“I am here to help you debate.”

They looked shocked.

It was exactly what they wanted to do. They were shocked that I said I was there to help them do it.

I was looking into the faces of 23 extremely hostile, anti-management union representatives in France. My client, a US-based multinational corporation, wanted to implement our performance improvement program in 22 countries. 21 countries thought it was a great idea, but (and I don’t know if you know anything about workers’ unions, but they’re formidable), the union in their facility in France thought it was a terrible idea dreamed up by stupid management and they were kicking up a storm.

I told management we should just skip France and do it in the 21 countries that wanted it, but they said “No, we need consistency, everyone has to do it”. They said the French unions were impossible to talk to and we just had to force it on them. I suggested that possibly someone could go over to try to talk to them about it and they said they were completely uninterested, but if I wanted to go, they would pay for it.

So there I was, in front of 22 hostile faces. They hated me because they felt this program was being jammed down their throats (it was), because management wouldn’t sit down at the table to talk to them, because they sent someone “from the outside” to try to “convince” them. They were mad because I was from America, because I didn’t speak French, and because I was a woman. I had a translator and they hated that too.

They were prepared to yell at me and were impatiently waiting for the first opportunity.

I looked at their individual faces. I liked them. I understood them. And, if they wanted to yell, I thought it would be amazing to be yelled at in French. The French language has always sounded so fabulous and especially beautiful to me. It’s a passionate language. I love listening to it.

I repeated, “I’m here to help you debate whether or not this is a good program. If at the end of the debate, you don’t think it is, I will help you get that across to management.”

After the surprise of it, they actually brightened up a tiny bit. They looked at each other. They loved to debate. It was a favorite pastime. It’s what they wanted to do, to debate me. Heads nodded a little. Surprised, they found themselves agreeing with the first step I proposed.

The reason I went this way is because I know that it’s important to start ANY communication, conversation, meeting, presentation, with a very worthwhile purpose they can get behind. If you announce a purpose that they can fully get behind, they will be with you. Most people are terrible at doing this.

If I said, “I’m here to tell you why this is a good program and you should support it”, they would have killed me and relished my defeat.

If you say things like:

“Today I want to tell you about the new initiative that’s going to help us reduce cost.” 

“I want to tell you how we’re going to be more competitive.” 

“I want to show you how our new re-org is going to help us take advantage of the market upturn.”

These all sound like, “Blah, blah, blah” to the regular workforce (which is most of the world). It’s what I call “Corporate Speak”. Meaningless. And, frankly speaking, it irritates them.

I like to hit the nail right on the head with a real purpose that makes people perk up and pay attention, and this one certainly did. It’s EXACTLY what they wanted to do.

I had done my homework on this union and I knew they debated everything proposed by management and that they intended to debate me. So, I looked at what was good about that and how it could be the foundation of a purpose I could agree with.

And, knowing the principles of REAL communication, I knew a lot of good comes out of intense but well-done communication. I was eager to do it. Their rules, but my rules also.

I said, “Let’s look at the pro’s and con’s of the program. You start by telling me the con’s.” And we got into a very wonderful debate.

I used the full Communication Formula. I knew if I followed that, regardless of what we were talking about, it would prevent a nasty argument. It would also result in a solid agreement we would both be very happy with. Plus, it would give us an incredibly positive outcome and exceptional relationships. The Communication Formula is my Swiss Army Knife survival tool. It has saved my life more times than I can count.

I kept asking them to tell me all the con’s of the program that they could think of, every single one. I wanted to hear all of them. They gave me a large number. One by one, I understood them and let them know I understood. They were expecting me to fight, but I was just taking my time understanding each one. I got the full list, understanding each one of them individually. They couldn’t think of any more. They had told me everything. They had been understood.

Then I said, “Let me tell you the pro’s of the program and you tell me if they’re any good.”

They were listening. We went back and forth. Their side. My side. Their side. My side. Always following the Communication Formula. They didn’t know the Formula and they didn’t need to know the formula. I knew it, and one person knowing it is enough for transformation to happen. As I followed the principles in the formula, they very naturally had begun to follow them as well. It was all very respectful.

