This article is about how to make other people’s faces light up when they see you.

At my farmer’s market on Sunday, the farmer where I buy broccoli every week, a man who is normally sullen and glum, lit up and started grinning when he saw me walking toward his vegetable stand.

Why did he do that? Because spectacular communication is rare in his life.

The staff of a senior executive in a major corporation complain he never makes time to meet with them. After my first meeting with him, he told me to always stop by his office to talk when I’m in the building. His face lights up when he sees me and he always makes time. He gives me his full attention. Our impromptu meetings often stretch to 30 or even 45 minutes.

Why does he do that? Because spectacular communication is rare in his life.

A Vice President known for never answering his emails always answers mine within hours.

Why does he do that? Because spectacular communication is rare in his life.

I haven’t even begun to tell you the results my clients get. Every day I get emails from our students about what happens when they apply the Communication Formula. They get equally spectacular results.

Real communication leaves you and the other person feeling really good.  

If you’re not feeling incredibly good after talking with someone, and if they aren’t also, what just happened isn’t what you’re truly capable of.

There are different grades of communication, just as there are different grades of everything, from restaurants to Olympic gymnastics. In a fabulous restaurant, the smallest appetizer can make you swoon.

Months ago, I noticed something that happened with my broccoli farmer even when he was looking sullen and glum. When I was fully present, I noticed it woke his spirit up and he was fully present. His presence grew.

When I put my full attention on him, I noticed I had more and more of his full attention. It grew.

When I had high affinity for him, I noticed a pronounced warmth in his eyes and all of his gestures began to express affinity for me. Affinity grew from nothing.

When I really listened to him, he really listened to me.

When I acknowledged him, he acknowledged me.

When I really looked at him to make sure he was happy with each acknowledgement, each time I did, he had a new burst of affinity for me, his eyes sparkled, and he got a very happy look on his face. That happy look grew happier as we talked.

Each element produced a particular result. Together they created a symphony of joy.

Now he lights up when he sees me. That’s what’s supposed to happen between people.

For many people, the purpose of communication is to get something done. Also, for many people, the purpose of communication is to create good relationships.

Another purpose of communication is to create joy.  

Your level of communication ability determines what you achieve.

I noticed this very early in life and, believing there’s nothing more rewarding, I dedicated myself to developing extraordinary communication skills and helping others do it also.

That’s what my writing, my workshops, my coaching are about. To take your skills to such an extraordinary level that you are able to navigate all of the personalities and situations in your life to create spectacular outcomes. And joy.

That’s how I measure communication competence. Not just by how well you speak or how well you listen. But by the level of quality of what happens, the level of quality of the relationships you create, and the joy you feel, and that they feel too.

Communicating is so much more than just talking, it isn’t even in the same universe. You can talk endlessly, and walk away feeling incomplete, even frustrated.

Or you can communicate at an exceptional level, make a real human connection, see a radical transformation in the other person and experience a spectacular outcome that gives you both joy. At work and also at home

It all starts with the decision to leave ordinary and normal behind. From there, you acquire and use the skills you need to make your communication extraordinary, the kind of communication that uses real human connection and understanding to create joy.

Be the cause!