich foods you can ever serve to your soul.  It’s the only substance in the world that if you start giving away in the morning, but the end of the day you have way more than you started with.

As for me, I feel very grateful our paths have crossed - I have been truly enriched by it and am grateful we are part of a community dedicated to making the world a better place with our causative communication.

I’m wishing you a beautiful Thanksgiving full of love!  May this special holiday abundantly fill your soul and emotional heart too.

Be the cause!                                                                                                                                                                  

Ingrid

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How to transform a crusty senior executive

Don is a crusty senior executive in a large corporation. And although the metrics inarguably prove he’s successful in producing stellar business results, Don as a person is blunt and crude. People have been trying to get the message through to him for years that he needs to be more diplomatic.

Steve, a peer of Don’s who made it to CEO, recommended my coaching to Don to help him with his “interpersonal skills”.  Don was less than enthusiastic, but called me and asked if we could meet in person.

When we did, he managed to insult me twice before we even got to the conference room to start our meeting. These things don’t bother me, I just notice where someone needs to improve and start figuring out how to help them.

Turns out EVERYONE had been telling Don he needs to be more diplomatic: his boss, HR, his peers, his wife.  And they had been telling him for YEARS. He had even alienated one of his two daughters who was no longer talking to him.  

I’m not given a lot of time to create major change in these situations.  I have to help clients create a meaningful transformation - sometimes in a matter of hours.

While assuring me of his profound skepticism, Don agreed to a four-hour coaching program with me.

At the end of four hours, Don was still direct and incisive. He lost none of that. But he was also sensitive and considerate, even warm.

The effect this had on others was profound.

Whereas before they had followed his orders, now they did it with much greater enthusiasm and investment of their full selves.

Most importantly, they did it without fear.

Don approached his alienated daughter who found herself surprisingly willing to engage in a conversation. By the end of it, his daughter hugged him and cried. They both did. Their conversations became the kind of father-daughter conversations that live in your heart, that you remember, forever.

Don’s wife stopped in the middle of doing dishes to look at him and tell him how much she loved him and how he was very much the man she wanted to marry.

So how did I get through to Don when others had failed?

Words.  Normal words used in a very special way.

Your words mean something to you. You have a very specific, very particular meaning in mind when you speak them.

The problem you encounter is that when you say something, your words can mean something completely different to the people hearing them.

When that happens, your words are powerless.

That’s what was happening in Don‘s case. Everyone could talk and talk to him endlessly about his needing to change, but their words meant nothing to Don.

In these situations, most people make the mistake of using more and MORE words that have no meaning.  Then everyone gets tired of the subject.

What I did differently was this:

I pretty much used the same words everyone else was using.  But, and this is a COLOSSAL difference, I caused my words to have the same meaning for Don that they did to me.

I never told him he needed to be diplomatic.  I never told him he needed to be sensitive, kind or considerate.

But I got him to have full conceptual understanding of each of these principles.  Then I stood back.

I never, ever tell people how to behave. School and corporate life have done too much of that and robbed them of their character and unique identity.  My job is to bring it all back.

The change in Don came from within.  He looked at me and said, “I feel different.” I looked back at him and said, “We’re done.”

Talking about the results this change in him produced during our follow-up session a month later had us both simultaneously grinning and crying a little, especially when it came to his daughter.

Don had never experienced so much love and warmth from others, especially from the people below him in the organization. 

Your words give physical expression, give body, physical presence, to your imaginations, realities and your desires.

If your words lose their meaning when others hear them, you lose your power.

The key is to create the exact meaning you intend.

Then others respond to you the way you intend.  And then you are able to enlighten them, reach them, influence them, persuade them, move them.

How quickly you can do that defines your success.

I have a workshop coming up in December where you will learn all about the power and secret of words.

I have a precise method I use that I will teach you.  And I mean LASER precise, which is what allowed me to reach Don in 4 hours when others hadn’t gotten the door to Don to open even a crack in 4 years.

You’ll learn how to create powerful meaning and impact with everyone who hears or reads your words.

How prized is this ability?

It’s the one defining factor that makes a successful senior executive. It’s the one defining factor that gets people promoted to senior executive ranks. It’s the one defining factor that enables them to be successful.

Let me give you some examples.

• A Senior Vice President was unsuccessful trying to get the concept of respect across to his CEO and his peers.  When he used this approach, they all closed their laptops and started listening to him. The culture within the senior leadership team changed in one meeting.

