“I know it’s bad, but there’s nothing I can do about it.”

Morgan was demonstrating how she delivers bad news.  She looks like she hates you.

The truth was, Morgan hated the message she was delivering.  Because of the supply shortage, she now couldn’t get the order that you need right now to you for a year.  Who could possibly love that message?

The immediate response Morgan got was, “Well then, we’re going to your competitor.”    Morgan was in customer service.  It was her job to save the customer.

What was happening was that her profound distaste for the message, and ugly anticipation of her customer’s shock and deep upset, was coloring her feelings for the person she was talking to and infusing the way she gave them the bad news.

So, Morgan came across very blunt, even mean.  “We won’t be able to ship for a year” were her words, and her body language said, “And I hate you too.”

Morgan was not getting a good response to that approach, and that’s why she ended up in our workshop.

As we worked together, Morgan uncovered her love for her customers, her care for them.

What was upsetting Morgan was how upset she was FOR her customer.  She could FEEL their pain. She felt horrible because she CARED so MUCH for them and because she could do nothing to change the vicious material shortage for them.

That’s why Morgan just wanted to get off the call as quickly as possible, so she wouldn’t have to see the suffering in their eyes or listen to their upset.  That’s why her communication had devolved into a blunt “Hit and Run”.

I asked Morgan, “Why don’t you tell them?  Let them know how you feel, how much you care, and how much you would love to help them?”

That had never occurred to her.

Suddenly everything about Morgan changed. Her face became softer, her eyes became beautiful, her tone of voice lost its sharp edge.

Morgan leaned in, looked into our eyes, and said, “I so wish I could ship this right away for you, I know how much it means to you and your business and your customers …”  And before she even had gone any further, Morgan had won both hearts and our minds.

This is but one example I’ve seen where people let the content of the conversations, the topic, take over the relationship.

Some become hardened because they have to give bad news all the time.  They look hard.  They sound hard.

The truth is, they got hard because that’s how much they care.  It’s hard for them.

Morgan later said, “I thought I was supposed to be ‘very professional’ when I delivered the bad news, and didn’t realize it made me come across so uncaring.”

When “being corporate” or “being professional” means having a hard heart – watch out!  You’re headed for a cold, dark place.  As Khalil Gibran, the wonderful Lebanese poet writes, you’re heading, “Into the seasonless world where you shall laugh, but not all of your laughter, and weep, but not all of your tears.”

It’s a world where you lose priceless human connection with others, and forfeit that special quality of relationship that transcends all corporations, and makes your life meaningful. 

True loyalty, from customer, lover or friend, always has heart.

Watch for any hard spots in your own heart.  When the message is hard, don’t just hit them over the head with cold reality.  Ask yourself, “Where is the caring in this message?”  Find that.  And express it.

Be the cause!