In less than 20 minutes the debate was also very affable. Very friendly. Three hours later we were all laughing. Still intensely debating, but laughing. The tension had evaporated. Now it was transforming into a dialogue, not a debate. We were learning a lot about each other. Creative ideas were emerging.

By lunchtime, they were asking me where I was staying, giving me restaurant recommendations, asking about my family.

By the end of the day, some of them were inviting me home for dinner to eat “real French food.”  We all had the very satisfied feeling that comes from having a very good day. There was lots more to talk about and we were looking forward to seeing each other tomorrow, shaking hands saying good-bye, warm and friendly.

At the end of the second day, I had a list of very valuable suggestions that I was going to happily implement (and that I was VERY grateful for) on how to improve the program.

They said, “Now that we understand it, it sounds like a pretty good program” and I said, “I don’t know, I think maybe we should debate some more. Are there any other people that will have objections?” And they said, “Oh yeah,  lots.” And I said, “Okay, bring them in tomorrow and let’s have a bigger debate.” So, the next day they brought them in and we had a very affable new debate with an even larger group. Everyone was laughing, and every time it looked like it was going quiet again, I kept asking, “Well, isn’t ______ (some issue) going to be a problem?” and pointing out new possible con’s. Sure enough they started coming up with easy ways they could handle them. So, it turned into me bringing up the con’s and them coming up with solutions and arguing me down. There was nothing they couldn’t solve. It was quite remarkable.

I wasn’t being manipulative.

I think the world is oversold. Too much sales talk and not enough real intelligent interchange. The word “interchange” is the key word. And HOW to do it is the essence of communication skill.

I think people are WAY more intelligent than anyone gives them credit for. I believe if they really understand, they will make the right decision.

My only purpose in life is to create that real understanding, and then whoever I am talking to can decide what to do about it. I always leave it up to them to decide. This works in every area of my life and produces extraordinary results. And friendships.

Each day ended with them saying, “Well this sounds pretty good.”  and me saying, “Oh I don’t know, will there be others who will object to it?” And them saying, “Oh yes!” and me saying, “Bring them in! Let’s debate some more!”

This went on for a week and into the second week. Keep in mind, I’m in France, in a beautiful place near the Riviera, eating in French restaurants, enjoying evening strolls through the stunningly gorgeous old streets of this charming ancient town.

Every day I kept meeting more and more wonderful people. It was not a hardship.

I was scheduled to go in Wednesday of the 2nd week with a really large group when I got a call in my hotel from the top union representative. He said with great emphasis, “Ingrid, we have discussed this and we want to tell you that we have debated sufficiently. Could you please come in today and just get this program started! We’re all behind it. It’s going to be amazing. Just wait and see. We’re going to beat every other country with our metrics.”

I said, “Well, if you’re sure…” He almost shouted, “We’re SURE! No more debating! Just please come in and get us started on it!”

The French implemented the program and their metrics outpaced all the other countries, except for Denmark, where the Danes in this company had a fierce pride in always being number one.

It’s a trip I’ll never forget and friends I’ll always remember. You can’t say the name of the program anywhere in the French facility without everyone smiling. They made it their own and it has a truly French flair.

How did we get there? By creating ENOUGH UNDERSTANDING – BOTH WAYS. When you create real understanding, magic happens on its own. You don’t have to push or convince or force. You just watch the magic unfold before your eyes. You know you’ve created “enough” understanding when the magic unfolds.

In this case, it took a lot of communication to create that much understanding, but mainly because there was such a solid foundation of MIS-understanding and failed understanding that we had to climb over.

But, really! A week and a half is not a long time to create this much organizational willingness to embrace and rapidly and successfully execute major organizational change. It’s ridiculously fast. 

Many people don’t know what to do when they run into push-back, hostility, opposition, or resistance. Especially when it comes from groups. There are so many wrong ways, but there are also many right ways to transform it. They all rely on outrageously great communication.

This isn’t something you can do “half-way” and expect to generate extraordinary outcomes. This type of result requires an ability most anyone COULD achieve but one that few ever will.

It is those few who will “move mountains.”

Be the cause!