I was watching Jed give a sales presentation. The faces of his audience were attentive and respectful.  They were also unsold.  Unmoved.

In other words, Jed’s ideas weren’t landing the way he wanted.

They were politely waiting for Jed to come to the end. They had probably already mentally formulated a polite way of telling him, “Thank you, we’ll consider it” as they gently ushered him out the door.

Jed had no idea why he was losing it, and he kept going. As Jed talked, he got visibly more and more enthusiastic as a way to pump energy into the meeting, which did nothing for his audience.

Jed knew something was wrong, but had no idea what it was. He signed up for our workshop Transforming Your Presentation Skills. What he didn’t realize was that, despite the title, the REAL transformation he was going to see was going to be in his audience.  

Here’s one thing to know as a presenter:  If you don’t see your audience transforming before your eyes, nothing is happening.

There are eight profound skills that clients master in this workshop. I’m going to touch slightly on one of them.

When Jed finished his initial presentation, and I started to coach him, I asked him, “When you were up there, what did you care about? What was important to you?”

Jed said, “I care that they really get the message. I care that they see that what I’m saying is important. I care that they see the urgency of what I’m talking about. Most of all, I care that they want to take the next step and move forward.”

That’s precisely what the audience felt.  And it left them cold.

Jed was making the mistake many presenters make, not just in Sales.  When they want to persuade, when the outcome is important, what they care MOST about is the message.  They care MOST about the outcome.

I had a question for Jed.  I said, “I understand. All those things are important. Do you care about them? The people in your audience?”

Jed said, a little too quickly, “Of course I do! That’s why I’m talking to them about this!”

I said, “That’s great that you do. Were you feeling it as you were speaking?”

Jed said, “Absolutely! I thought I was being passionate and I thought that it showed.”

I said, “Your passion for the message and for getting them to buy-in was clear. This is different. What are you feeling for each person as you look at them individually? What are you feeling inside for THAT person, in that moment?  Not forcing yourself to LOOK like you care, but really feeling for them?”

Jed said, “I never looked at it that way.”

Caring about a person isn’t something that you do in your head. It’s not something you put on your PowerPoint slide. Caring about another person is a feeling that you have or don’t have inside.

The feeling that came across most powerfully in Jed’s presentation was a feeling of, “I need you to agree with me.”

That turns people off.

If you care most about the outcome that you’re going for and getting them to agree with it, the other person powerfully feels it.

They will evaluate your idea, of course, but differently.  They won’t get the feeling that you have anything except a selfish interest. Even if your interest really IS for them, it will not communicate.

Jed had been in the corporate world for 10 years, he was so “outcome driven”, and he had suppressed his natural personal feelings for people for so long, that he had gotten trapped in the unnatural world of “I’m supposed to make you feel that I care about you. I’m supposed to LOOK like I care.”  Being driven in this direction can make even the best people phony.

I said, “Let’s try something really counterintuitive. I want you to get up there and talk about the same subject, same ideas, same words if you like. But what I want you to do this time is NOT care about the outcome. I want you to care about each person individually AS you talk to them. And I want you to feel it.”

Jed said, “What??? Not care about the outcome??? You have no idea what’s at stake! I HAVE to care about the outcome or why am I up there?”

I said, “Let’s just try it, we will video you and we’ll look at it. If you don’t like it, you don’t have to keep it.”

Jed laughed and said, “Well, that just feels a heck of a lot easier than what I’ve been doing because obsessing about the outcome really is a strain.”

Jed presented the same presentation, this time NOT fixated on the outcome he was going for, but letting himself feel something for, and caring about, each person that he talked to as he spoke.

The transformation in the audience was immediate. They leaned forward. They were completely engaged. Their eyes came alive. They were LISTENING.

This was the FIRST time they actually heard Jed’s message.  It SOUNDED like a completely different message.  That was funny because he was using the same words. But it had a completely different tone and that changed everything.

You might make the mistake of thinking they were hearing his message earlier before because they seemed to be listening attentively and politely.  Oh no, they weren’t hearing it. The message that they were receiving at that time was, “This guy’s trying to sell me something.”  

You don’t have to be in Sales to make an audience feel that way. When that’s the message your audience is getting from you, when they feel you’re trying to “sell” them on something, they don’t actually hear your real message. This is as true in your personal life as it is at work.

It was amazing how persuasive and convincing Jed was once he tuned in to each individual and let himself feel inside how much he cared about them.

Why was this so different?  His ideas are great, the outcomes he wants are very beneficial. I’m sure yours are also. But your ideas will never be great if the audience doesn’t receive them.

When you’re “selling” anything, any idea, the audience resists.  People naturally open up when you care about them. 

It doesn’t take more than a few minutes to make it happen. Genuine caring leads to trust. Trust leads to hearing. Hearing leads to the outcomes you want.

Be the cause!