Jennifer: “They’re only giving me two minutes in front of senior leadership to present this big idea! TWO minutes! I need your help! How do you present this in two minutes?”

Me: “Let’s take a step back. What do you really need?”

Jennifer: “I need 20 minutes!”

Me: “Good.  Why don’t we work on how to successfully communicate so that you get the 20 minutes?”

Jennifer: “Oh my gosh, could I do that?  That’s what I really want!”

Brad: “I’ve been waiting for this promotion for so long and I went to talk to my boss about it and he wants to give me a stretch assignment that has nothing to do with where my career is headed. I feel like I’m going backwards and being seriously delayed. And I’m going to be heading up a team that’s dysfunctional!  How do I convince them to get this project done, and do it fast so I can get this stretch assignment over and get back on track?”

Me: “How about if we develop the skills you need to get your boss to see that there’s a better idea than the stretch assignment and that is to promote you to vice president?”

Brad: “Oh, wow! Could we do that? That’s what I really want!”

Ann: “I need help communicating with a new person they just put on my team who reports to me. This person has a really bad attitude and they’re not listening to me. They’re holding the whole team back. I’m afraid it’s going to look bad on my own performance review if I don’t handle this person.”

Me: “How about if we work on the communication skills you need to get this person OFF your team?”

Ann: “Oh my gosh that would be heaven! Could we do that? That’s what I really want!”

I can’t even begin to tell you how many times, in my coaching sessions, I help a person achieve, NOT the goal they initially state, but the real goal they actually have.

Moral of the story: To be truly causative you need to make sure you are working on the goal you want to achieve, not a goal someone has given you. 

This is how people sacrifice their integrity and their basic purpose, bit by bit, until they are running under someone else’s control.  It never goes well.

These are tricky situations that take a lot of skill. Getting others to agree with you.  Getting others to change direction.  Getting others enthusiastic about cooperating with you.

People think that when they rise to positions of authority, they’ll have more control. The opposite is true:  When you have more control, you will rise to a position of authority.

You don’t need authority.  You need skills.  It’s only when you have the skills, even in your own mind, that you earn the authority. 

You can start picking up someone else’s goals very easily without being aware of it.  There’s always something that feels “off” about it, so that’s an easy way to tell when you’ve done it. In an effort to be agreeable, you have agreed to something you don’t really want to do. Something that’s “off purpose” for you.  It won’t feel good after that.

If you’re not filled with enthusiasm for what you’re doing, it’s a good idea to make a scan of your universe to check to see where you might have picked up someone else’s goals, and to ensure you’re making spectacular progress on your own. You need to shed these other goals and focus on yours in order to be enthusiastic.  And happy.

Take a moment right now. Do a quick scan. Is there anything you’re less than enthusiastic about?  Anything you’re doing you don’t want to do? Anything you don’t like?  Anything that’s missing your real purpose?  Anything that just feels like “work”?  When the purpose goes out, it turns into drudgery, it turns into “work”.

Just because you can’t figure out right now how to achieve your goal, to live your real purpose, that doesn’t mean that it can’t be done. It simply means you need to figure it out.

If you want help gaining the skills you need to help you communicate to others so they enthusiastically go along with the direction you want to take, I recommend Causative Communication  and Beyond Persuasion:  The new route to creating extraordinary outcomes.  I created these courses for just that purpose. These programs provide a powerful way to master these skills.

Learning how to shape reality, learning how to shape your destiny, learning how to smoothly get others aligned and fully cooperating with your direction and goals, that’s where the real joy is.  It’s the only way you work on what you want to be working on, the only way you get what you really want.

Be the cause!