It was 10 PM on the West Coast. No one was looking forward to this meeting.

Teams from three companies, different time zones, were coming together to discuss supplier issues.  All three anticipating an unpleasant, contentious, argumentative, blaming, confrontational series of disagreements, punctuated by complete resistance on three sides.

All three teams expected to walk away frustrated.

Valerie, the vice president I’m coaching, was one of 12 people attending.  That’s a tough number of people to manage in a heated debate.

Valerie arrived to the meeting early.  And did something no one had ever done before in their previous meetings:

 She turned on her camera.

The first thing they saw when their screens flickered to life was Valerie’s very big, very genuine smile and very warm eyes.  Her very personal and warm “Hello!” was irresistible.  They found themselves shifting gears and smiling back.

As each person joined one by one, Valerie greeted them warmly and established rapport, real rapport, sincere rapport, genuine rapport.

One by one, they all turn their cameras on and the next thing you know they were all talking warmly with each other.  Like friends, actually.

The effect was amazing. Their discussion began with something they never before had at the start of their previous meetings:  a solid foundation of rapport.

A little bit of chitchat and then jumping into the agenda is not the same as building a solid foundation.

Valerie built a solid foundation of rapport between all of them.

She told me the response was “instant positive”.  Amazing how quickly people responded.

And from there, Valerie said, “It snowballed.”

And the meeting transformed into a collaboration.

Valerie said, “We went from feeling like we were enemies to being on the same team.”

The definition of friend in Webster’s New World Dictionary, Second College Edition is someone on the same side of the struggle.

The second you put them on the other side of the struggle, they’re your enemy.

The moment they’re on the same side of the struggle, they’re your friend.

It’s a mindset.  It’s not a fact or reality until you say so.  It’s a mindset.

It’s a refusal to let them to be on the other side of the struggle. It’s a stubborn determination to stay on the same side. 

It’s a purposeful decision and effort to define the struggle big enough that you’re both on the same side.  If you’re fighting, you haven’t defined the struggle well enough or big enough.  It makes all the difference in the world.

As does affinity. Which is what Valerie was filled with when they entered the meeting. She spent time prior to the meeting thinking about what she liked about each of them.  By the time they started arriving, she was feeling it.

The results were extraordinary. The discussion was productive.  It took less time.  They all left the meeting energized instead of frustrated.  Valerie was beaming as she told me about it.

Valerie made it happen.  One person out of 12. That’s all it took.

It doesn’t matter if it’s one out of 12 or one out of 1,200. One person with the right mindset is all it takes.

You have the power. Power isn’t something someone gives you. Power is something you realize you have. The moment you realize this, it’s yours.

Be the cause!