Alexander: “We’re trying not to like you.”

Me: “How’s that going for you?” (Laughing)

Alexander: “Not well. Why do we like you so much?” (Laughing)

Me: “Well, I like you!”

So, that sounds like the absolute silliest conversation you’ve ever heard, right? It gets even more absurd when I tell you that it was with three of the most highly trained, most highly skilled negotiators in a large global corporation that has over 100,000 people.

They put three top negotiators up against me. They heard that we don’t give discounts.  Their Procurement Division found that utterly unacceptable because they always demand deep discounts.  So they put three of their best people on the call to negotiate a discount with me.

They were serious, rough, tough, brutal, cold.  I would describe them as even vicious. I didn’t know people could get so mean and demanding.

Then, 20 minutes into the call, the above conversation happened.

Within an hour, we had finalized a deal.  We were all laughing and talking about our upcoming weekends and I hadn’t given a discount. They paid full price.

About two weeks, later my Finance person asked me about a new purchase order that had come in.  She couldn’t match it up with any client request. It was from that same company’s Procurement Division, the division that generates purchase orders.

I told her to get in touch with them and find out whether there was a client purchasing something that we didn’t know anything about.

She contacted them and they told her that the head of the division was purchasing a workshop for 22 of their top Procurement Negotiations Managers. That made no sense to me.

I asked my Finance person to go back to find out what they wanted to learn and she was told, “They want to find out what Ingrid did in that phone call and to learn how to do it.”

As you can imagine, it was a very lively training session. With everything I said, they came back with, “That’s the exact opposite of what we’ve been taught to do!”

They had been taught negotiation “Tips, tricks and techniques”.

I think the Human Race is sick of, and done with, tips, tricks and techniques.

What I taught them was the power of real communication.

And real communication is not adversarial.  If anything, it disarms.

I had a completely different strategy than they did. Their tactics were no match.

What does it tell you, that when what they were “taught to do” was matched head-to-head against what I teach, that not only did it fold up, but that they were completely ready to discard it?

Next time someone offers you a tip, trick, or technique for getting someone to do something, step back and ask yourself, “Is this really me?”  The answer will guide you.

The ability to create understanding is the real super power.  There is no substitute.

People really CAN end up liking each other!  And liking each other a LOT! And with solutions to problems they’re all happy with.  Don’t ever let anyone tell you they can’t.  Don’t ever let anyone tell you that you can’t.  Don’t ever let anyone define “winning” for you.

You know what real winning is supposed to look like.

Be the cause!