• Another Senior VP had changed organizations and was overwhelmed in his new role. The learning curve in the new organization was killing the rapid success he was expected to produce. When he used this approach, that all changed in 2 hours. He was back in control, gained immediate traction, creating organizational success at a greatly accelerated pace.

It’s not just for senior executives.

• An Executive Assistant’s daughter threatened to commit suicide because she was flunking out of nursing school, wrecking what she believed was her last hope for success. Using what she learned, the mother turned the situation around with her daughter in one Saturday and the daughter graduated nursing school in the “top three” of her class.

• A sales professional in the semiconductor industry was given an unpromising territory because she was new to the role. Using what she learned, she took business away from competitors.  Despite the obstacles she faced, she rapidly became one of the top sales people in her organization. What was truly unique about her was she didn’t “sell” in the traditional sense.  She simply got her true meanings across to her prospects.

Words.  Powerful stuff.  When you know how to use words, you can do anything.  Change their minds. Change a culture. Change lives. And you can even change yourself too if you’d like.

I personally get really excited delivering this workshop. My biggest problem is not waking up at 3:00 in the morning the night before because I’m so looking forward to it. I don’t know when I’ll be offering the workshop again because it’s truly a unique offering. So make time in your December schedule or request an on-site version of it if this resonates with you.

In the meantime, understand that, in every aspect of your life, your words are key to your success. 

Be the cause!

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Giving up “normal”

Ordinary and normal don’t do it for me, not in any conversation.

Over the weekend I stopped into the pet food store to pick up cat food for my three cats. There was a new guy there. I told him I had placed an order and asked if he could find it in the back. As he was helping me, I applied everything I know about extraordinary communication to a very mundane conversation about cat food. When he was finished helping me with my order, he hugged me and asked me to come back.  He went so far as to ask me how long it would take for my cats to eat all the cans I was getting (I buy a lot at one time) and happily calculated I would be back in 6 weeks.

Why did he do that? Because spectacular communication is rare in his life.

At my farmer’s market on Sunday, the farmer where I buy broccoli every week, a guy who normally looks very sullen and disinterested, started grinning when he saw me walking toward his stand.

Why did he do that? Because spectacular communication is rare in his life.

A senior executive in a major corporation whose staff complains he never makes time to meet with them told me to always stop by his office to talk with him when I’m in the building.  Our five minute impromptu meetings stretch to 30 or even 45 minutes.

Why does he do that? Because spectacular communication is rare in his life.

A Vice President known for never answering his emails always answers mine the same day.

Why does he do that? Because spectacular communication is rare in his life.

Those are just my results. I haven’t even begun to tell you the results my clients get. They get equally spectacular results when they apply what they learned.

Being causative means the ability to make what you want happen.  And the only hope of that in any situation, especially in difficult or challenging ones, or with difficult people, is exceptional communication and your ability to make it happen.

Just because you’re talking, just because you’re listening, does not automatically mean you’re communicating.

Real communication leaves you feeling really good.  If you’re not feeling incredibly good, what just happened isn’t communication.

There are different grades of communication, just as there are different levels of ability in any activity.  And at the highest level, what you want, happens.

Many people think what happens, the outcome, depends on the other person.  

The outcome is out of your hands if your communication skills aren’t up to creatively constructing new realities that capture the imagination of others.

The purpose of communication is to create powerfully good relationships and gain commitment for what you want so it really happens. And happens fast.

Another purpose of communication, not much talked about, is to create joy, for there is great joy in deeply satisfying communications.

Your level of skill determines whether these things happen, how often and how fast.

Most people, even successful ones, have a level of skill that gets them by. They may be good communicators, but they’re not extraordinary.

I noticed this very early in life and, believing there’s nothing more rewarding, I dedicated myself to developing extraordinary communication skills and helping others get there also.

That’s what my writing, my training workshops, my coaching is about. To take your skills to such an extraordinary level that you are able to navigate all of the different personalities and realities you interact with to get spectacular outcomes. Not good ones, but spectacular.

That’s how I measure communication competence. Not just by well how you speak or how well you listen. But by the quality of the outcome and relationships you create, and the length of time it takes you to get there.

Does it take you a year to get to where you want? Three months? Three days? Or do you see it start to materialize in three minutes? 

This is so much more than talking, I can’t even fit it into the same universe. If it was just about talking, it would be easy to be successful every time.  But you can talk and talk and talk, and walk away feeling less than complete and even frustrated.

Or you can communicate at an exceptional level, see a radical transformation in the other person and experience a spectacular outcome.

So it really comes down to one fundamental goal of being able to make anything you want to happen through exceptional and causative communication.

