A number of years ago, my father called and told me he was going to be in San Francisco giving a talk. He said, “Let’s have dinner afterward!”  I was thrilled, and said I’d love to also see his talk. I’d never seen my father give a presentation. He was a trial attorney who won a lot of cases, including one in front of the Pennsylvania Supreme Court. I knew he did a lot of public speaking, but I’d only ever seen him be a father.

Following signs in the hotel lobby leading to his talk, I walked into the glittering ballroom in the Mark Hopkins, a grand 5-star hotel high atop ritzy Nob Hill, and found my father speaking … to hundreds of attorneys who packed the room to listen to him.

What?????? This was my father??????

Stunned, I watched something amazing.

He had the audience captivated on the edge of their seats. And after a couple seconds, he had me enthralled too.

What was he doing? I tried to figure it out.

I was already doing public speaking. It was clear to me from what I saw that he was MUCH better than I was. For the life of me, I couldn’t tell what he was doing that made him better. I just knew that his entire audience, including me, was enthralled.

At dinner I peppered him with, “How do you do it?” questions. None of which he could answer. He just shrugged his shoulders and said, “I don’t know. You just do it.”

Apparently, he didn’t think it was a big deal and he’d been doing it his whole life. For him it was an art you couldn’t put into words, not a science.  And I needed the science because this level of art was beyond my reach.

I thought about what I’d seen.

It was clear, that even when my father was speaking in an extremely large, luxurious ballroom, that he owned the entire room. How did he do that?

It wasn’t until a couple of years later, when I learned the principles that were researched, discovered and written about by L. Ron Hubbard, the principles that we use here at ETS, that I knew exactly WHAT my father was doing that made him so extraordinary, and HOW with practice to do it myself. That’s when I discovered the exact skills I needed to master to be that good, but with my own style.

And the second I learned it, I wanted to teach it. I was thinking, “Everyone should have this!”

I learned that presenting and communicating are NOT the same thing. And now I understood that my father did not present, he communicated. And the distinction made him powerful.  What he said made an unforgettable impact.

He was not a forceful man. He didn’t try to “Wow!” people with how dynamic he was. He was quietly, but unmistakably, powerful. Power simply emanated from him, even when he was standing still, there was something special about his strong presence.

He connected with the audience like I had never seen anyone do before in my life. They loved him. He made each of the attorneys feel he was talking directly to them. I learned how to do that, and immediately appreciated the wonderful emotional rush that comes along with it.

All of his movements and his hand gestures had great natural elegance and dignity. I learned this comes from being completely at ease and having a strong sense of internal dignity. I learned what “effortless” looks like and how to master it.

He was riveting and compelling.

He had rhythm.

And timing.

He had great ideas, and crafted them into an extraordinary story. It had a beautiful beginning, strong middle and a powerful end. And when he let you down gracefully at the finish, you wished he would continue and go on. The audience kept him there for as long as he would stay answering questions, until he graciously gave his final adieu.

I finally understood the science behind the art he emanated. Knowing that, I practiced and practiced and practiced each point. Early on as I practiced, I started to take videos of my actual presentations to him for his appraisal.

At first he said, “Oh no! This is going to ruin our relationship if I tell you what I really think!”

I knew it would hurt my feelings, but I also knew he was qualified to comment because he had achieved what I wanted.

He was honest and direct. I withstood his blunt, unvarnished critiques. I knew it would hurt, but I also knew it’s what I needed to hear.

He was grimacing watching the first video I brought him. It was painful to look at his face. When he finished watching it, he had a look of despair like, “I don’t even know where to begin.” I said, “Let me have it.” And he did.

His assessment of me was brutal and true. I was embarrassed. I felt horrible, but very determined.

He could tell me what was wrong, “It fell flat there.” And, “You’re losing them here.” And, “You need to be more compelling/engaging/mature/etc.”  But he didn’t know how to tell me WHAT to do to get it right. That’s where knowing the science came in. I just needed him to tell me where it was falling flat.

I translated his coaching comments to what I knew of the science and then I knew where and what to practice.  I relentlessly practiced and made more videos.

Finally, one day, watching my most recent video he said, with a microscopically small smile on his face, “This one’s pretty good.”

“Pretty good.” This was high praise coming from him. And I knew that I had crossed a threshold. We weren’t done, but I was in a new league. I had entered the league that he was in, as a beginner with still a long way to go, but I could see it was no longer painful for him to watch me. He had started to slightly enjoy listening to me. He had started to see me not as a student he was coaching, but as a professional presenter. It continued to get better from there.

Then one day, watching a new video, I saw him visibly completely relax, sit back and just enjoy it. It was in his eyes. Enjoyment. Engaged. I had captivated him, he completely forgot he was coaching me. He was letting himself go, letting himself simply be an audience. He chuckled at points and even told my mother later about things in my presentation that particularly struck him, re-creating them for her. He had no coaching critique for me on that one. He was smiling. It was one of the best days of my life.

My father passed away, but what he taught me is eternal. I made a point of seeing more of his talks. It’s very easy for me to close my eyes and see him in front of a large audience, sweeping them away. To this day, he is one of the best public speakers I have ever seen in my life. I am unspeakably proud to be his daughter.

I’m also ridiculously happy that I found the science so that, not only could I truly master both the science AND the art, but could teach both to the many people who want to reach others with their ideas and just need to learn how.

It takes practice. I had a senior executive tell me yesterday that he’s sending a senior vice president to me for coaching. The senior exec said, “I want him to practice a thousand times.”  I assured him that’s how we do it. It’s the only way to build real skill. You learn the science and practice to the point where you turn it into art.

Keep practicing. Never give up. There’s no limit to how good you can be.

Be the cause!