Maria came up with a way to make her division more efficient and to increase its profitability. She had very compelling logic and a great recommendation. 

But when Maria presented it to senior leadership, she was met with lukewarm interest and no action.

As she was practicing with me during her coaching, Maria had the idea in her mind that I represented that panel of senior executives. She also had in her mind the idea that she was coming to this panel of execs asking for permission.

This is an enormous mistake to make.

Despite the fact that Maria had a mountain of extraordinary achievements to give her solid credibility, she came across like an insecure child asking to be allowed to do something.

She looked weak and unsure, and talked to me like I was all-powerful and mighty. 

It was something she wanted very badly and Maria almost looked like she was on the verge of pleading.

Why?  

Because in her mind, “they” had all the power, she had none. That’s why she felt like she was asking for permission.

We have been carefully trained to be this way.

We have been trained to ask for permission from the time that we are very, very little.  School was a constant battle for permission.  As a matter of fact, most of what we got early in life, we got only when permission was granted. Even if it was one of the most basic of life’s joys, like staying up a little later past our bedtime.  Imagine if you had to ask someone for that today.

The problem with asking for permission is that immediately in your mind it puts you in a one-down position. Guaranteed to make you nervous. Guaranteed to put you out of control when it comes to creating the outcome you want, guaranteed to destroy your causative nature.

This affects people whether they’re asking for a promotion, a raise, headcount, resources, increased responsibilities, vacation, etc. etc. etc.

Some people compensate by becoming forceful and demanding, developing an artificial swagger and reputations for being aggressive. Although these people do accomplish their goals more often than those who are weak, they are not respected or admired. They don’t win hearts and minds.

There’s a world of difference between asking for permission and communicating effectively.

Most of us were never taught how to be confident about the knowledge we do possess, never taught how to develop a strong foundation of self-belief, strong enough to withstand a panel of executives in higher positions of authority.

As a result, most of us were never taught how to communicate as trusted advisors.

Yet, most people I coach, if not all of them, after years of hard work, have developed a unique and valuable expertise.

I asked Maria if she mentored any “early in career” individuals and she said there were many.   They think she’s a rock star.

I told her to get the idea that I was an “early in career” individual who really looked up to her, admired her and wanted to learn from her wisdom and experience.  Maria could think of a number of people who did that.  And then now, with that idea in mind of WHO she was talking to, tell me her recommendation for restructuring the division.

With that simple shift, an entirely NEW Maria showed up.

Her body language completely transformed. Her shoulders relaxed.  All 42 of her facial muscles relaxed.  Her face had genuine warmth and she got quite a blazing and confident look in her eye.  There was a completely calm, rock-solid certainty in her voice tone.

Maria looked and sounded like a completely different person.

As she explained her thought process and recommendation to me, Maria used way fewer words and communicated with way more positive and compelling intention.

Needless to say, it was powerful. Causative.

I told her to get the idea that the panel of executives saw her as a trusted advisor and the first thing Maria blurted out was, “Oh no, not me!”

How did we get so brainwashed to think so little of ourselves?

Yet, if you’re being asked to present to execs, you are being seen as a trusted advisor, if only you accept the invitation and are willing to step into those shoes. 

I coached Maria until she was completely comfortable presenting as a trusted advisor.

I can’t even put into words how amazing she was. I saw her through that exec panel’s eyes.  You listen to her because she now is a leader, because she it’s clear she knows so much. She makes you feel like you’re in good, capable hands. You trust her.  If she says, “We need to act”, it’s clear:  we need to act.

She presented the next day to the real panel of execs and sent me an immediate email, here is the essence:

“It really was a world of difference.  Victory!”

When you feel you need to ask for permission, notice what happens to you, how you’re feeling and the changes that come over you.  It doesn’t have to be that way.

Next time you’re talking up your chain of command, take a moment to decide which pair of shoes you’re going to wear. The little boy or girl shoes to ask for permission?  Or the shoes of a trusted advisor?

Slip on the big pair and make your presentation. Trust me, it’s very much what your audience wants you to do.  And the world will hear your voice and be better for it.

Be the cause!