When you are effortlessly extraordinary, you go on to lead an extraordinary life, both at work and at home. 

You are in charge of choosing the standard you live by.

Be the cause!

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Melting Jack Frost: the difficult senior exec

Sophia had been a shining star as a Director. When she was promoted to VP and given a much larger zone of visibility and responsibility, she also took on real risk of failure.

In her new role, Sophia now attended weekly senior leadership meetings, which is where she ran into Jack every Wednesday.

Jack had the ear of the CEO.  Sophia didn’t.  Jack dominated every meeting he was in. In this Silicon Valley corporation, he was the most technically proficient person in the room. He presented his ideas forcefully. Jack liked winning and believed in intimidation.  There was nothing warm about him, kind of like “Jack Frost” himself. He shut you down if you expressed a dissenting opinion. Most people never dared.  Even the CEO deferred to Jack.

Sophia had been successful as a “backrooms influencer.” She preferred to hash out diverging views away from an audience or public scrutiny, and then bring a consensus, neatly and politely resolved, back to the larger group.  She found conflict unpleasant and shied away from it.

Suddenly Jack was taking her on center stage, and despite her vision and passion, she became subdued and ineffective.

Sophia’s goal when she arrived to learn Causative Communication was to navigate these difficult situations while successfully getting her ideas implemented.  Her goal was to get Jack to listen.  Her goal was to transform Jack so they could collaborate effectively.

Sophia values being warm and graceful under pressure.  But she found herself agitated and frenzied at these meetings.  She wanted to preserve a calm elegance and genuine friendliness while under intense fire.

This takes a lot of skill.

I taught Sophia the formula for communication that works in every situation. We spent a lot of time applying it to the difficult conversations and meetings which were now routine in her VP life. With practice and coaching, real transformation emerged.

The first transformation was in herself.  Sophia gained the ability to comfortably face severely uncomfortable conversations. She also gained the ability to be very direct, yet very warm and friendly and still be powerful, deliberate and intentional, even under fire.

The next transformation was in Jack. Jack didn’t come to our workshop, of course. Sophia did. But her new skills now allowed her to transform OTHER people…even people as difficult as Jack.

The next meeting she attended, she put forth an innovative idea and Jack instantly dismissed it.  Usually that would be the end of it.

This time, Sophia held Jack’s gaze and let him know she fully understood his point of view. When he looked at her, all Jack saw was real understanding, powerful intention, and genuine friendliness.  Sophia let her acknowledgment sink in.  She wasn’t in a rush.  Jack was quiet, waiting to see what Sophia was going to say next.

Not forcefully, but powerfully with very strong intention, and still with great warmth, Sophia said, “Let me explain why I think this is a good idea.”

She directed her comments to Jack, but also included the other leaders. Jack was listening and so was everyone else.  She had their full attention.

Sophia was clear.  She was concise. She said a lot in a few words. She was deliberate. She was purposeful. She was elegant.  She wasn’t rushed.  She wasn’t pressured or pressuring.  She was compelling.

The look in Jack’s eyes changed. To respect.

With a new, very pleasant tone of voice, Jack asked her a couple questions, then paused, and agreed her proposal was worth trying.

The next transformation was in the senior leadership team.  With her new skills, Sophia had completely changed the dynamics of the group.

Once that happens, there is no putting that toothpaste back into that tube. Suddenly the dynamic wasn’t, “We have to do what Jack says.”   The new dynamic was to have polite, in-depth conversations, allow input from everyone and make the best decision.

The final transformation was in the organization. When a senior leadership team starts working together this effectively, the organization can’t help but transform as well.

Sophia is an example of the power of a single individual.

Yes, you could say she was in a VP role and so was in a position to generate the transformation.  But I have worked with individuals at every level, down to low level individual contributors with no one reporting to them.

It doesn’t matter where you are in the organization. When you make that first transformation - with your own self - when you become a world-class communicator, there is no limit to the impact you can have in this world.  No limit at all.

The most difficult part of this entire journey is making the decision to begin.

You might think that the obstacles keeping you from getting where you want to go have little to do with your communication skills.

But that’s only because people have been taught to believe they AREN’T as powerful as they actually are.  Don’t fall for it.

You have the power to transform your entire world just like Sophia did.

If she can do it with Mr. Jack “Frost,” you can do it too.

This is the purpose of our Causative Communication Live! Workshop. This is where you learn the formula for communication that ALWAYS works.  Then you seriously upgrade your ability to communicate effectively, enabling you to rapidly achieve your vision.

Be the cause!

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