Jayne was right, but she was losing the argument.

She wanted a seat at the table in meetings that directly involved her team, but she was told they “weren’t essential” during the decision-making process. It caused her lots of trouble when her team was given requirements they couldn’t fulfill. The amount of extra work and frustration this generated made them crazy.

Conversations went like this:

Jayne: “It really creates lots of problems for the whole organization if we’re not involved in the decision making. I would like to attend the meetings to be able to give input so that the decisions we come out with can be implemented faster. This will enable my team to be more responsive and we will be able to not only bring the projects in on time, but bring them in with better quality and make customers even happier.”

VP: “We don’t want too many people at the meeting, it’s not really necessary to have you there, we’ll fill you in afterward.”

Jayne: “But that’s going to cause problems.”

VP: “Well, do what you can to make it work.”

Jayne showed up for Causative Communication desperate for a solution.

Her argument was logical, rational and she had no idea why it wasn’t working. It was a total mystery to her how the VP came to his conclusion. The only possible explanation was that he was “really thick”.

This kind of situation didn’t just happen once in a while in Jayne’s life.  It happened a lot.

Jayne thinks light years ahead of most people, she sees what they don’t see, she comes up with answers faster than they can perceive problems. And when she has to communicate from her world to their world, if they’re not already in her world, they don’t follow her.

What she was seeing was so obvious to Jayne, she believed that if she simply pointed it out, it would be obvious to everyone else. She couldn’t understand why that didn’t work.

What Jayne didn’t realize was the depth of understanding needed to persuade the VP. The problem was simple – he didn’t really understand.  Not really.

When you step back and study the natural laws involving communication with human beings, it becomes clear that what really creates agreement is the real depth of understanding you create.

Jayne created shallow understanding and was dismayed when the world didn’t agree with her.  She missed that they didn’t even really understand her.  Not really.  Not enough

This doesn’t mean it has to take you a long time.  It does mean you have to do it right.  I often hear people tell me, “What used to take me 30 minutes to persuade someone is now taking 3.”

When you know how to do it right, it can be done rapidly.

Jayne learned it all.  And loved it. 

She went in to talk with the VP.  But this time, instead of being anxious, Jayne was being there comfortably. Instead of thinking he was “thick”, she had high affinity for him.  Instead of worrying about where he was going, she was really listening to him.  Instead of jumping in with an argument, Jayne was acknowledging him to the point of seeing bursts of happiness and affinity for her in his eyes.  Instead of “talking at him,” Jayne made a warm connection.  Instead of throwing her demand at him, Jayne was getting her point across with intention so it really made an impression, so he really got it. So he understood it.

Once what she was telling him really sunk in, the results were quick, the VP wanted Jayne at the table. Immediately.

As they continued forward, and Jayne continued to excel at creating real understanding, what happened next was even more amazing - he wanted Jayne at every table.

The most recent email we received from Jayne was, “I not only got a seat at the table, I’m now leading the meetings. And getting invited to all the other high-level meetings.”

People recognize a real leader in anyone who can truly communicate. Everyone is born with this potential, only a very few realize it.

The important point here is that you can. And activating yours will completely transform your ability to create extraordinary outcomes. Don’t look at what the rest of the world is doing. Be the one who can.

Be the cause!