Gisele and Martin did not have a great working relationship.  But then again, Martin did not have a great working relationship with anyone.  He was considered “difficult.”

Gisele was hitting it out of the park with her presentations.  Everyone else was sold on her latest innovative idea for creating a much-needed breakthrough for her global organization.

That is, everyone except Martin.

Gisele showed up for her coaching session with me and said, “I’m presenting really well now, I only have one stumbling block. Martin is blocking my proposal and I can’t go forward without him.  He’s really stubborn.  Won’t listen and he keeps repeating the same thing over and over again.”

Why do people do that?

One reason only. They feel you’re not getting it.  So they get stuck sending the same thing over and over. 

This is how you open the door.

First I coached Gisele to really listen.  This was very difficult for her.  Listening to Martin’s negativity was frustrating and she would lose her patience. She was so lost in her frustration, she literally wasn’t hearing what he was saying.

This took about 15 minutes of coaching until she could fully be there for him.  At that point she was able to stop thinking and simply be very “tuned in” to Martin as he talked.  That alone is half-way there to disarming resistance. 

People change when they feel you tune in.  They know.  It’s magical.

Then I spent 15 minutes coaching Gisele on how to understand and acknowledge Martin, making sure that she was creating an experience for Martin where Martin felt very understood.

This is a real ability, to acknowledge well.

The right acknowledgement creates a transformation in the other person.  You can see it.  Something deep inside of them relaxes.  Their face changes.  Their body language changes.  Their tone of voice changes.  Their affinity for you skyrockets.

The conversation pivots on that exact point, at that exact moment.

You have a completely different conversation.  A completely different relationship.  A completely different outcome.

Well delivered acknowledgements are one of the most powerful forces for uplifting the conversation, any conversation, uplifting the relationship and raising affinity.  Way more powerful than most people realize.

People make the mistake of thinking people need to be “validated” or agreed with.  In truth what rages inside them is a craving to be understood. 

You’ll be absolutely amazed how open others will be to your ideas (even if they were totally disagreeing with them just seconds before) once you successfully complete this step in the communication process.

I coached Gisele until she could give a very sincere and powerful acknowledgment that would melt a glacier.  I knew Martin would respond.  I knew Martin would only then be open to her ideas.  I knew he would be open.

Gisele had a team meeting that Martin would be attending following our coaching session.  I got her email immediately after the meeting:

“Acknowledgement was ‘golden’ and it worked.  I gave Martin ‘true and real’ acknowledgements and after only two times only, it worked and for the first time he could hear what I was saying and was supporting my proposal. :)”

It turns out, Martin is a good person.  With a craving to be understood.  Really, just like the rest of us.

Once you understand how acknowledgements work, and WHY they work, your conversations, relationships and the outcomes you can create change forever. 

Next week I’ll talk about the key ingredients to a successful acknowledgement.  In the meantime, use what you already know and get started.  You’ll see results right away.

Be the cause!