A couple of days ago I started the first Executive Coaching session with Marcos. I asked him to tell me about his goals for the coaching and he said, “I really want to learn about Executive Presence.”  I asked him why.

As he was telling me his goals, he apologized three times.

“I’m sorry, this probably sounds like a silly thing. But what I’d really like is…”

“That probably doesn’t make any sense, but what I was thinking was…”

“I’m sorry that was such a long-winded explanation of what I am looking for, I hope that makes sense…”

He’s not the only one apologizing. If I count the number of times each week that someone apologizes to me for communicating, it’s quite a number.

“I’m sorry if I’m coming across opinionated…”

“I’m sorry, I just have to say this…”

“I’m probably taking too long to explain this …”

This is a new phenomenon in society. Somehow perfectly wonderful people have been made to feel they need to apologize for communicating.

I could spend an entire article talking about how this came to be, but I want to get right to the point:

It’s not healthy.

It IS healthy to have your own viewpoint, to have ideas.  It IS healthy to have dreams, desires, goals and wishes… and to want them to come true.  It IS healthy to tell other people what they are and to be understood by them.

Executive Presence requires the absence of apology.

That doesn’t mean that you’re allowed to smash people, take up all the airtime, be arrogant or a self-centered narcissist.  

It simply means that you are clear about what you observe, clear about what you think, clear about what you want them to understand and clear in the way you communicate your thoughts. This is how you communicate well.

You do it with confidence and dignity. All the while, recognizing the dignity in the other person, and honoring that dignity.

Apologize when you really need to, remedy the situation and get on with it.

But stop apologizing for simply being there and communicating. 

Marcos had nothing to apologize for. His observations are sound and interesting. His feelings are real. His thinking is intelligent. His perspective is unique. His ideas are valuable. People like him. 

There was nothing wrong with him. How did society ever teach him to apologize for nothing? 

Throughout his Executive Coaching, Marcos gained the powerful aura of Executive Presence and self-confidence that set him free.  He not only stopped apologizing, he also started to feel GOOD about himself.

When Marcos gained dignity and confidence, everyone loved him even more.

You don’t embody power by apologizing for your ideas, your feelings, your opinions, or your perspectives. You embody power by communicating those things with confidence and dignity.

If you want to make things happen, that’s the secret.

Be the cause!