Matthew: “I saw it work 40 times in a row.  It saved me endless hours.  I’ll never go back.”

Matthew negotiates contracts for a large general contracting construction company. I’ll give you an example of what that means. Matthew’s organization won a contract to build a very large, very beautiful, very modern new building for a prestigious university in California. It’s a big deal.

What Matthew’s organization does is hire all the people who are going to do the work:  the builders, the electricians, the plumbers, the landscape gardeners, everyone involved in construction. Matthew’s company oversees all of the work, and is held responsible for the ultimate success of the project.

Once they select all the people they’re going to hire to do the work, Matthew negotiates all the contracts with each of those individuals.

For this particular project, Matthew had to negotiate 40 contracts.

I don’t know if you’ve ever had to negotiate a contract.  I’ve had to negotiate many. It’s brutal. These particular contracts are 75 pages long with tiny print.

Each paragraph is called a clause. There are probably five clauses per page, times 75 pages, well, you can do the math.

During contract negotiations, you submit the contract you want signed, and what you typically get back is red lines through all the clauses that the other party doesn’t want to sign. It’s very common for many clauses to be red-lined because they’re usually very demanding and the other party doesn’t want to commit to so much.

This is the start of negotiations.  Both parties now have to come together and have to agree on all of the clauses in order for the contract to be signed.

Negotiations are ferocious and ungiving, and there can be endless hours of wrangling spent over one clause. 

After many hours of negotiating contracts, Matthew completed Causative Communication training a couple months ago.  He was thrilled by the difference in his negotiations after the class.

Here’s what he did differently:

In the past, when the subcontractor would explain why he didn’t want to commit to a particular clause, Matthew wasn’t really listening to him. He had already heard it 30 other times. He already knew what they were going to say.  Matthew simply wasn’t interested in hearing it.  As a matter fact, he was slightly irritated having to listen to it over and over again.

But this time, Matthew changed.  He really listened to each person.  He was interested. He took time to understand the other person. The other person could SEE he was really LISTENING and this made a huge positive impact on them.

Then Matthew spent time acknowledging the other person’s point of view, letting them know he really understood. He took his time to make very, very sure the other person felt genuinely understood.

And then Matthew did what he said was the most important thing.  He paused. And while he paused, his understanding and acknowledgment really sunk in with the other person.  It became even more powerful.

The other person gave out a deep sigh, big relief that he’d been understood and smiled. Big burst of friendliness.

Without rushing, Matthew would then - with affinity for the other person - explain why that clause was necessary. He found the other person now always listened much more carefully.  Before, the other person would be tuning Matthew out, just as they had been tuned out.

After really hearing Matthew, the other person would now carefully consider what Matthew said, and then a miracle would happen.  He would say, “Oh, I get it” and would simply sign the contract.

This happened with 40 contracts in a row.

Matthew did not do all this to manipulate the other person into signing the contract. He listened because he really did want to understand the other person. The sincerity in your heart is unremittingly reflected in your eyes and in your voice and it’s THE most important element that must be present in doing this right. Your understanding must be genuine. 

Matthew said, “This has saved me HOURS.  And it closes the door to all that combative back and forth.”

Additionally, his team has been observing Matthew do this with everyone he talks with.  They’ve been stunned.  Their operating basis had always been to be in too much of a rush to really listen.  Matthew said, “It’s had a BIG impact on them.”  And, without even taking the class, they’ve started listening and acknowledging others.

One person doing it right makes a BIG difference in the world around them. 

You are capable of transforming any situation, any relationship.  Once you know the rules of the game, (known as the Communication Formula), you can play to win.  How many times can you win in a row? Apparently, the current record is 40! Just ask Matthew.

Be the cause!